Two Jokes

netwhizkid

Most people have probably heard a different version of this one, made me chuckle though. I never heard the bottom one before. Got a laugh though.


Tony Blair is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.
"Tony, John Prescott here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is
an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in
Sheffield has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire

British supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week."

"Christ John - the economy will never be able to cope with all those
unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!"

"We're going to have to ship some in from abroad...America?"

"No chance!! Bush will have a field day on this one!"

"What about Ireland?"

"Maybe - but we don't want them to know that we are stuck. You call
Bertie Ahern - tell him we need one million condoms; coloured red, white
and blue; twelve inches long and eight inches thick!

That way he'll know how big the brits really are!!"

John calls Bertie, who agrees to help the Brits out in their hour of
need.

Three days later a van arrives outside Downing Street - full of boxes.

A delighted Tony rushes out to open the boxes.
He finds condoms; 12inches long; 8 inches thick, all coloured red,white
or blue.

He then notices in small writing on each and every one:- .
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
...........
............
.............
..............
...............
................
.................
..................
.................
................
...............
..............
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...........
..........
.........
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.......
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...
..
.
MADE IN IRELAND - SIZE: SMALL

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day
he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are!

Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches,
I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you!
You've already got the neck and the GIBLETS

jackfish

Both mad me laugh, thanks!

Zapp Brannigan

Found neither funny, sorry!

GLaDOS

First one was good

fun bus

enjoyed both of them-very funny!

Diddy Kong

very funny

jobonar

1st was very good!!