Keeping it casual

LegacyUser

im a 22 yr old male who met a girl whos two years younger than me about 2 months ago. We really get on well when we are together and are more like good friends but she has made it clear that she doesnt want a relationship as she is only young and doesnt want the hassle.

I actually lost my virginity to this girl which she doesnt know about i waited until a month and she was giving me all the signals that she wants to go out with me, so i felt she was the right one. since then shes told me that she doesnt want anything too serious so basically i think it means we meet up once or twice a week and have sex, its wrecking my head a bit especially as this is the first girl ive been intimate with and im developing quite strong feelings for her, the day after we meet im an emotional mess and cant stop thinking about her but have to stop myself phoning her all the time because it will just scare her off.

I also get a nagging feeling that she might be doing the same with some other bloke maybe its just me being paranoid, but i dont know how to ask her as she could get really offended, the thought of her with someone else makes me feel sick. I want to tell her how i feel about her but im scared ill scare her off and wont see her at all then. I dont know if i can keep this up but then again if i tell her that i wont see her again which is not what i want at all, i really dont believe that men and women can stay friends after being intimate like that, plus the fact that im getting much needed sexual experience with her so im stuck, I really dont know what to do. I should be really happy im meeting a girl just for for fun and sex but im not sure its worth the emotional pain

LadyJ

Looks like you've got yourself a fcuk buddy.

She may well be doing this with several people.

Tbh,I'd get out now if you have feelings for her. It's obviously not what she wants.

If you weren't so into her then I'd say keep on meeting up with her and get in some practice.However,imo,if you keep doing this when you feel so strongly about her then it'll all end in tears.

Things like this only work if there is a mutual acceptance and understanding that it is just sex. Nothing more.

AngryBadger

She's already made it clear that she's not interested in something long-term, or serious. To me it sounds like you're just setting yourself up for major heartache here. You're not saying that you even particularly enjoy the sex, but that it's a good way of notching up some experience. And from what you'res aying about her maybe seeing other fellas, and the tought of it driving you crazy, this seems to be a one-way situation.

You're interested in her, but she's not interested in you, but you're sticking with it in the hopes that she'll change her mind.

My opinion would be that you're wasting your time here, and this situation could wind up with you getting burned pretty badly, because eventually you're not going to be able to keep it bottled, and yo'll say or do something stupid that will blow everything right out of the water.

I'd say get out sooner rather than later. Especially seeing as how SHE has already made it clear she's not interested in anything serious.

DgirlDub

Stereo-typically its normally the guy that goes for the sexual part of a relationship whereas women prefer a more emotional bond.

I mean who says you have to get all serious with this girl just because you both sleep with each other.

As you said its good expierience, so when you build up your confidence and are ready then you can look for a more serious relationship.

Miguel_Sanchez

If you're starting to fall for her then you'd probably be best off to get out now before you really get hurt. These things always end up badly IMHO.

Also make sure you stay safe dude, especially if she's actively with other guys at the same time as you.

LikeOhMyGawd!

It's pretty common for inexperienced guys to get one ride and think they're in love. When you get older you'll be less likely to think this way so take the benefit of this advance notice and enjoy the all the sex while you can. Don't go throwing away a good thing over naive emotions. Take the ride and get the experience that will make your useful to the rest of the girls that will come and go in your life.

PS - Congratulations & welcome to the world of what it's all about

LadyJ

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

It's pretty common for inexperienced guys to get one ride and think they're in love. When you get older you'll be less likely to think this way so take the benefit of this advance notice and enjoy the all the sex while you can. Don't go throwing away a good thing over naive emotions. Take the ride and get the experience that will make your useful to the rest of the girls that will come and go in your life.

Sigh.

Tbh,I don't really think it matters whether the guy "thinks" he's in love or not.

The point is that this situation will potentially cause him a lot of pain in the end.

As for the phrase "naive emotions",what crap!

Emotions are emotions. Naive or not,they are how we feel.

We can't help how we feel so all we can do is look out for ourselves and learn to recognise the situations that are going to end in heartache.

The OP may be inexperienced but no one can presume to tell him what he does or doesn't feel.

Black Swan

She obviously wants a casual relationship. And yes, you are probably correct that she sees others. You need to make a decision if casual is OK for you, and that she may have one or more partners. If not, then perhaps you should move on?

LikeOhMyGawd!

LadyJ wrote:

Sigh.

Tbh,I don't really think it matters whether the guy "thinks" he's in love or not.

The point is that this situation will potentially cause him a lot of pain in the end.

As for the phrase "naive emotions",what crap!

Emotions are emotions. Naive or not,they are how we feel.

We can't help how we feel so all we can do is look out for ourselves and learn to recognise the situations that are going to end in heartache.

The OP may be inexperienced but no one can presume to tell him what he does or doesn't feel.

LadyJ with all due respect to what you are saying, it is coming from the wrong perspective in this case as you are a girl. I,like the OP, am a guy and he needs a few things straightening out.

When he's older, the OP will find himself sitting with a beer in his hand shooting the breeze with a few buddies. Inevitably talk of conquests will come up. I'm telling you now, he'll talk with great pride about his little fúck buddy who he got his leg over for a few months in the summer of 2006. He won't be thinking sorry thoughts about 'the one that got away' or the sense of unreciprocated love he felt at the time. He won't even pray mention that she was his first. I'm giving the guy a great heads-up and he should take it on board. One ride and falling in love is a common phenomenon with guys. Getting an early diagnosis is the key to the cure.

He should play her game. The only thing worse than imperfect sex is no sex.

LadyJ, the fact is when a man grows old he dosen't regret the women he screwed but he'll regret all the shags he missed out on. Just ask your granda:D

AngryBadger

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

LadyJ with all due respect to what you are saying, it is coming from the wrong perspective in this case as you are a girl. I,like the OP, am a guy and he needs a few things straightening out.
He should play her game. The only thing worse than imperfect sex is no sex.
LadyJ, the fact is when a man grows old he dosen't regret the women he screwed but he'll regret all the shags he missed out on. Just ask your granda:D

tbh you wouldn't be totally wrong if not the for the fact that the OP has already said the meetings are wrecking his head. The point that's being made is by al emans he should ejoy the sex, but if it's wrecking his head, 9as in this instance), he's better off distancing himself from it.

In fairness, why would anyone be desperate to hang onto one sexual partner? there's plenty more fish in the sea.

Miss Fluff

LadyJ wrote:

As for the phrase "naive emotions",what crap!

Emotions are emotions. Naive or not,they are how we feel.

Well said LadyJ

LadyJ

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

LadyJ with all due respect to what you are saying, it is coming from the wrong perspective in this case as you are a girl. I,like the OP, am a guy and he needs a few things straightening out.

When he's older, the OP will find himself sitting with a beer in his hand shooting the breeze with a few buddies. Inevitably talk of conquests will come up. I'm telling you now, he'll talk with great pride about his little fúck buddy who he got his leg over for a few months in the summer of 2006. He won't be thinking sorry thoughts about 'the one that got away' or the sense of unreciprocated love he felt at the time. He won't even pray mention that she was his first. I'm giving the guy a great heads-up and he should take it on board. One ride and falling in love is a common phenomenon with guys. Getting an early diagnosis is the key to the cure.

He should play her game. The only thing worse than imperfect sex is no sex.

LadyJ, the fact is when a man grows old he dosen't regret the women he screwed but he'll regret all the shags he missed out on. Just ask your granda:D

I'm not saying that the guy is in love. I'm saying that,regardless of what kind of person he may or may not turn out to be,in this time and place he's going to get himself hurt.

Not all men end up sitting around,discussing their conquests.

Not all men are the same.

The OP might not consider this girl to be the one who got away,he has already climbed Everest in this case. There's no need for him to do it again and again as he will inevitably get hurt.

Something tells me that it is you who is being naive here.

A person (man or woman) can't just switch off their feelings so the longer this goes on,the harder the fall.

At the end of the day,you can speak for yourself but you can't speak for all men.

LikeOhMyGawd!

AngryBadger wrote:

tbh you wouldn't be totally wrong if not the for the fact that the OP has already said the meetings are wrecking his head. The point that's being made is by al emans he should ejoy the sex, but if it's wrecking his head, 9as in this instance), he's better off distancing himself from it.

In fairness, why would anyone be desperate to hang onto one sexual partner? there's plenty more fish in the sea.

I hear you but AngryBadger but the headwreck is down to inexperience. He needs to toughen up and enjoy the heady days of post-virginity loss. He has a choice - walk away or take the ride. I'm giving him the benefit of hindsight in advance.

Of course there are plenty of fish in the sea...but a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. And of course don't jump before you have somewhere to land. Been there, done that.

Zombrex

ered145j wrote:

I dont know if i can keep this up but then again if i tell her that i wont see her again which is not what i want at all,

You are about to learn lesson one, and therefore the most important leason, of relationships. Ready -

Don't stick around waiting for something to get better when it probably won't

You say you can't keep doing this, so don't. What are you waiting for? She isn't going to suddenly fall in love with you. Its like waiting to pull of the Band-Aid plaster hoping that it will some how melt off. It ain't going to, you have to pull that mother-f**ker off.

You aren't happy so end it with her. It will hurt for a few months, but its better than being still in the exact same position in a few months and then getting so sick of it you end it or worse having her end it because she has met the man of her dreams while she was screwing around with you.

LikeOhMyGawd!

LadyJ wrote:

Not all men end up sitting around,discussing their conquests.

They do. (There are those who have, and those who will...)

LadyJ wrote:

Not all men are the same.

Basically, they are. Even your dad.

AngryBadger

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

I hear you but AngryBadger but the headwreck is down to inexperience. He needs to toughen up and enjoy the heady days of post-virginity loss. He has a choice - walk away or take the ride. I'm giving him the benefit of hindsight in advance.

Of course there are plenty of fish in the sea...but a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. And of course don't jump before you have somewhere to land. Been there, done that.

But why put himself through the headmelt with this one when he could just go find another nubile young lady to enjoy all kinds of coital delight without the hassle of headmelt?

I can kind of see where you're coming from, (I am a guy after all), but if 'twere me I'd be heading for greener pastures.

LadyJ

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

They do. (There are those who have, and those who will...)




Basically, they are. Even your dad.

Well,that's a pretty immature view tbh.

Everyone on earth is different.

Not all men are the same,regardless of what you believe.

If they were then it would only take one man to post THE male opinion on this thread.

However,as it turns out,there are several different men,with different opinions.

LikeOhMyGawd!

LadyJ wrote:

Well,that's a pretty immature view tbh.

Everyone on earth is different.

Not all men are the same,regardless of what you believe.

If they were then it would only take one man to post THE male opinion on this thread.

However,as it turns out,there are several different men,with different opinions.

You are right all men are not the same, some are big/small, long/short, ginger/blonde etc. And you are right men have different opinions - see the Motors forum for proof.

But the fact remains, ALL MEN DISCUSS CONQESTS AT SOME POINT. So scurrilous you may not wish to believe it...but it's true.

Anyway, to the issue at hand - ered145j I hope you find peace of mind soon and you get your meat hooks onto some flesh that will love you back the way you want it.

LadyJ

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

ALL MEN DISCUSS CONQESTS AT SOME POINT.

I can certainly agree that the majority of men will do this at some point. Not all though.

However,my point is that I really don't think the OP should worry about a discussion that he might have in five years time,especially when he'd be able to say that he nailed the girl more than once anyway!

At least my way he can say that,without adding on that he let her break his heart.

/V\etalfish

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

But the fact remains, ALL MEN DISCUSS CONQESTS AT SOME POINT. So scurrilous you may not wish to believe it...but it's true.

no we dont !!
why bother ?
your being just a tad close minded there ,
but anyway to the OP LadyJ and angrybager are spot on
If its headwrecking ...then move on, dont hang around til it gets worse ..there are plenty more women out there

theTinker

LadyJ wrote:

Well,that's a pretty immature view tbh.

Everyone on earth is different.

Not all men are the same,regardless of what you believe.

If they were then it would only take one man to post THE male opinion on this thread.

However,as it turns out,there are several different men,with different opinions.

I completely agree, not all are the same, im male and yes ive had a nice share of "conquests". I say most will agree with this but if you want a fcuk buddy thats fine but if u have feelings for her then its gonna end up in a mess or your gonna get so resentful of the person tat u dont want ot be near them aymore. its fine without the emotions but if the OP has them then he cant just enjoy the roll arounds as the afters are wrecking him.

To the OP. sucks i know, been there a few times, im surprised she led u on at the start unless it was just inexperienced that u didnt pick up on exactly what she wanted.
The roll arounds are great fun but if u like the girl alot then u cant have them with her without the crap afterwards. Even tough most will tell u to bail(they are speaking from experience) most likely u will keep trying or stop for a while and then 'miss' her and restart it countless times(if she lets u), but it will just end a mess eventually. Especially if she finds sum1 she does want to get with, then where are u gonna be left? Fecked thats where.
You should bail while u can as im sure u are aware u are just gonna like her more and more the longer it lasts? correct? anyway u can either stop communciation with her permantly and get over her,(prolly last this u want atm) or keep in touch in a 'distant frend' ting, but you should try get over her if she doesnt want to be wit u properly. You will get over her eventually espcially when sum1 else is rubbing u the right way . Which would be great no? If the "blue moon" happens and she misses u too much and wants a relationship then great but this means either way u end up well, fine, and happy. keep hanging on to this mess and i think it will wreck u till u hate her for causing it(even tough its not her fault, u didnt tell her she was ur first, and its not her problem that she doesnt want a relationship).

and its ok to lose it to sum1 u dont end up with, far to many people get wrecked by this. like its ur first...theres a reason why we learn from experience, next time u will know more about the type of person u want.

ps: The girl thinks a relationship is a hassle...she really doesnt sounds like sum1 u want atm. Like if u make a fake girl up in ur head and add this quality , would she really be sum1 u want?

pps: not to be side tracked but i do think all men talk about "conquests" at sum stage, but it could just be to thier GFs'/BF's. we tend to smile more about it though when talking to the 'lads'

LikeOhMyGawd!

LadyJ wrote:

I can certainly agree that the majority of men will do this at some point. Not all though.

Give me 99.9% and we'll leave it at that ?

LadyJ wrote:

However,my point is that I really don't think the OP should worry about a discussion that he might have in five years time,especially when he'd be able to say that he nailed the girl more than once anyway!

At least my way he can say that,without adding on that he let her break his heart.

Hat's off to to you LadyJ, you are right on both counts above. Nailing (yay!)has indeed taken place and heartbreak (boo!) is now best avoided at all costs.

padi89

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

ALL MEN DISCUSS CONQESTS AT SOME POINT

Well we surely dont "discuss" but maybe your trying to put it mildly.To be honest ive never had a discussion with my mates about mine or their sexual conquests,the odd bit of banter and where were you last night type of craic?, Yes, but never really graphic detail.Its OK bragging about it when your 18 but not when you get older.Women discuss their conquests as much as men,we just assume they dont;)

Nevyn

Back on topic please and stick to posts that would be helpful to the Op.

Gateway

LikeOhMyGawd! wrote:

They do. (There are those who have, and those who will...)




Basically, they are. Even your dad.

That's how me and my good buddies spent last Satuday night!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advise, I have decided to keep things going the way they are. I feel emotionally messed up the day after I meet her but after that Im fine, so I pressume its to do with the depressing effects of the alcohol. I think I need to toughen up with my feelings, and not take things so seriously, the sex is good too so I should just be thankfull I guess