Still in Love with my EX - HELP

barbeck23

Ok I went out with my ex for 3 yrs and we broke up around a yr and a half ago because I was travelling for the yr (ended on bad terms) but we were still in contact and in the yr and a half at one point one of us would want to try again and then at a different point the other however we both started seeing other people - now I've broken up with my guy and he is still with his but he's calling me on nights out and suggesting that he comes over and stuf like that then when not getting what he wants sends me texts that are meant for hi girlfriend.

This is a very shortened version but what shuld I do? He's not a dick (I know he sounds it) but think he is confused as his friends tell me he is not serous about his girlfriend but he maintains to me it is serious.

Some constructive help?

AngryBadger

Let's see now, sending you unwanted texts, then sending you texts intended for his girlfriend, (presumably to piss u off), and involved in a relationship that some parties maintain he's not serious about, you're right he does sound like a dick

That notwithstanding the path should be clear. Assuming you want to get back with him, (and tbh you're not even clear on that), then you ask him what his feelings are ad make it clear that something could only happen when he was single, certainly not while he was stringing along another party. If you don't want to get back with him then tell him that, and stop responding to his texts/calls. Even the worst prick gets the message eventually, or just gets bored whichever happens first.

Nevyn

If he wanted back with you he would talk to you about it while sober and free himself from what ever relationships he is in atm.

In the mean time until then until he is ready to do that ignore him as he is just wrecking your head and disrespecting you.

barbeck23

Cheers for your reply!

The thing is I don't know what I want - I still love him so much, we were only 18 when we got together and then our lives changed (i.e. priorities like travellng for me and career for him) and we just couldn't do the whole long distance thing. But I know we both still love each other. It was special.

But in November after I got back he tried to get back together with me and made a real effort (he's very stubborn) and I turned him down because I wasn't ready. I know I hurt him alot then so he just started seeing someone else who is more handy than anything - she lives near and is there when he wants her.

But about 2 months ago I've have started having erous feeling for him and wrote him an email and he didn't write back but then starts ringing me in the night and then wanting to call over to me during the day. I'm afraid to see him in case I want him and can't because of the girlfriend and I think he is the same - i.e. I dont think he will want to see me because of the same reasons.

I still love him but can't seperate whether I want him back or whether I simply miss tht sort of relationship and whats worse is that I know even if I do figure out it might nit make a damn of difference!

AngryBadger wrote:

Let's see now, sending you unwanted texts, then sending you texts intended for his girlfriend, (presumably to piss u off), and involved in a relationship that some parties maintain he's not serious about, you're right he does sound like a dick

That notwithstanding the path should be clear. Assuming you want to get back with him, (and tbh you're not even clear on that), then you ask him what his feelings are ad make it clear that something could only happen when he was single, certainly not while he was stringing along another party. If you don't want to get back with him then tell him that, and stop responding to his texts/calls. Even the worst prick gets the message eventually, or just gets bored whichever happens first.

AngryBadger

Whatever your feelings are if you don't take some kind of action, either telling him to shove off, or telling him you want to try again this is just ging to degenerate even further into a compelte soap opera mess.

Make your decision, and act on it, otherwise things will get worse not better.

barbeck23

I was ignoring it just fine nd forgetting about him until drunken phone calls - prehaps telling him to shove off is the answer! Hard to lose someone you love and care though - thanks for the help!

AngryBadger wrote:

Whatever your feelings are if you don't take some kind of action, either telling him to shove off, or telling him you want to try again this is just ging to degenerate even further into a compelte soap opera mess.

Make your decision, and act on it, otherwise things will get worse not better.

Chinafoot

To be honest, it sounds to me like he's trying to have the best of both worlds. If he wasn't serious about his current girlfriend and wanted anything other than something casual with you he would surely have called things off with her?

Are you sure you still love him? Or do you love what you used to have?

Just remember that even if you did go back with him, it will never be the same as it was before. That's not to say it wouldn't work, but still don't expect it to be the same. You'll both have changed since you've been together.

If it was me I wouldn't accept being his bit on the side regardless of how non serious his current relationship is. Put yourself in this other girls position. I'm sure you wouldn't like it happening to you. If you want to pursue it with him then I would suggest having a serious talk with him about his current situation before making any big decisions.

Black Swan

barbeck23 wrote:

I still love him but can't seperate whether I want him back or whether I simply miss tht sort of relationship and whats worse is that I know even if I do figure out it might nit make a damn of difference!

You need to make up your mind, let him know, then act in accordance with that decision. Otherwise, there will be a lot of confusion and pain for both of you.

bassist

jesus i know how you feel, i went out with my gf for two years and we were engaged that was after being best friends for nearly ten years. she broke up with me about a year ago, she moved away and still cant get her out of my head. i think it sounds like he's confused aswell but thats no excuse for the mind games he's playing with the texts. ive been there sending msg's to her "by mistake" and for me it was a cry for attention from her. (i didn't get it by the way). if you want to be with him tell him, be clear about it but if he dosen't want to be with you, you have to move on. ignore the texts i know its hard but my ex just ignored me and it made me relise i couldn't mess with her that way. if he really wants you he'll relise it and get in-touch properly.
best of luck

Nalz

Okay, I could give you the big sobby story bout my relationship that ended a year ago....how I made a muppet out of myself, did and said strange things (as did she) etc etc bla bla bla.... but the moral of the story is an ex is an ex for a reason, and if your still in love wit this person ya gotta stay well clear and give yourself more time to heal n get over all da shít thats happened (yes, shít happens). Oh and remember stuff. yes stuff, the other stuff. family = stuff, passtimes = stuff, sport = stuff, friends = stuff, work/school = stuff. Concentrate on things that matter in your life, and for your sake try not to waste too much time and dignity on something like this.

Sleepy

How do you know you still love him when you haven't seen him in so long? People change, I'm sure your travelling changed you and his career has changed him. Are you sure it's not the memory of him you're still in love with, because frankly, his current behaviour makes him sound like someone pretty unloveable?