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It doesn't have to be this way

  • 06-07-2006 6:50pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭


    Everyone blind starring into the shine
    Taste the bitter rind
    Hoping to find beauty
    Somber in duty

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    Everyone insists make example of the outcast
    If cohesion is to last
    Rewrite the broken past
    Hoist your flag up on the mast

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    Everyone knows that evil comes and evil goes
    They’re afraid to interpose
    and turn the current so they chose
    but everybody knows

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    © Matt Holck 7/2006


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,235 ✭✭✭Odaise Gaelach


    An anti-war poem, right?

    It's a good poem, a nice lyrical poem. But on the first verse:
    Everyone blind starring into the shine
    Taste the bitter rind
    Hoping to find beauty
    Somber in duty

    Most of the lines in the whole have four beats in them. It gives the poem a nice, lyrical quality. But the second and fourth lines only seem to have three beats in them.

    Just put the extra beat into those two lines, and I think that it would complete the poem.

    Nice job! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    Thank You
    I didn't know where I was going when I started
    and my minimalist tendency caught me short




    Everyone's blind starring into the shine
    extol upon the bitter rind
    Each hoping to find beauty
    Somber in sacred duty

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    Everyone insists make example of the outcast
    If cohesion is to last
    Rewrite the broken past
    Hoist your flag up on the mast

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    Everyone knows that evil comes and evil goes
    They’re afraid to interpose
    and turn the current so they chose
    but everybody knows

    It’s doesn’t have to be this way
    No need to suffer to bring the day
    The sun will rise and bring its ray
    You don’t have to lie

    © Matt Holck 7/2006


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,235 ✭✭✭Odaise Gaelach


    Much better! :)


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