problems with angry sister

LegacyUser

Should I ask my sister to get some anger management therapy, or else I will not speak with her anymore?

We were talking on the phone to make plans to meet. She would meet me at my work. We had great difficulty even having a civil conversation. I told her, you cross the parking lot at my work and go to the east door. She said "what parking lot? Why do I have to cross the parking lot?" etc. and had great trouble with the concept of an east door, I told her, "it's not like they're numbered". She kept interrupting me when I was trying to tell her the information. She was satisfied with me watching for the tram to drop her off, as it is directly behind my building.

She claims I was mean to her as a kid, and perhaps I was, but I honestly don't remember.

Some back story: we went to the same school as my dad taught at. He hit the kids, ie in the face (he was a Christian Brother before he quit and married, he joined them in his teens) and the kids hit ME in the face back, and taunted me. I was afraid to talk to most people until I went to another school when I was older. So doubtless I served some of the same back to my sister when I was younger.

I've had therapy for depression and anxiety, and I'm managing my life okay, I have a job (I was fired once for some of the effects of anxiety, I had to go back to school to get the job I have now) and I don't contact the people who stress me out. However every time I talk to my sister, this anger bubbles to the surface and it's rattled me...

humanji

Well, from your description, your sister didn't do anything that would indicate she needs help. It seems she didn't understand your directions and that's it. And she was happy with you meeting her off the tram so she wouldn't get lost. That's perfectly reasonable. Were you screaming at each other? I don't understand the conflict you seem to be hinting at.

In fact, if anything, it would seem that you are the one who needs to seek help.

kittex

Hey angerproblems

I think I understand what you're talking about. My sister is a nightmare for this kind of thing too.

It's really hard to deal with her as every, little, tiny thing is an excuse for her to scream at me, her friends, anyone.

For my sis, it's leftover teen angst that she never dealt with. She went off the rails for a while and instead of dealing with it and moving on, she blames others for all her problems in life and therefore walks around full of anger and frustration. That'll end as soon as she takes responsibility for her own actions. When that will be? Well, who knows?

Her mates can't take it and as big sis I have felt responsible. I've tried the suggesting anger management approach. She threw a cup at me. I tried the asking what is going on. I got a book thrown at me. I gave her a hug and apparently I was patronising her and got a slap in the face.

Think of it like the AA. At the end of the day, she won't do anything about it until she wants to and she won't want to do anything about her behaviour until there are consequences for it.

Show her calmly, that you're not going to be treated that way without repercussions. I bet you just switch off until she shuts up. That's normal. You get into a habit of doing that when walking around a volcano.

oulu

I think the both of yous need some counsiling and help. What you both went throught a kids ie your Dad been a bully in school and you guys paying the price for his misgivings.I feel you both have issues I would if it happened to me.

LegacyUser

jomanji wrote:

Well, from your description, your sister didn't do anything that would indicate she needs help. It seems she didn't understand your directions and that's it. And she was happy with you meeting her off the tram so she wouldn't get lost. That's perfectly reasonable. Were you screaming at each other? I don't understand the conflict you seem to be hinting at.

In fact, if anything, it would seem that you are the one who needs to seek help.

Well, let me put it this way, she called me up, and very quickly got very angry at me. She was not letting me talk, while I was trying to tell her the info she needed. She apologized later for getting so angry.

I've had cognitive therapy before, I've taken Paxil, Zoloft and Clonazepam for anxiety. I've learned a lot through therapy on how to manage my feelings, and also I try to manage my life so that there is less stress for me to deal with. So I'm not sure how I would need more therapy, when I am not the one getting angry.