Is everyones life the same every day?

Vas_Guy

I was talking to my friend whose amrried with 2 children, his wife stays at home and looks after the house.

She works from morning to evening, cleaning, homeschooling the children, washing cloths, ironing, etc. She does not drive by the way.

He commutes to work everyday about 3 hours round trip. At weekends he's very tired, he gets home about 6:30; 2 nights of the week he goes to the gym, the other nights he's at home, they stay in at weekends and have no social life.

In the evenings he plays with the kids, brings out the rubbish, saturday is a wite off as he's no tired, his wife has no time to herself.

Is this the way were all going now?

frobisher

This is something i've realy been thinking alot about lately. It's a thought that profoundly scares me.

nitrogen

Exciting couple, eh?

To be honest, your description could represent a lot of young families except for doing little on weekends. I'm sure people in the same boat are in one of the best periods of their life, others not. It's up to both partners to be imaginative and creative concerning how they spend their time together and with their kids.

Marksie

Unfortunately, with the way things have been mishandled by the shower in charge...yes.

Its so easy to get caught up in the endless round of trying to pay mortgages. etc, that things have been lost

It takes a conscious decision and effort to make the break. Its not available for lots of people because of excess mortgages etc.

I made the decision to say feck the money and moved to 4 day week, changed location having commuted fro beteen 5 and 7 hours PER DAY (depending on the trains ...if thats what you want to call them)
Reduced my commuting time to 2 1/2s per day.

If you can make the break from the treadmill

SprostonGreen

You've just described to me what married life sounds like. That does not appeal to me in the slightest. I'm happy to rent and and have serial flings.

Huggles

Vas_Guy wrote:

I was talking to my friend whose amrried with 2 children, his wife stays at home and looks after the house.

She works from morning to evening, cleaning, homeschooling the children, washing cloths, ironing, etc. She does not drive by the way.

He commutes to work everyday about 3 hours round trip. At weekends he's very tired, he gets home about 6:30; 2 nights of the week he goes to the gym, the other nights he's at home, they stay in at weekends and have no social life.

In the evenings he plays with the kids, brings out the rubbish, saturday is a wite off as he's no tired, his wife has no time to herself.

Is this the way were all going now?

My brother is in the same boat. He brings the kids out on the weekends tho and lets his wife do her own thing, only fair.They have a great quality of life though, everything is 50/50 and shared, inc. kids and house.

In teh case of your friend, I think if his wife was to learn how to drive it would really liberate her and take the pressure off himself a bit. Other than that they seem to be letting there circumstances defeat them.

milod

It's a scary world out there! but for what it's worth, here are some lessons I've learned after 41 years in the big bad city:

The more you do, the more energy you have - if you're tired in the evening get more exercise - counter-intuitive maybe - but it works. Fatigue is sometimes caused by boredom and lack of motivation

Commuting is corrosive - families need together time - not a 5 bed house way out of town. Trade down to the smaller place closer to where you work - believe me you'll be happier - you can buy houses in Finglas for little over €300k

The city isn't evil or bad for children, you just need to take responsibility for their welfare and impose rules. You can get by without a car in many parts of the city now - that increases your mortgage budget. I have a 10 minute commute by bicycle - so it rains sometimes! it's only water - just like in the shower...

Find a babysitter and make sure you go out at least once per fortnight - doesn't have to be expensive - even the Cinema works...

Homeschooling doesn't work - only crackpots and wierdos do it and I've never seen a successful example - kids are social - they need the company of other kids or they'll grow up to be crackpots and wierdos! - get your friend to send them to school and the missus can get a part time job!

There ye go! simple!

dubgirl

I'm sure if the wife in question did not homeschool she would have a lot more time to build more of a social life for herself. At the end of the day it is a choice as to what way you want to spend your life. Getting married and having children need not be the end of you as a person in your own right, but an effort needs to be made by both partners.

AnitaMcCluskey

I think its easy to fall into routine. I'm kinda in the same position at the moment but I also make sure that I have something to look forward to, like going home to Ireland every couple of months or because I live in France/Germany, I can go away for the weekend to other european countries. But during the week is soooooo routine that I actually find it hard to break. It just seems like too much hassle to get ready and going out during the week. I do recommend that the wife learns how to drive though.

DaBreno

If "we have never had it so good", it doesnt say much for previous generations. Myself and herself are tired of fighting the Rat race every week in Dublin, so a move back west is being undertaken. Fed up of losing 2-3 hours of our lives each day, demoralised by traffic and high costs. Were buying in the country, give it a year and see how we get on.

Dragan

Vas_Guy wrote:

Is this the way were all going now?

"Every morning when i wake,
every morning when i wake,
this is my life everyday,
this is my life everyday."

- Plan B "Everyday"

(( sorry, for some reason i am in lyric quoting mood ))

Your life is what you make it, regardless of what you need to do, or how much you need to do. You can let it all get you down or you can do what needs doing and still find your own fun.

It's really that simple.

Civilian_Target

I think there's a certain type of person that falls into a routine. I know I'm not that type of person, and I would never marry someone who is.

My life is never the same every day, it's never even been in danger of being that way... but I'm 22 so it's easy for me to say that. If I couldn't look forward to tomorrow, or next week, I'd find some way to break the cycle.

Ickle Magoo

I agree with Dubgirl, I'm a stay-at-home-mum but I drive & I certainly have a life of my own & we socialise....the kind of life we lead is decided by the choices we make...getting married, having kids, giving up work, home schooling, no social life...all life-style choices....it doesn't have to be that way, they obviously like it....:)

lostexpectation

marksuttonie wrote:

Unfortunately, with the way things have been mishandled by the shower in charge...yes.

Its so easy to get caught up in the endless round of trying to pay mortgages. etc, that things have been lost

It takes a conscious decision and effort to make the break. Its not available for lots of people because of excess mortgages etc.

I made the decision to say feck the money and moved to 4 day week, changed location having commuted fro beteen 5 and 7 hours PER DAY (depending on the trains ...if thats what you want to call them)
Reduced my commuting time to 2 1/2s per day.

If you can make the break from the treadmill

how'd you move to 4 week, what sort of job is it.

Nevyn

It is up to you how 'normal' or 'settled' your life is.
What are you willing to but up with how much effort are you willing to have fun ?
Yes having kids can be very tought going for the first few years and draining but they get older and are less physical work.
What someones life looks like from the outside is very different from what it is when you are the one living it.

Marksie

lostexpectation wrote:

how'd you move to 4 week, what sort of job is it.

Scientist in the civil service. 20% drop in salary..but money isnt everything
and i bought outside of dublin and commuted 8 long years

Gordon

Everyone's lives are the same every day to some extent. It's how you view your life and do what you wish that's important. Sure, Superman's life is the same every day: wake up, catch some baddies, save the world, go to sleep... And it's not like it's a new thing as has been posited earlier, this has been going on for ever!

Practically I really like milod's suggestions. As for the fatigue comments I can totally agree through my own experience.

However, I hate to mod this thread as it's a nice one for PI, but Vas_Guy do you feel that your life is the same every day or are you putting out a general query. If it's a general query I'll move the thread to Humanities as it's more suited there imo.

Oh, and the day I fully realised I was living in an ever repeating circle was the day I decided to move to Greece. It didn't/doesn't make sense for any other reason than my personal and spiritual happiness but I am a lot more happier than living a repetition (even though I still am in a way..).

fuzzywiggle

It's very easy to fall into a routine. Some people like the security of it. What I do think though is you're looking at there lives from the outside. They could be prefectly happy and content with their boring life. If that's not what you want, then make an effort not to get like that. Simple

simu

fuzzywiggle wrote:

They could be prefectly happy and content with their boring life. If that's not what you want, then make an effort not to get like that. Simple

I agree. I mean, for some people, homeschooling their kids would be far more interesting than doing an office job, f'r instance.

I'd agree with that, although its sad it comes to that.

For me it's like this: get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat, sit around (most probably online and/or texting) and then bed. It's horrible. So yes, my life is the same every day.

Black Swan

Sounds like it's time to whip out the Pink Floyd DVD and play THE WALL? Maybe the couple described in the OP will snap out of it? Maybe not. But the music is grand (should be played loud, too!).:cool:

The Sweeper

Doing the same thing day in and day out is only a problem if it's killing you.

If you feel trapped, depressed, tired all the time (a syndrome so common it's abbreviated to TOT on your hospital chart) and miserable in your existance, you need to make changes.

Gordon

Moved from PI on request.

bonkey

Vas_Guy wrote:

they stay in at weekends and have no social life.
...
In the evenings he plays with the kids
...
Is this the way were all going now?

<sarcasm>
God I hope not.

If I have kids, I want us to just be able to ignore them while we go down the pub....just like my parents did with me.
</sarcasm>

I'm not entirely sure what you see wrong with this picture? Is it that they aren't rich enough to let someone else raise their kids for them, or that raising kids takes a significant amount of what previously would have been your spare time?

Why not complain that he's going to the gym two nights a week instead of down the pub? Sounds to me like he has a limited amount of spare time and spends it as he chooses.

If thats what you're scared of, well, do something else with your life. Not having kids might be how you want to start.

As for the Dublin / not Dublin...sure....there are benefits to not living in a city. There's also the downsides. Its give-and-take, just like everything in life is. People living in towns and/or rurally may have a different quality of life, but their day-to-day is rarely any more varied.

jc

milod

Gordon wrote:

Moved from PI on request.

to where?

ToxicPaddy

I think its fairly easy to fall into a routine and then feel stuck in it and have no apparent way out.

You dont have to be married with kids to end up in that stuation, I know a few single people who are like that. They work all hours, not really because they have to but because they choose to, the really have no life outside work and this is a means to pass the time. When they do leave work, its straight home, sit on the sofa and watch TV until its time to go to bed.
The next day is the exact same thing.

Weekends are pretty much the same thing. Meet mates on sat night, get pissed, fall home drunk, die of a hangover sunday on the sofa and and the Monday it starts all over again.

From what the OP said, the couple seem to be stuck in one of those ruts and feel they have to do this, 3 hr commute etc just to get by. Might be worth taking a risk and changing jobs, moving etc and trying to change their liftestyle to give them a better quality of life and more time to spend with each other and the kids.

I nearly fell into a rut, but again, I chose not to. Now I play sports, go to the gym, meet mates for drinks afterwork. Go for lunch with other mates on a regular basis. At weekends, I try and get the odd game of golf in, head home to the parents place regularly and see friends at home, meet up with my cousins and other family members catch up. Granted i dont have a wife or kids to support.

My parents are in their late 50's and have a great lifestyle. Always out and about, eating out, going for drinks, meeting friends for lunch, my father plays golf 4-5 times a week, my mum goes walking on the beach with friends, shopping etc and they go on holiday at least once every year.

They have brought up 4 kids with the last just about to head to college and always took time to go out at weekends and spend time together.

To be honest, if I ever settle down, I'd want a lifestyle like theirs and its nothing to do with excessive wealth or anything that allows them to do this, they just choose to be like this.

Tox