Bad dreams

oceansize

Hey,

Bit sad this but sure, i'll give it a whirl.

Me and my GF broke up a while back (well she kinda ended it) and i thought i was ok with it, but the past few nights i've been having dreams about her over and over where she is breaking up with me and leaving me, and nothing i can do will stop her going. Stuff like she's either just leaving me that day or i met her after she left and asked her if she's seeing someone else and she says she is. How can i stop this? It's making me feel terrible the next day (like physically drained as i keep waking up and realising it's not actually just a dream).

thank you

DubNside

Sounds like you have no closure.

You should call her up and discuss it, try and sort it out in your head as much as possible so you wont have these dreams again.

The fact that it ended so suddenly would be the reason for these dreams, IMO.

Beetlebum

Troubled dreams are often a sign of a troubled state of mind. I used to get bad dreams quite alot, especially around times of stress or if something is upsetting me. Before you go to bed, try writing down everything that's on your mind. Think each item through and try your best to come up with a solution to it or a different way of looking at it. That way your mind will be more at rest. Failing that, eat some cheese before bed. When I eat cheese at bedtime I have these cool wacky dreams.:D

Maybe you should talk to your ex too. She's obviously weighing on your mind.

LegacyUser

I borke up with a girl I was with for 6 years a year ago. Did get a good degree of closure at the time. Moved on very very fast and rebounded that night. But still I have dreams on about 3 out of 7 nights a week about my ex. Very vivid and really pissing me off sometimes. Nothing specific but there is usually a sense of loss and nothing good about them.

Personally my view is in my case it was a very strong bond that ended (rightfully) abruptly. This can take alot of readjustment as the mind gets used to non-collectivist organisation of 'the relationship'.
If you two were very close this might be the case.

My opinion. It gets better with time. I don't dwell on it. I don't want to go out with her ever again but I realise that there will always be somewhat of a part of my heart that is hers. You spend so much time with one person and even if you end on terms of your suiting it will still remain apart of you(unless your a heartless bast-ard).

Don't dwell on it and just try and move on at a good pace. With thosedreams intense its made getting into relationships difficult but I find being open with your new otherhalf is a good move(probably not wise to tell her you dream about your ex every night). You should just lay out the situation of you moving on and that you recognise it takes time.

ANyway. Just don't dwell on it like I said and remember that 'these time are a changin' and you don't want to be left behind. Moving on requires a mature acceptance of our own weaknesses ;-)

LegacyUser

I think that's life really. My parents died more than 10 years ago and, every so often I dream about one or both of them. Usually the dream involves a massive fight over something or other. Not really very pleasant. I think maybe stress (as someone mentioned above) might have something to do with it and U wake up even more stressed out.

oceansize

NortSoide wrote:

I think that's life really. My parents died more than 10 years ago and, every so often I dream about one or both of them. Usually the dream involves a massive fight over something or other. Not really very pleasant. I think maybe stress (as someone mentioned above) might have something to do with it and U wake up even more stressed out.

ye i feel very stressed, and when i think about her i get an awful sting in my chest =( should i go to the docs and get something for stress? I've always been very stressed out for he last few years.

EDIT* Also just found out that she told my mate she had shifted a few people but wouldn' tell em anythin else. i'm dying inside

LegacyUser

Some stress is normal but too much is really bad for people.
If that's the case, start with the doctor.
Maybe look at your general lifestyle - for example,
is your job (a large part of your life) giving U stress :
maybe change it or decide not to take it all too seriously.
What do U do for fun - and I don't mean neckin 15 pints ...

spinandscribble

i think it means you havnt moved on. at least i think that because i broke up awhile ago with my ex and i kept having dreams too about the breakup and the old relationship until now because im pretty strung up on another guy now and i dont just think of my ex unless he txts me or is mentioned. i was so happy when the current interest and i had our 1st proper snuggle and kiss and was on cloud 9 but that night i had this weird sad dream where my ex was telling me horrible things about myself and the new guy. it kinda put a damper on my cheerfulness. i know i still have issues regarding the relationship and i think that might be what you have. except the dreams dont trouble me really because i guess our relationship wasnt exactly a fairytale so i was just relieved when it was over.
contact her and ask her just to clear up a few things

LadyJ

Hi OP,

I've gone through the same kinda thing so I know how utterly depressing it is to wake up after a dream like that.

There's a chance that,apart from a lack of closure,this kind of dream symbolises the lack of control you had over the whole situation.

When a relationship ends and it isn't your decision then it's a very hard thing to deal with. It leaves you feeling helpless and powerless.

Try to get some closure on your relationship and perhaps try to spend time focusing on the things that you do have control over - your studies/job,and the rest of your life.

Once you start to feel like you're in the driver's seat again,things will improve. Also,talking to someone about how you are feeling would be a positive step too. Might help you clear your head a bit.

remain unknown

hey, im in the same boat. Just broke up with gf the other day:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054957405

I havent slept properly since it has happened. Whenever I do fall asleep, I have a dream that we get back together, or its sorting itself out. I wake up and have a happy feeling for around 5 seconds, until reality kicks in.

It is absolutley horrible, and my heart breaks ever more, if possible, everytime this happens. I know its not the exact same thing as above, but I do have the dreams. In a week, I havent dreamt of anything else. In saying that, Ive slept for around 10hrs in total. I didnt sleep last night. I think im afraid to go asleep.

LadyJ

remain unknown wrote:

hey, im in the same boat. Just broke up with gf the other day:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054957405

I havent slept properly since it has happened. Whenever I do fall asleep, I have a dream that we get back together, or its sorting itself out. I wake up and have a happy feeling for around 5 seconds, until reality kicks in.

It is absolutley horrible, and my heart breaks ever more, if possible, everytime this happens. I know its not the exact same thing as above, but I do have the dreams. In a week, I havent dreamt of anything else. In saying that, Ive slept for around 10hrs in total. I didnt sleep last night. I think im afraid to go asleep.

Don't despair.

The initial pain is the worst. You might feel like this for a long time but it will ease off eventually. Maybe it will never be completely better but it does get easier to handle.

I sometimes feel that being dumped is almost worse (in a weird way) than if the person had died because there is such a lack of closure and there's also the feeling of jealousy and rejection a lot of the time too.

In a way,you and the OP are both mourning a loss. Let it wash over you. Accept that thiese first few weeks/months will be the worst of it and after that you'll be able to deal with it in a better way.

Tar.Aldarion

Ah Op, I have dreams about a girl too, ok nightmares. It's 6:40am and I haven't slept, go figure. Not the coolest thing to have to wake up too.
I can imagine they will go with time, if you think about something and it is always plagueing your mind then it' to be expected that some of your dreams will be about it.
Do you think you still want her?



Judy, I'm very sorry to hear that too, hug.

Strokesfan

I used to have dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me and catching him and I used to wake up in a state of anxiety like I was actually going through it all the time. There's nothing you can do cos it's all the feelings you keep inside manifesting themselves in your dreams. Maybe lay off the cheese as was suggested or try a herbal sleep supplement or something. You might have to wait it out but it won't go on for long. If you get really exhausted maybe your doctor would give you some Xanax or something which stops abnormal activity in the brain and prevents anxiety attacks like this.

The_Minister

I give the same advice to anyone with bad dreams, and I assume that it will work here too.
Write down the dreams in a notebook, every detail, every nuonce. Do that until they are gone. Get them out of your head and down on paper. It's almost like filing them away, it allows your mind to compartmentalise them. It works in most cases.

luckat

An aged friend who was a psycho-analyst told me years ago that he had shrunk various men who were (literally) shot down in flames during WWII. They'd have dreams, over and over, of trying to control the plane as it went down. He said they got better when they were able to bring about a different outcome in the dream. Or maybe he said that when they were able to bring about a different outcome they were getting better.

Have you heard of lucid dreaming? It's a whole....art, science, not sure.

Basically, it means learning how to control your dreams. You start by putting your attention on a particular thing all day - say a fridge, a Volkswagen, whatever. As you're thinking about it, you're saying to yourself: "I'm going to dream about you tonight, and when I do, I'll know that I'm dreaming."

Almost invariably the object appears in your dreams, giving you a handle from which to control the dream, so you can control what transpires. After that, it's up to you.

Google "lucid dreaming" and see what you find, if you're interested.

oceansize

luckat wrote:

An aged friend who was a psycho-analyst told me years ago that he had shrunk various men who were (literally) shot down in flames during WWII. They'd have dreams, over and over, of trying to control the plane as it went down. He said they got better when they were able to bring about a different outcome in the dream. Or maybe he said that when they were able to bring about a different outcome they were getting better.

Have you heard of lucid dreaming? It's a whole....art, science, not sure.

Basically, it means learning how to control your dreams. You start by putting your attention on a particular thing all day - say a fridge, a Volkswagen, whatever. As you're thinking about it, you're saying to yourself: "I'm going to dream about you tonight, and when I do, I'll know that I'm dreaming."

Almost invariably the object appears in your dreams, giving you a handle from which to control the dream, so you can control what transpires. After that, it's up to you.

Google "lucid dreaming" and see what you find, if you're interested.

I don't want to control the outcome of those dreams? If that were the case, we'd get back together in the dream and i'd wake up and be upset all over again.

I slept with a quite attractive lady last night, no bad dreams! I think i found the solution!

/V\etalfish

oceansize wrote:

I don't want to control the outcome of those dreams? If that were the case, we'd get back together in the dream and i'd wake up and be upset all over again.

I slept with a quite attractive lady last night, no bad dreams! I think i found the solution!

well hopefully you will be alright wouhou go you !

But if you can control the dreams and you know you are dreaming then it will help stop them altogether
When i was younger, i had this re-occurring nightmare for literally a month solid.
Eventually i used to know when i was dreaming and needed to wake up, from there then i was able to change my dream to a better outcome and viola no more nightmares from that point on ...ever !!

The_Minister

luckat wrote:

Have you heard of lucid dreaming? It's a whole....art, science, not sure.

Lucid dreaming in nightmares is much harder to achieve than in normal dreams. Your best bet is just to try to "destroy" the dream - realise its not real and normally you will wake up, this often stops a cyclic (my term) dream cycle. It's almost like a cognative spanner in the works.

Or, you could go out and have sex like you did, thus, facing your problems.
The second way is more expensive, but, is more fun.

Black Swan

As others have noted, lacking closure in a relationship can cause some to suffer. Other things can increase the propensity to have nightmares, too. Diet, too much java or tea, not enough exercise, these things being physical. What else is happening in your life? I would suspect if you had a strong, meaningful relationship, a past one would not have such a hold on you?

remain unknown

Had a dream yesterday my ex told me she was sleepign with her new guy. I went mad in the dream and starting hitting her and wrecking the place.

Woke up about 15 mins ago. In my dream, she went off with the new guy. She scribbled out my name on al of the cards and letters, and things where me + her love forever. She replaced my name with his. I also found old "wood carvings" she had of her name and his. I could feel my heart breaking all over again, and I realised how much I wanted her back, and was being stupid just mopeing around the place, because I should have been back out fighting for her. Then mcfly were in my dream, but i think that was just random...!

Tar.Aldarion

Hey avril lavigne is in my dreams some times, it must be random too.
It's amazing how ****ed up dreams get when they are about a girl, they really hurt.

Black Swan

The same kind of nightmares can occur when a girl loses a guy she loves.:(

remain unknown

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

The same kind of nightmares can occur when a girl loses a guy she loves.:(

Even if she decides to end it, and is now with someone else?

spinandscribble

depends how much the new guy means to her and if the ex means anything now to her i guess. also depends on how she felt after the split. i get dreams where my ex is telling me and the new guy (im sort of with/will be with) off. it stinks and makes me angry at him for no reason