Long distance relationships

LegacyUser

Just wondering if anyone here is in a distance relationship and does it work?

I've met a really amazing girl, but we live about 120 miles apart - she's in Dublin and I'm in the west. It takes more than 2 hours to drive (the roads are pretty good) and we'll see each other as much as we can - weekends, holidays, etc. But when she and I go back to work in September I'm wondering will it be difficult on the relationship...

I mean, personally I may get very lonely when we're apart. I'm mad about her and she is abot me. I know absence makes the heart grow fonder but too much absence? And I will be thinking of her a lot. She has signed a contract for a job lasting from Sept to May 07 and that is that. I've thought about moving closer to where she lives and leaving my life here behind in Sept... but am not so sure about that. I mean, I'd be leaving all my friends, family, recreational stuff/social stuff, musical buddies, etc.. and am afraid it would seem like I'm getting "too serious" too soon. We only met at the end of May. BTW, we are both mid twenties...

The good news is that we both have holidays and stuff, and are willing to spend them together. But From Sept to May seems like a long time... I never wanted a long distance relationship, and now I've found myself in one! I'm so happy I've met her but I wish she lived closer

LegacyUser

It can work if you really like one another. My gf lives in London and I live in Dublin. We've manged to keep it together for 3 years and are now engaged. The secret is lots of communication. We talk lots on the phone, at least an hour or two every evening and keep in contact with short mobile calls & texts throughout the day. A two hour drive to see your gf is not that bad, it used to take my bro almost an hour to get to his girlfriend and she only lived on the other side of Dublin!!

UU

Well a friend of mine has a long distance relationship also and I don't know how he keeps it! His boyfriend lives in America for god's sake. He's never even met him in person and claims that he's in love with him.

I'd personally find an relationship like that hard to keep. I mean there's a certain amount of physical relationship and bonding involved in a relationship.

OP, you're in a hard situation there really. You should choose between your family and friends or your partner. That doesn't mean to say you can't visit your family and friends back home. You could go to them at the weekends and stay with your partner during the week. That's what I'd do if I were you. Of course, I hope whatever you choose will work out and make you happy.

Good luck.

Dan

Nina_Angelica

this sort of situation depends on the individuals involved.

almost 4 years ago while on vacation in cork, i met my boyfriend. i knew him a total of 3 weeks before i had to leave for home (toronto, canada). it was a pretty fantastic 3 weeks.
i was of the mind that it wouldn't work, given the distance, the fact that he was almost 3 yrs. younger than me and well, let's face it, he's a lad (i no longer think that he is very persistent and focused and has shown me different).

in any case, to make a long story short, through lots of seperation and hard times but also stolen moments together, long conversations and persistence, we're still happy out.
i moved to ireland for a year, now he's been in canada w/ me for a year and we're better and STRONGER than ever the first two years were tough but we got past that and now we reap all the benefits.

so, the q. is, do you think you can handle it?

Lorraine B

Well it depends whether you want it to work or not!! You say you only met at the end of May, IMO its a bit soon to be giving up job, etc to move across the country after her. Fair enough if you still want to do it this time next year but not after less than 2 months!! I'm in a long distance relationship and have been for a while. Meet when you can. And when you can't, well thats what the phone is for. I spend on average about 1 hour per day on the phone and there are some nights when we talk for hours. And the bill is no excuse, Vodafone and o2 both have price plans when you can effectively talk for free to someone else on the same network.

Ruu_Old

G'wan outta that OP, I survived a 3,500 mile long distance relationship and am happily married over 2 years now.:) Enjoy the good times and stick together best you can through the rough times, plenty of calls and so on and last of all good luck with it.

Mrs. MacGyver

It worked for me and i'm still with him 41/2 yrs later. First i was in Cork in College and he was in Dublin. Then i moved to Conamara. We made the effort and worked hard at it. It was tough and there were times i nearly had enough. But at the end of the day you both have to want it to make it really work.

Graki_Khan

My b/f goes to the same college as me in Dublin. We got together in december but in feburary he had to drop out for the year and go back to his home in Sligo.
(Such a mingin 4hr+ journy that is).

That was really tough at first cause that last thing that I wanted was a long distance relationship. Looking back, the most important thing that I learned was that its really important to set a limit to how long its ok to be sepreated for. I'd miss him like crazy way before he would.. or show it at least. So yeah, set a limit and try not to break it and over time the limit should get a bit longer and more managable.

When the college year ended I moved back home to wexford, which makes seeing my b/f pretty difficult. We both have jobs and usually the holidays arent compatable with time or the distance. So to endure the time easier, I try to concentrate on positive things. I'm learning to drive so that going to sligo from wexford wont be so hellish. And we're both looking forward to the coming college year where we've made plans to live together.

I hope that helps. I probably talked too much about my b/f but yeah, I miss him.

Miss Fluff

September to May is only 8 months and it's early days. Enjoy the weekends and holiers together and see how you get on from there. As for moving Lock, Stock and Smoking Barrel to Dublin, don't be silly. I had a couple of long distance relationships and all I can say is that the anticipation is a huge thrill, you'll have a FABULOUS time when you do meet up:)

Nightwish

I was in a long term relationship for almost 7 years. We split amicably because of the distance between us. He lived abroad for a few years moved back to Ireland, but to the other side of the country from me.
If its for the short term it can be managed, but if its for the long term, where neither of you see yourselves being in the same place at the same time, then it may not work out.

sweet_ass

It really all depends on the people, I live in Oklahoma (America) and my boyfriend lived in Maryland (near D.C) which was a couple of thousand miles apart and we managed to last a whole year, we ended it on Monday, ironically on our one year anni. but it really does depend on the people, I cheated on him, which I'm not proud of, but you know it does get lonely, when you in a relationship and can't be around them and all your friends are with someone have fun and all that jazz and it just happens, that's just something you have to keep in mind.

But as someone said above me, communication really is the thing that keeps it together!


Good luck by the way, whatever you end up doing.

Black Swan

Distanced wrote:

Just wondering if anyone here is in a distance relationship and does it work?

Yes. Going on for months and it means a lot to me, indeed!;)

DubNside

Distanced wrote:

I've thought about moving closer to where she lives and leaving my life here behind in Sept... but am not so sure about that. I mean, I'd be leaving all my friends, family, recreational stuff/social stuff, musical buddies, etc...

It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it!

If you are really serious you could move to Dublin, as generally its easier to get jobs here.
And go see your mates on the weekend, bring your GF, make a weekend out of it.
I mean in a few years time all your buddy's could be settled or moved to another part of the country themselves!

Sounds to me like your not willing to trade your life to be with someone you say you love, so what does that say about the current status of your relationship!?

LegacyUser

"Sounds to me like your not willing to trade your life to be with someone you say you love, so what does that say about the current status of your relationship!?"

Well thank you very much for the psycho-analysis of the "current status" of my relationship!! I don't remember mentioning words such as love, or unwillingness to trade my life, I'm only asking questions...

Anyway, thanks for all the responses guys, much appreciated.

I'm really just wondering how a mostly weekend relationship could work and I think it should be fine. It would mean we could take it easy for the first 7 or 8 months, and then if we're still mad about each other we could move things to the next level.

Some of you guys have survived relationships where the person has lived in a different country, and I'm feeling lucky now that at least we are only a couple of hours drive apart. I live in the north west and because the lady is this side of the city, it only takes 2 hours (or 2 hours 20 mins) cos you don't hit traffic (the new roads are great!). I reckon she's worth the extra hassle and pretrol costs

Nina_Angelica

what's the point in having the cake if you can't eat it?

distanced - you hit the nail on the head i remember my b/f and i wishing we were only a couple of hours apart (by car). how much easier it would be on our relationship!
looks like you've it figured out and are feeling better about the whole thing so good for you.

goodluck w/ it

I've had bad experiences with long distance relationships, but that doesnt mean that they don't work.

My brother lives in San Diego and his girlfriend lived in Los Angeles. It is an 8 hour drive, and they would only see each other on weekends. Recently, however, she was able to get a transfer with her job, and now they both live together in San Diego. Yet before this, they managed to maintain their long distance relationship.

Tarakiwa

Sounds like everybody is saying that it can work ........ I have experienced both the good & the bad of a long distance relationship.

I think that you need to be prepared for one or other of you to eventually move closer if the relationship is going to continue. No need to rush it now but if you want the relationship to progress then it is an inevitability.

My, now wife, & I met while we were living in seperate countires. We had to fly to see each other! After a few years we talked about it & decided that 1 of us would have to take the plunge & move - so I moved to Dublin. After another period of time, & as we had not started to kill each other we decided to marry.

I say - GO FOR IT!

blorg

Like other posters, I would say "yes" in the short term, but "no" in the long term, and it certainly puts a stress on the relationship.