What is 'chemistry' in a relationship?

Sheltie

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blocparty

to be honest i think being attracted to your GF/bf is 50% of the relationship and 50% is how ye get on.

thats just me. if i was with someone who i wasnt that attracted to i think id find myself wandering and thats totally unfair

Marksie

If you want a realtionship rather than a friendship, chemistry is important. this can take many forms and that incudes mental stimulation

Mental stimulation IS very important to me and i would agree that physical attractivness is less important than outlook. It may be that you should look beyiond the pure physical and at what turns you on about her.

Being in a realtionship is, at times, looking beynd the pure physical and at the person underneath the skin. In the long run, how she makes you feel and how you relate will be more sustaining than pure looks

Years ago I knew a guy who had had a succession of stunning models as girlfriends. In the end e marriedd someone who was "plain". His reasoning: He loved the way they communicated, they related and the way they could relate to everything.

foxyloxy

Well speaking from experience, I had a relationship with someone who told he loved me, and we had great craic. We had good chemistry. The problems arose when I realised he was embarassed to be seen with me because he worried that people would think I wasn't attractive enough for him, or he was out of my league... Obviously others wouldn't understand how he had chemistry with me....
That really hurt. I was devastated that someone could be so shallow.
I've been in relationships with people who may not be considered "attractive" by others, but I couldn't care less. . If someone has a good sense of humour, is witty and there is chemistry.... then that's it. But chemistry is undefinable. Its more than a measure of how attractive someone looks.
So you have to decide if chemistry is something you have an issue with or not, because its a cruel, hurtful, disrespectful thing to start a relationship where theres lots of good stuff, but whichfalls flat because the chemistry(inc.desire) is compromised. Just my thoughts!:D

Ickle Magoo

In my experience if the sexual chemistry (I presume this is the chemistry to which you are referring?) isn't there then it never will be....I've been sexually attracted to a man but not liked their personality but gotten to know them & grew to like them as a person....but I have never thought a man unattractive or who did not turn me on & then gotten to know them & suddenly found them sexually attractive....sorry...:(

Húrin

If I'm attracted to her personality then I usually find her physically attractive anyway, even if it wasn't apparent at first.

Zapho

Think of it this way, when you're looking for someone, I'm talking long term here, some one you'll spend the rest of your life with, you're better off to take the girl (or guy) that is mentally stimulating, someone you can always have a conversation about anything and someone you will always find interesting because no matter how good looking someone is, looks will fade eventually!


But if you feel that this is worth a shot, I say take it. You'll have a far better relationship with her than you would with a drop dead gorgoeus girl who's as interesting as a brick wall.

Black Swan

Sheltie wrote:

You find them very attractive in different ways and the feeling is very mutual, particularly because they're mentally stimulating, which is something that you always find a big turn on...Thanks

Whoa! This is the truth for me. Aside from all his other qualities, his creative writing is grand, and at times so intense that he leaves me breathless!

Beruthiel

Sheltie
Please state your personal issue?
B

BoozyBabe

Well, my V quick take on it:-
My bf, who I plan to spend the rest of my life with, started out as someone I knew, someone I thought was a sound person, then we became best friends, & remained great friends for many years.

I never thought anything of him other than a friend. I missed his company when I didn't see him, but that was just because I enjoyed his company so much.

Years passed & eventually we realised we were crazy about each other. When I see him I get butterflies, when he touches me I get goosebumps, when he looks at me in a crowd, the twinkle in his eye says I love you, we can spend forever together & never get bored, yet think time went too fast when we have to part, yet we can spend time apart reassured that we'll be together again soon.

Our relationship is amazing! I feel I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I never saw anything attractive, never mind sexually attractive in him as a friend (not because he's not attractive, but because he was a friend:- just like you wouldn't find your good looking brother attractive, if you know what I mean..), but now when I see him, he's like sex on legs to me!

So I think physical attraction can grow if the personality is right.

keithclancy

Sense of humour is v.important for me. Witty, Intelligent, Spotaneous. Physical attraction is important too. Smile ... Eh .. Spark ..

Hmm .. i dunno .. just whatever i'm into, never really tried to categorise all this stuff.

Marksie

BoozyBabe wrote:

Well, my V quick take on it:-
My bf, who I plan to spend the rest of my life with, started out as someone I knew, someone I thought was a sound person, then we became best friends, & remained great friends for many years.

I never thought anything of him other than a friend. I missed his company when I didn't see him, but that was just because I enjoyed his company so much.

Years passed & eventually we realised we were crazy about each other. When I see him I get butterflies, when he touches me I get goosebumps, when he looks at me in a crowd, the twinkle in his eye says I love you, we can spend forever together & never get bored, yet think time went too fast when we have to part, yet we can spend time apart reassured that we'll be together again soon.

Our relationship is amazing! I feel I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I never saw anything attractive, never mind sexually attractive in him as a friend (not because he's not attractive, but because he was a friend:- just like you wouldn't find your good looking brother attractive, if you know what I mean..), but now when I see him, he's like sex on legs to me!

So I think physical attraction can grow if the personality is right.

Often the head rush of meeting someone who turns you on sexually will not last, its is the elevantion of serotonin and hormone levels which cause this. THey have been shown to go back to normal levels after a few months. fter that you may wake up and find you have nothing in common.

In boozy babe situiation, she got to know her boyfriend first and that made a difference I think, so therefore the building blocks of hopefully a lifeliong commitment are well laid as a foundation.

THis is not to say that it is what is going to happen for you, but that its a possibility.

Sheltie wrote:

I've actually found myself in this type of situation before. I can be quite choosy about the guys I date but for some reason, possibly sheer coincidence, the guys I would like to have a relationship with have never been that physically attractive, to me, I mean. I don't think there's anything more underlying than that, but there certainly has been a pattern. However, in a past relationship, this was picked up on and became an issue when other aspects of the relationship got difficult.

There may be something to this, who you see yourself in a relationship with is not who you are attracted too.. and it may show after time.