General Advice. What are your gut feelings?

LegacyUser

I have been seeing a girl for a while, been going out with her basically for the last month and I know her longer than that. We get on so well soberly and when we are togeather we have so much fun. We have interests in common(we play tennis togeather), we both rip the piss out of each other and get on real well.

There is one problem, drunken nights out. There always seems to be drama when we are out. Let me explain, 2 weeks ago(Saturday night) we were in the palace and she was there with her college friends and I was there with couple of my mates and we were both hammered pretty much. I knew she was with her college friends and I didn't want her to feel as if she had to entertain me so I saw her there briefly and she went off dancing and that was cool...so i got a txt later going "Where r u? I want to see you" and i had at this stage left to go to Bucks to where a good bulk of my mates were...so i texted her going "I left the palace cos the buzz wasn't up to scratch so went off to Bucks" and she called me drunk going "Why did u leave etc?" and i was like "I couldn't find u and didn't want to disturb u with ur college friends so i left..." and anyway because we were both pretty drunk, i started going on saying "I had all these random girls coming up and talking to me when the only girl iwanted to talk to was you" and she got annoyed cos i was kinda saying it was her fault and she was going "Your the prick who left not me! Don't try blame me for this". Anyway what happens is, saturday nights are usually mayhem cos we get too drunk and sunday is always the "Oh no let's have a chat"...it's no big deal but we are making it hard for ourselves and we both keep saying it...

So as you can see, it's ridiculously petty drunken crap...

This is what happened last Saturday as in 2 days ago...it was my birthday and I didn't want to get too drunk cos I didn't want to have any "drama" with my girl...anyway, what happened was my guy mates came over to my house and we drank cans, watched the world cup matches and then went to a club...i was going to be seeing my girl up there with her friends. So anyway, the guys got me hammered and I got shots of whiskey so I was pretty damn drunk again, not legless by any means but I was pretty drunk. Anyway, what happens? My girlfriend calls me to come out to see her in the smoking area, I go out, some guy says I knocked over his girlfriends drink so he decks me in the head, I deck him back, break my knuckle in my hand and the cops are called, It wasn't my fault...the guy started on me, the bouncers know that and the cops know that so they come and take our names whatever. My girl runs inside, goes to the bar and drinks 3 shots on her own! So this was around 2:30am anyway, so the club was closing, I go outside with my mates and I see her there so I go up to her and say wats up. She is dissapointed that the fight had happened and "drama" is created again so me hammered apparently went up to her with my phone and said "Listen if you don't want drama, i'm sorry...and i show her her name in my phone and delete her details" , she gets real pissed off and storms off on me and we just are arguing over nothing basically...

So this is the situation...she came over again yesterday, told me she knew I didn't mean what I was saying which shows she had more sense than I did because I don't even remember deleting her number, like why would I? I am nuts about her! I told her i'm so sorry with this and she knows we get on so well soberly too and this is just making it harder for ourselves, she has family issues going on in her life and the last thing she wants is to be fighting with me drunk. I told her that I would never want to damage anything I am building with her because I am genuinely crazy about her, she is such a fun girl and she thinks the same of myself.

Anyway, I have decided whenever she is out with me and we are out in our own groups or whatever, I am always going to not get pissed because I seem to just go out of control really drunk and we always argue over something stupid. She was saying that I shouldn't have to not drink when out with her and I was saying "I know...i am doing it to be in control of myself better because I know nothing would happen if I knew what i was doing...as in no drama"

We also promised each other to prove that we can get on just as well drunk as we do soberly by getting drunk, just the two of us one day.

So what is your make on it? Even been in something similar?

TheTruthFairy

Stop drinking.

LegacyUser

I think U should give up drinking, mate.
U are clearly not able to handle it - no offence intended.
U will not keep that girl if U continue with that sort of behaviour.
U and your girl should find something more constructive to do in
your spare time.

Beruthiel

second one today NortSoide, you're on a roll

DrunkenMadness wrote:

So what is your make on it?

That you both need to cut back on the drink, big time. full stop.

Tobias Greeshman

I'll ditto that.

You really need to cut out the drink, because it's not doing you any favours. You obviously can't handle your drink, if you're going out every weekend and getting that bad you have no control over your actions.

You say you get on grand when both of you are sober. So why not organize a few things together, that doesn't involve drink. Cinema, meal, shopping, etc.

Marksie

alcohol related fights, arguments with g/f after drink. getting "hammered"

Stop drinking

Not only will you lose the girl, you will get arrested, taken to court and fined/imprisoned.

Etither that or you will be or cause another hospital statistic.

free2fly

You should stop drinking. Alcohol related arguments can destroy a relationship. And as it sounds like you really like this girl, just give it up. Also, if you can't remember what happened while you were drunk you are definitely drinking far too much.

HJ Simpson

Give up the booze . If you dont want to do it do what I do drink bottles
of beer. Yes its the same price as a point if your in
a round at least your only drinking half your usual amount.

Miss Fluff

Thanks NortSoide - shucks

Basically DrunkenMadness, I don't think a way to a girl's heart is by going out and behaving like a thug. Would you say you drink EVERY time you hook up? Is your relationship based on going out and getting drunk? Try and organise dinner/bowling/cinema - some other activities that don't involve being rat-arsed all the time. Surely some warning bells should be ringing for you if you go out for a couple of drinks and your evening ends with the cops being called because of violence? Either cut down and learn to control it or give it up.

LegacyUser

I think a lot of couples when they first hook up go through a stage of 'adjustment' (i call it), where they have petty rows over silly things for no good reason. This is particularly the case when both groups of friends have to be catered for and mingled with. Two worlds collide. Luckily most people will readjust to their partners lifestyle and friends and manners within a few months or a year.

As long as you still are having predominantly good times, and really get on with each other, and try to lessen the extent of the arguments - I wouldn't worry.

Also about the drink, don't listen to the naysayers - you don't need to give up drink, just control yourself a bit better. Make an effort to cut down and not get to an absolutely slopey stage ... obviously there will be an exception when you overdo it.

Gordon

Beruthiel wrote:

second one today NortSoide, you're on a roll

If they only knew!

I agree with the rarely shown poster - NortSoide. Well done that man!

Fanny Cradock

DrunkenMadness wrote:

We also promised each other to prove that we can get on just as well drunk as we do soberly by getting drunk, just the two of us one day.

Well done, if I’m to decipher that coorrectly, I believe it to be the most retarded statement I’ve heard all day! If you are not willing to stop drinking - why not curtail your intake when you’re out with her?

uncle ernie

posts suggesting they give up drinking are redundant as this is most likely not going to happen. only advice i can think of is stay away from the top shelf:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

my friend was in a similar situation. him and his girl used get drunk and then they'd fight followed by a "chat" the next day.

if i was in that situation i would go insane. couples have fights all the time but having alcohol to make the situation worse is madness.

im not saying im perfect and my relationship with my girlfriend is perfect but we dont have drama when we go out. we just drink have a laugh with our friends and the for the last hour or so dance with each other and then we get food, i walk her to a taxi and then home.

i know ye're not gonna stop drinking but seriously learn to have a social drink together either alone or in a big group. maybe for the WC final or something just have a drink or two and learn not to get pissed

maturity is the only way to get over this if you want to drink and keep your girlfriend

LegacyUser

Thanks for the posts. I'm a decent guy and I really do care for her a lot. I don't want to mess it up.

I meet her soberly for lunch during the week, we play tennis on saturdays and we go for walks and stuff togeather on evenings during the week. We are also fairly close with each other, I mean I don't have to hide who I am around her and I am pretty sure she does the same around me. She is a top girl and I think our problem is we both have times where we just drink too much and then "drama happens". I mean 3 weeks ago, she was the one who drank too much and she got paranoid that I was going to go off and score someone else. I didn't get annoyed by this at all and it was no big deal...wanna know why? Cos I was sober that night and I was looking out for her and that is why I remained sober. I can do it. I know I can.

I have decided that whenever she is out with me, then I am going to be responsible and not drink a lot. As a test, for the next 2 weeks, I am not going to drink anything at all. I sware my reason for doing this is so I don't mess up with her and also so i can be more in control of myself. Also, she txted me last night that she is going to give up the booze for a while too. I mean, we are both similar people. We can both get hot headed and alcohol just fuels to that when something "happens", i have never had an arguement with her soberly and we just laugh and have fun being togeather.

Let's not beat around the bush, we know we are going to have arguements @ some stage probably but that's no big deal...we can sort that out, arguements are healthy. We just don't want to make it difficult for us so that is why the booze is being cut down.

LegacyUser

Seems like you do like her a lot. Alcohol is trouble if it is not taken responsibly. Just be careful.

hullaballoo

DrunkenMadness wrote:

it's ridiculously petty drunken crap...

So, what's the question?

LegacyUser

You know, this is actually a really interesting thread. I think that if you grow up in Ireland you actually have a very warped idea of the healthy use of alcohol. It seems normal because everyone seems to embrace it, but there are whole vast areas of the world where people don't feel the need to get ****faced three nights a week or more to have a good time.

Some people can handle excessive binge drinking, but they are few and far between and most people can't, at least in my opinion. I think the majority of people figure this out and curtail their drinking, but many people don't and their lives are screwed up and they don't even particularly benefit in the process.

Whatever about individuals, our society has a problem with booze.

The bottom line is that some people just can't drink, no matter how much fun they have when they do it. If your drinking affects your life when you're not drinking, then you really have to do a cost benefits analysis and consider just not drinking. The world won't end.

Black Swan

Have an older cousin. He is the nicest guy when sober, but is ready to fight when drunk. You answered your own question. Cut back on the drinking.

Feast

Sorry OP, but you sound very immature. I would never just leave a pub on someone no matter how drunk I was. She was right to be annoyed.

And fair enough, you were started on but you didnt have to hit back. If I sawe my boyfriend in a fight, it would really turn me off him, regardless of who started it.

Dragan

Feast wrote:

Sorry OP, but you sound very immature. I would never just leave a pub on someone no matter how drunk I was. She was right to be annoyed.

Actually, you most likely would were you drunk enough....you just have the sense no to drink that much i suppose.

OP, your spot on, cut down on the booze, have her do the same to be honest as it sounds like she is a fan of pounding a few as well.

Oh yeah, and don't worry about your mates and there " lets get langered" attitude... simple fact is that if they need other people to be drunk so they can have fun then they have a problem as well.