Honestly- does age matter?

thetheiotry

I'm 23 and I've been seeing a 34 (nearly 35 year-old) woman for three, almost four months and things are going great.
I like her a lot, and I think this relationship has got an awful lot going for it.
I've been in two two-year relationships with women of my own age before and they didnt work out as in both cases they said they wanted to 'live a bit', IE screw around.
This doesnt seem to be the case with the new woman im seeing at all, she's very trustworthy, likes to go out as much of me, great looking, sex is awesome etc...but there's a slight bit of doubt on my behalf, not about how much I like her but rather whether or not I'll be enough for her.
I mean what happens if she turns around tomorrow and says she wants kids etc, She's hinted that she has no desire to have them but my mates have been winding me up about this, and maybe they've got a point.
I dont know where im going with this post, but can a 23 yearold and a 34 have a happy, fulfilling relationship?!
Can it work, dont suppose any of you guys are the products of such a relationship age wise?
Anyone done the age gap relationship, did it end? if so, why?
Would you do it again?

Nevyn

Don't let your mates wind you up.
If you are happy in the relationship then what more do you want ?

Huggles

Thaedydal wrote:

Don't let your mates wind you up.
If you are happy in the relationship then what more do you want ?

Agreed. Its your life, if your happy, let it be.

kittenkiller

How is your age-difference situation different from the dozens of other threads on the topic that have been posted before?
If you're worried about what she wants from a relationship or her long term plans ask her about them!

People on the other side of a computer can't really shed any light on your unique situation!

Read the other threads & take some real life action to set your mind at ease.

constitutionus

honestly? no, age doesnt matter. if you love her and she loves you it can work out. the only mate of mine whos relationship has lasted is 18yrs younger than the woman he married.

just be up front with what you both want, it may surprise you but some girls dont want kids. if she wanted to get up the duff she couldve done it way before now so dont start fretting about that.
the only problem you will have is the one you just pointed out. other people!, its amazing how petty alot of people are and you will get alot of flak for it but feck em. in the end its whats between you and her that matters and not what a bunch of nobodies think. half em are just bitter anyway. enjoy what you have mate, theres no point ending it because of what other people think or fears for the future. i dont mean to sound harsh but you could get hit by a truck tomorrow, what would they have counted then?

Talliesin

thetheiotry wrote:

I'm 23 and I've been seeing a 34 (nearly 35 year-old)

When my two eldest kids were 4 being "nearly 5" was important. When one is 34 being "nearly 35" isn't.

thetheiotry wrote:

woman for three, almost four months and things are going great.

Mazel Tov!

thetheiotry wrote:

but there's a slight bit of doubt on my behalf, not about how much I like her but rather whether or not I'll be enough for her.

In a way, this could be a good thing. You're looking at her and weighing things up and thinking you'll not be enough for her - essentially that you're getting the good part of the bargain.
Now, maybe she's looking at you thinking she's getting the good part of the bargain. In which case you're both thinking that you're getting the good part of the bargain. Aww, how sweet (as long as neither of you get into the "they'll want more" vibe in a neurotic way and mess it up).

thetheiotry wrote:

I mean what happens if she turns around tomorrow and says she wants kids etc,

I don't know, not being you. What does happen if she decides that.

thetheiotry wrote:

She's hinted that she has no desire to have them

If this is important to you have a talk about this, move from hints to conversation.

On the other hand, what happens if you turn around tomorrow and decide you want kids. Given that you're only 23 you're therefore more likely to have changes in your views about this over the next few years.

thetheiotry wrote:

but my mates have been winding me up about this,

Some people will do this. Some because they know you very well and can say things to you that other people can't. Some because they're twats and saying things to you that they should keep their stupid mouth closed about.

thetheiotry wrote:

and maybe they've got a point.

Nah.

thetheiotry wrote:

I dont know where im going with this post, but can a 23 yearold and a 34 have a happy, fulfilling relationship?!

Sure. It introduces some more possible issues, but every real world relationship has a few things you could say that about.

LovelyHurling

Of course age shouldnt matter but the fact is that yes, it often impacts relationship and particularly if there is an age gap of almost 12 years. It would be wrong to assume that things will unquestionably be the same as if you were both 23.
Im 23 as well and last year I went out with someone briefly who was 29. Ok not a big difference, and she didnt look her age. But she was at a completely different place in her life than I: she taught History and Religion, I was in my final year of college, she stayed in on Thursday night, I got hammered with my mates. Her bedroom was silent, serene and sophisticated, I shared a room with a waster and my mattress smelled like Dutch Gold. And It didnt work, not because of our ages' but because of the emotional and personal situations your age accomodates.

Also, there was something you hinted at, and it was children. Children are something else that will decide your future. Shes 35 and youre 23. Most guys I know dont start wanting children until they hit 30, by then her biological clock will have struck midnight.

Most 35 year olds are also going to be up for marriage a lot sooner than most 23 year olds.

Anyway, if you're enjoying yourself and it feels okay then stick with it. But I wouldnt just dismiss age as something that has no input into the success or detriment of a relationship. I would do it again cos even though it was a disaster in the end Ive never been in a relationship that didnt have some benefit on me so Id be afraid Id miss something.

...Like the sex. bet its good alright:p

Beruthiel

thetheiotry wrote:

I'm 23 and I've been seeing a 34 (nearly 35 year-old)

My b/f is 8 years younger than me, we've been together nearly 7 years. Age has never been an issue because both our heads are in the same place.
If your g/f wanted kids, I don't believe she would be going out with you as she would know that's too much to ask at your age.
As Talliesan said, if the relationship continues, it could be you who wants kids and she won't.
Why don't you just relax and enjoy it. So what if people slag you, your friends know you are enjoying it and they're jealous I say!
I've always thought that there are some people out there who go very well with you, that doesn't mean that you can guarantee their age as being the same as yours, but so what, when you fit, you fit.

Black Swan

Age is not a factor if you truly love one another. The person I am interested in is 4 years older and age is not a factor for us, although we kid each other about it every now and then. Humour is important in a relationship. As to your mates, why don't you humour them too? They can only hurt you if you take them seriously.

Dors1976

Personally it doesn't matter to me but the best way you will ever know is to talk to her to make sure you both feel secure and grounded. Dated a guy for about 8 months who was a decade older, ended coz no real communication between us, shame! nice guy too. Anyway I think that you shouldn't pay any tattention to your mates once you are happy and you have good communication in your relationship.

d-arke

Without reading the other comments, go for it mate. I have a friend that moved to London when he was 23, met a his girlfriend who was 38ish, now two years later, they are married and have an 18 month old baby girl. So yes, it can definitely work out. If you're both happy, and can cope with everyone else's possible concerns, nothings stopping you have a good time.

LovelyHurling

d-arke wrote:

Without reading the other comments, go for it mate. I have a friend that moved to London when he was 23, met a his girlfriend who was 38ish, now two years later, they are married and have an 18 month old baby girl. So yes, it can definitely work out. If you're both happy, and can cope with everyone else's possible concerns, nothings stopping you have a good time.

So they met 2 years ago and their baby was conceived (18+9) 2 years and 3 months ago
That might say more for what a baby can do for a relationship than love (with respect, obviously I dont know them). To be honest whilst of course age isnt the be all and end all of a relationship, it is irresponsible and unfair advice to suggest that it will all be rosy and that the people around you who know you best are wrong and some internet forum posters like us know what is correct

OP: Originally Posted by thetheiotry
and maybe they've got a point.

Talliesin: Nah.

OP, go with whatever you want. But your friends know you well, and at least listen to what they say if they have serious points to make. Hope it all goes well for you and the missus.

tj-music.com

Age does not matter at all. My gf is 11 years younger and one of my ex - wives was 7 years older and age was never the problem.

Anti

thetheiotry wrote:

I'm 23 and I've been seeing a 34 (nearly 35 year-old) woman for three, almost four months and things are going great.
I like her a lot, and I think this relationship has got an awful lot going for it.
I've been in two two-year relationships with women of my own age before and they didnt work out as in both cases they said they wanted to 'live a bit', IE screw around.
This doesnt seem to be the case with the new woman im seeing at all, she's very trustworthy, likes to go out as much of me, great looking, sex is awesome etc...but there's a slight bit of doubt on my behalf, not about how much I like her but rather whether or not I'll be enough for her.
I mean what happens if she turns around tomorrow and says she wants kids etc, She's hinted that she has no desire to have them but my mates have been winding me up about this, and maybe they've got a point.
I dont know where im going with this post, but can a 23 yearold and a 34 have a happy, fulfilling relationship?!
Can it work, dont suppose any of you guys are the products of such a relationship age wise?
Anyone done the age gap relationship, did it end? if so, why?
Would you do it again?

Im 22, my Gf is 35. Its the best relationship i have ever been in.
My mates try to wind me up, it used to get to me now i just laugh.

If it feels right go for it

Owen

Only downside is if you're physically attracted to her, when you're 40, she'll be nearly 52 and menopausal. Your mates who are 40 will have wives of between 30-35. It will be difficult if physical appearance is a factor in your relationship.

Otherwise, drive on. One of the best relationships I've had in a while was with a 31 year old at 26, 5000 miles between us and an empty bank account from constantly flying across the pond didn't help. Age is a number.

LegacyUser

Im gettin married to my gf in september

Im 24 shes 35 its great

milod

ned78 wrote:

Only downside is if you're physically attracted to her, when you're 40, she'll be nearly 52 and menopausal. Your mates who are 40 will have wives of between 30-35. It will be difficult if physical appearance is a factor in your relationship.

My best mate recently broke up with his g/f - he's 40 , she's 51. He's still mad about her, but her self esteem and age worries ruined the relationship - she simply couldn't believe he still adored her, wrinkles and all and literally drove him away. It's sad but the OP better plan on giving a whole lotta reassurance when his g/f reaches her 40s.

My advice to thetheiotry is go bald early and grow a pot belly - least then you'll look the same age!

AnitaMcCluskey

My father is 12 older than my mother and they are still together 25 years on with 7 children. They wouldn't allow age to be a factor in their relationship and you shouldn't either. However, what happens if you decide to have children and she is too old by then???? My friend is 30 and her soon-to-be husband is 22 years her senior and he had a little operation many years ago to prevent anymore offspring (already has 2) At the start of their relationship this didn't bother her because she figured that she didn't want kids and if she did, the operation can be reversed, but now she has left it too late and her want for children leaves him feeling inadeqate. She loves him more than her need to reproduce but he has so many issue concerning this that it begins to have serious effects on the relationship. You need to discuss this with her so that you can keep options open for the latter years, whether it be to freeze some of her eggs as a just in case or to go on the way you are and take risks and have them naturally later. This probably scare the hell out of you to be thinking like this but it better than regretting thing later.