Friends.. falling for them.. what-why?

champagne

Not sure what kinda reply I’m expecting typing this but it’s good to talk I guess.

I’m 21, never had a girlfriend and yes, that is starting to bug if not hurt me. I guess it’s fair to say I don’t have much self confidence in social situations (but at the same time, I know some friends perceive me differently?)

Thing is, while I never had a girlfriend but at the same time, most of my friends seem to be girls (I’m not quite sure why) and by the kinda person I am/they typically are, we seem to have “one on one” friendships rather than hang in groups.

Earlier this year, I half admitted to a friend that I liked her / could see us as more.. and got thrown quite far. Getting real I knew she didn’t see me as more and was expecting that reply.

I had convinced myself otherwise, her joking with a mutual friend that we were “together” and others seeing us as a couple made that even easier.. a beer too many was all it took. I guess that sent my “relationship self confidence” down even more, and me into a short depression (for various reasons too, but liked her).

**

That brings me to the reason for this post.

So a friend of a friend moved to where I’m living earlier this year - since my friend was leaving at pretty much the same time, promised I’d show her around etc. Worlds apart: she 4 years older than me, wildly different interests-hobbies, she basically doing nothing but enjoying life for a few months and me somewhat busyat college... I wonder how we became friends at all.

(Perhaps as any dreams of the other girl disappeared), started spending ever time with her, saw each other almost daily (and it’s not like we live next door, almost the other end of town), entire weekends, days in the park doing nothing, evenings just walking the streets, the things we talked about…. Thinking about it now, looking at the photos and even in other people’s perceptions (yes those always seem to be wrong, I got that part), it seems to have been a relationship …. but no who am I kidding, of course it wasn’t!

Well now, I’m going my way for the summer and she’s leaving for her new life (well six year commitment) in the US and it’s crazy, but I’m left feeling something. But I also feel she feels nothing at all and no matter how much I’d like to think it’s her lack of self confidence or maybe these circumstances which are putting us an ocean apart, I guess I really just am another friend and I’m left wondering what-why?

**

This is the most stupid thing to add to this post but well it’s there. While I’ve never had a girl say she sees me as anything more, I once had a guy fall in love with me (it’s more complicated than that, but I might aswell say it as I see it today). Furthermore, I seem to quite regularly get hit on by guys… and I just don’t get it.

I know I’ll meet someone one day but still I long for a relationship today. It’s not made easier since my studies seem to have me moving from place to place but I still see other people jumping in and out of relationships and I can’t even have a single one.

Slutmonkey57b

The girls like you but you're slipping into *dramatic music* The Friend Zone too much. Try and read The Game by Neil Strauss. Or follow the moral of the story: nice guys finish last.

Vegeta

sorry to hear about it dude, don't worry it'll come if you're a nice guy things will work out for you.

my best friend didn't have a girlfriend til he was 22 and he is a good lookin chap who is in good shape, a catch basicly. He has been with this girl for 6 months now.

Jus give it time and don't hide yourself away from the world, you are obviously intelligent (in college) have a decent personality (both girls were able to get on with you). don't fear rejection, its tough but chin up mate

CrazySka

Dont despair man, itll sort itself out.
My advice to you would be in the early days of getting to know a girl be friendly but not overly friendly, if you get what i mean, try and introduce a romantic level before becoming a person she talks to about personal things.
Try and meet girls outside of the circle of girls you already know, girls with no connection to the friends youre talking about, if a girl sees you as a friend and introduces you as such its a lot more likely that her mates will as well.

keithclancy

Go out and pursue someone you like ...
If your too nice you'll get into that friends category very easily ...

TBH .. I don't think people want someone 'nice' in a relationship .. they want someone they can love,kiss,fight with, make up with and of course.. have nasty hot sex......

Let yourself go, treat women more like you treat men, friends.... would you be as friendly and nice with your buddies ?

Anyways .. Maybe i'm completely wrong.. but you could give it a go and not be any worse off.