Long Distance : Most likely you'll go your way and i'll go mine

LegacyUser

It's not always true but I assume for couples who have done long distance and made it, that there was a time when they wondered was it worth it. By distance, I mean different countries.

Situation: I'm here and she's in a different continent. All visa options are out for her to come here, except marriage. We've been together 2 years, lived together for 8 months in her country. Both in our mid twenties.

Most of my mates have partners; appointments are made in writing for social meetings, you get the idea. So, I've started to meet one or two girls, drinks / cinema. Not really dates but there are possibilities. I haven't been completely honest that I'm involved with someone. One can only put up with his own company for certain amounts of time on weekends and evenings. Summer. Drinks by the river. Temptations. Weaknesses. Selfishness. Company.

Has anyone been in a similar situation: very torn and considered being a bad boy/girl? Broke up with someone JUST because of distance? How you went about it? Regretted it?

galah

Funny, for me it was not the distance that killed it, it was the actual living together after a year and a bit of distance (Australia - Ireland), of not knowing what the other person did 24/7, that caused the problems...While we were apart, there was always a reason, a goal if you like, to make the relationship work, to keep working on it - as a reward, we always had the "living together" as the ultimate goal...So personally, I was never tempted to be naughty - can't speak for my ex though, the lying cheating drug-addicted b*stard...

But people and relationships are different...

nialo

Ive done the distance gig and it didnt work out for me. Lack of contact and the ability to see the person regularly was a big problem. then she wanted out... if ur considering doing the dirt ur not really interested. so get out. dont be a prick. talk about it and then get out if u cant handle the distance. u have to be into to it fully or else it wont work.

if the person is worth it fight for it dont let it go just cause u get lonely....

marissa

yeah iv done it between different counties louth+monaghan didnt work out..still friends but u just kinda fed up of not seeing them.. the fact i dont drive greatly added to it.
phone calls and texts just dont add up to the real person.
we meet up regulary but dont dwell on it

anyway thats my two cents!!!

ianmc38

Great Dylan song!

Aoileann

In a similar situation myself...
My bf has been offered a fantastic highly paid Job in England.
Do we or don't we stay together?
He says he'd like to but we've been having a lot of problems recently and had only just decided to give things another go when he found out about the job. A few months ago I would have said yes without any hesitation but things have been so rocky I'm not sure that right now we have the basis for a successful long distance relationship. That said and despite everything that has happened I do know I love him dearly...
Any advice?

lazygit

Did it many times over the last 5 years, she was away at college for a year, i was abroad working for months at a time, we have had our up's and downs like all people do. were now married and happy as pigs in sh*t...so it can work out

Ruu_Old

Indeed it can work out, my wife was in the US in college where she lived and I was in Ireland working for good couple of months (many, many flights there and back) before we got it all sorted out and we are over 2 years married. It can work if you both want it bad enough. Best of luck.

Aoileann

But is it possible to build such a relationship at a point when things between us have been so strained? I do want it and him bad enough but I don't want either of us to get hurt again...

Ruu_Old

Aoileann wrote:

But is it possible to build such a relationship at a point when things between us have been so strained? I do want it and him bad enough but I don't want either of us to get hurt again...

Things are going to be strained but if you can get through the rough times you both will be stronger people.

Ayla

I have also been in this same boat. My husband grew up in Ireland & I in the States and we met in Galway four years ago. We traveled together for about 4 months, then I decided I had to "make something of myself" so I returned to the States. He returned to Ireland, where he invested his time, energy & money into getting an American visa.

At the time we moved apart, I was devestated. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I was crushed for a long while after. We'd speak every Wednesday night, and we both worked on finding a way to be back together.

Now, this is where I become the villan. I had been in a number of relationships before this one, and I truly loved him but had the feeling that the relationship would turn out like all of the rest. I didn't have all that much confidence that we would outlast this hurdle, and I managed to convince myself that sleeping with someone else would be somehow forgivable.

It tore me apart, however, and I eventually thought it only fair that I tell him. You cannot imagine the pain you can cause someone until you have a conversation like that. That ordeal, however, proved to me how much I really did love him, and how much I wanted to stay with him. So I booked a ticket to Ireland that night, got on the plane and showed up at his door.

I stayed there for two days, and although the pain never eased I left thinking I had patched things up. It wasn't until he finally moved to the States two months after that I really thought our relationship safe. And almost two years after that we had the best wedding day ever.

But you know, about a week after the wedding, he told me that only after the vows were exchanged did he finally feel any release from the pain I had caused him. Even now, almost a year and a half later, and a child on the way, we still both avoid the topic of infidelity. We can never ever bring it up.

So if there's one regret I have in my life, it's that I caused him that kind of pain, and that I gave us the one and only thing we can never talk about.

So, my advice to you, if you really care about your other, talk to her before this becomes an issue. Really decide where you both are emotionally, and where you see yourselves going. And if you can't be honest and open about that type of talk, then maybe that'll give you some answers.

Dont be at yourself

Currently spending a year away from the gf, and I have to say, it has been extremely difficult. Knowing what I know now, I dont think I'd have chosen to stay together. Still, only 4 more weeks to go!

mikeanywhere

I was travelling between UK & Ireland for nearly 4 years before finally getting hitched and I have to say being married is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I have moved to Ireland from the UK, set up shop in Galway and couldnt be happier.

What I am trying to say is that if its what you both want then you will make it work, distance or not!!


Good luck either way