Male with very low sex drive

jj11

I'm in my late 20's and have a very low sex drive for my age. I think it might have something to do with a recurrant erectile dysfuncion that has plagued me since I was a teenager. Ever since I was young I've had problems getting an erection with a woman, even if I found them very attractive and in my mind was very turned on.

I have now been going out with my girlfriend for seven years. While the erection problems marred the first few months of the relationship, they went away soon after and we had a normal sex life for years after. Now things are right back back where they started - whether I'm going to get an erection or not is a lottery and as a result I shy away from any intimacy that might lead to sex.

I went to GP who tested me and told me there's nothing physically wrong with me so it must be psychological. I went once to a sex councellor but I just got disillusioned. My girlfriend and I are best friends and have a great relationship, but this problem is really starting to affect both of us.

Just to point out: I'm definitely not gay and definitely still find my girlfriend attractive (even though she naturally doubts that sometimes). This is a problem I've had with every woman I've been with since young.

Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.

ThrownAway

Maybe try and get a second opinion from a different GP. It might be related to your diet or the amount of sleep/physical activity you're getting. Who knows I doubt anyone can help you here. It could very well be psychological try going to a psychologist if all else fails.

gary the great

Did you get your testosterone levels checked?

YeAh!

Any major changes occur in your life recently? Changing jobs/home etc..?

elivsvonchiaing

It sounds like it could be a psychological problem; to identify this you have
to; erm think/hope y'know It is kinda obvious!

The solution is to confess to your g/f what you had to think about (her?) but be careful...

Epicpriest

This is weird but. Do you watch pr0n? And if so, can you get turned on and fully erect then? If so, then it's Psychological.

jj11

Its definitely psychological alright, and my girlfriend and I talk about it openly - she's great about it but its definitely putting a strain on the relationship.

There hasn't been any major changes in my life or anything, this has been a problem for me for years. Getting my testosterone levels checked is an idea though..

I know this is a fairly complex one that only a psychologist could help me with, but it still feels great to get it off my chest on boards! This is getting me down so much. Sometimes I'm fine and I think everything is back to normal, then I lose my ability again and I get so pissed off.

Vas_Guy

Erectile dysfunction can be the result of physical or psychological causes.

Go back to your doctor and get a penile doppler scan to evaluate the functioning of the arteries and veins responsible for blood flow to and from the penis, in case its a medical condition you have, then you can look at your emotional side.

Dragan

Get your test levels checked dude….to be honest thats probably it.

Not enough guys look after the test to be honest, and then spend decades wondering why they are not as "active" as when they were 18!!!!!

LegacyUser

Dragan wrote:

Get your test levels checked dude….to be honest thats probably it.

Not enough guys look after the test to be honest, and then spend decades wondering why they are not as "active" as when they were 18!!!!!

How exactly can one "look after the test", please enlighten?

Marksie

Every one has given great advice on going to doctors etc.

So I am going to take a different tack.

Dont shy away from physical intimacy. This could reinforce issues for a start.

Keep the intimacy going, just forget about your erection and penetration.
I dont normally tell poeple this but I follow tantric practisces and this is covered.
Try "the multi orgasmic couple" as a starting point, you can get it on amazon.co.uk

You will hopefully find that if you throw out conventional ideas, then you will get more benefit than conventional "sex".
It also covers how to make love when you haev erectile problems.

But I do urge you not to shy away from intimacy... keep that going

Dragan

Curioussdffsd wrote:

How exactly can one "look after the test", please enlighten?

The problem that most men have with test levels is that as they get older they do nothing to support them.....diets these days are pretty bad, even among people who THINK that they are eating healthy.

Two of the most missed minerals in a modern males diet are Zinc and Magnesium.....both of which are vital for test production.

Foods that will increase NATURAL test production i.e just stimulate the body to produce more test are Pumpkin Seed Oil, just use this instead of Olive Oil or whatever else you might cook with.

Saw Palmetto is also a good one and can just be added to your dinners etc that you are making.

You could supplement with ZMA , which is a good support compound, Tribulus Terrestris which is a natural herb that increase test prouction or go for something like Alpha Male by Biotest....which is an anabolic support and pretty much the heaviest hitter out there for increasing your test in a natural, risk free way!!!!

Low test levels in aging men lead to depression, sexual problems and health issues.

Why is it that ladies are great for getting their regular medicals and checks ( most of the girls i know go every 6 months at least ) while most men i know are still ignoring these important things??????

Come on guys, get your full check ups, eat right and look after the family jewels!!!!

Epicpriest

Dragan, can you get pumpkin seed oil and the other one in pill form? Like in tesco or anything?

Dragan

Epicpriest wrote:

Dragan, can you get pumpkin seed oil and the other one in pill form? Like in tesco or anything?

I'm not sure, you can get it in pretty much any health food store though i would think!!!

That stuff is legend man!!!!

abetarrush

Good luck man, jus dont go crazy with these remedies or ye'll be humpin yer girlfriend's leg 24/7!

Evil Phil

You could try eating pumpkin seeds on your museli in the morning.

CarPark

OP, if your GP did not check your Testosterone levels then you cannot put much faith in anything he did.

You need to go to a good GP, and get everything tested. Things that can affect you include testosterone (get FSH and LH tested as well), and also thyroxine levels (also get TSH tested).

DO NOT start supplementing with zinc etc., until you have these results. There are a number of conditions that can underly such problems, and if you have any of these, you need to get them sorted, rather than masking things with supplements.

For example, if someone has a pituitary tumour, it could lead to reduced testosterone, and erectile dysfunction. But more importantly, it could eventually lead to you losing your peripheral vision.

Find a good GP, ask them to do all the biochemical tests, and anything else that can be done. Then make sure to get a copy of all of the results. Don't be afraid to ask for these.

It may turn out to be completely psychological, but it may also turn out that there is something simple that is underlying this problem you have had for your whole life.

Good luck

Deer

Do you smoke dope? Sometimes that can have an effect on the sex drive. One of my ex's had that problem and it was down to that.

milod

If you can sometimes achieve an erection and not other times, it's doubtful whether it's a physical condition - you could try the postage stamp test! i.e; lick and connect a ring of postage stamps around the base of your dick - every guy get's a few stiffys during the night so if the stamps have separated when you wake up - no problem!

Seriously though it sounds like your confidence need a boost - you're now shying away form intimacy JUST IN CASE you might not get an erection.

My advice? get some Viagra - when you know for sure you're going to be erect it will restore your confidence, break the viscious circle, and convince you there's nothing seriously wrong...

Epicpriest

Viagra, helps you KEEP and erection once you get it through natural arousal. It doesn't GIVE you an erection. So in this case, Viagra probably wouldn't work.

milod

Epicpriest wrote:

Viagra, helps you KEEP and erection once you get it through natural arousal. It doesn't GIVE you an erection. So in this case, Viagra probably wouldn't work.

Really?! good research fella! actually Viagra causes a man who is sexually stimulated to get an erection. OP says he's stimulated but just has trouble following with the appropriate erection - QED.

Try reading this:

http://health.howstuffworks.com/viagra.htm

Nevyn

Please note the viagra and other such medications are persciption only and it is an offense to have or take class c drugs if you have not be perscribed them.

UU

I had an experience like that. I couldn't get erections and sexual attractions around females. Then I discovered I could get them when in my late teens (I'm 18 now) around other males......

Well it all seems phycological to me as perhaps you're subconciously insecure in having intercourse? Or maybe you have low testosterone levels? That is a common problem in males especially older men who get terribly fustrated when they start losing their high sex drive.

Try seeking good advice and discuss what your feeling. Porn doesn't always turn people on. Some people are emotionally attracted to others. Most of the time porn is sleezy and disgusting (both gay and straight) and I wonder how anyone would find it attractive. :rolleyes:

CarPark

Having occasional erections does not rule out a physical problem. However, a simple series of blood tests will.

Everyone on this site is an amateur, dispensing opinions.

Go see a professional (GP) who can find out the facts. Physical problems are often more straight-forward to fix, and if you have a physical problem, it needs to be fixed because it could lead to wider problems in the future.

Find a good GP, preferably male.
If you are in cork, pm me and i can give you the name of a very good GP.

destinationice

Viagra will work, I guarantee it. The only drawback is the cost and the fact that you have to take it about an hour before you need it, therefore it's often the case that you need to plan your sexual activities beforehand. Another downside is that once you take it once you become dependant upon it and will probably struggle to have sex without it. I have never been able to sustain an erection for longer than a minute without Viagra, it has genuinely changed my life and without it I'd definitley still be single.

jj11

If you can sometimes achieve an erection and not other times, it's doubtful whether it's a physical condition - you could try the postage stamp test! i.e; lick and connect a ring of postage stamps around the base of your dick - every guy get's a few stiffys during the night so if the stamps have separated when you wake up - no problem!

Seriously though it sounds like your confidence need a boost - you're now shying away form intimacy JUST IN CASE you might not get an erection.

My advice? get some Viagra - when you know for sure you're going to be erect it will restore your confidence, break the viscious circle, and convince you there's nothing seriously wrong...

You're dead right about restoring my confidence - it has basically gone altogether now. I have tried Viagra before and it worked once really well, but not so well the other times and I put that down to drunkenness and tiredness; having to wait an hour and a half before things happen really has its downsides! Also, the girlfriend felt a bit strange that I had to take a pill before I could have sex with her, although on the whole she's being great about this.

Thanks for all the advice - since I first posted I have gone to see a doctor/therapist who has suggested just leaving out the intercourse aspect for a couple of weeks and just concentrate on the intimacy of the relationship. No matter what happens 'downstairs' when we're together sex is forbidden - the idea behind it is it takes the pressure off getting an erection and puts the focus where it should be. He thinks its definitely psychological so at least that rules that out.

I'm going to give it a go and see what happens, I'll try anything at this stage. I still feel so bloody cheated out of a decent sex life though - it frustrates me to see men who have no problem getting a hard on having sex with loads of random women they don't know, when all I want to do is to have sex with my long-term girlfriend yet have these problems. Ah well, onwards and (hopefully) upwards!

patch

Munch some brazil nuts. They can have a good effect.
Have a look here:

http://www.menshealthsa.co.za/index.php?cat=19&art_id=1445