limiting teenagers internet access.

Anti

I have been forwarded here for better adivce. So i help you sensible people can help:



Hi lads.

Just a quick question.

My Girlfriends daughter is spending alot of time online atm. About 5 hours a day online, mostly on msn, as she is pretty clueless about computers. And since it is the holidays now and its not a good idea for her to be online while myself and herself are at work all day. I'm wondering if there is a way to limit the ammount of time she spends online. Say 2 hours a day max. I already know how to block certain websites, such as bebo and myspace.

But is it at possible to limit the access, I've had some ( but little ) experience with Inet cafe software, so i'd rather not go down that route. Is there some other program(s) that can do this. I have not looked into things such as netnanny and the likes, as the less spyware the better.

I suppose i should tell you the type of connection she is on:

In the house, we have the ntl modem and netgear wireless router upstairs, which is connected directly to the pc in the my girlfriends daughters room ( due to lack of space, as extension is being done ) I myself connect my laptop wirelessly.

Any help on this would be greatly apprectiated

Peteer

Hi,

I don't have the solution but one idea springs to mind. There must be software that will allow you decide the times that access is allowed. E.G. 10am to 12pm only or whatever time you decide is best. I've seen this as part of a firewall set up in the past. You should be able to link this to the PC itself to even restrict evening/night time access to without hampering your own access.

Just an idea!

Peter

paconnors

try this piece of software i have used it before

luckat

What's a kid doing home alone for all that time, by the way? She might be online because she's lonely. Could you fix her up with craft camps and computer camp and sports camp and trips to the Gaeltacht and so on?

Anti

luckat wrote:

What's a kid doing home alone for all that time, by the way? She might be online because she's lonely. Could you fix her up with craft camps and computer camp and sports camp and trips to the Gaeltacht and so on?

Both of us hold down full time jobs, and she is on her summer holiday, and is almost 14, so she is able to manage the day by herself, she does some washing up, laundry, and makes her little sister dinner. Its just a little issue now because she is lying about when shes on it, and gets up in the middle of th night to go on it.

Had that idea peter, but could not find any software, but thanks for the reply.

cheers for that link paconnors. much obliged

lostexpectation

part of the solution is the move the internet access down stairs ....

Anti

i dont fancy running cat5 all down stairs. And the reason the modem/router was set up in her room, was because she had the only ntl point that got a full signal. Its all sorted now thanks to the software paconnors suggested.

Shabadu

anti wrote:

Both of us hold down full time jobs, and she is on her summer holiday, and is almost 14, so she is able to manage the day by herself, she does some washing up, laundry, and makes her little sister dinner. Its just a little issue now because she is lying about when shes on it, and gets up in the middle of th night to go on it.

Had that idea peter, but could not find any software, but thanks for the reply.

cheers for that link paconnors. much obliged

Do you really think that's a great way for a 14 yr old to spend their summer? I was my parents maid for years, and frankly, I resent it quite a bit. She should be doing things, maybe a part-time job, or summer camps. A lot of day camps are very reasonable, or even free. Do you really expect her to look after her sister and do the cleaning every day and that's it? That just strikes me as miserable and mean.

Rev Hellfire

Moving the computer is simple enough if you can get a wireless router.

The next step is limiting the access for which there are a few possible options. Software is one and if you go this route then many you should also take a look at peacefire so you can see what the enemy is up to
A better route is to get a hardware based one. For example the router I use can be set up to restrict access at particular times (ie. when you're away and at night). It has the advantage that its no so easy to get around.

fyi: I'm using a linksys router(wireless) but I'm sure others offer similar options.

frobisher

Shabadu wrote:

Do you really think that's a great way for a 14 yr old to spend their summer? I was my parents maid for years, and frankly, I resent it quite a bit. She should be doing things, maybe a part-time job, or summer camps. A lot of day camps are very reasonable, or even free. Do you really expect her to look after her sister and do the cleaning every day and that's it? That just strikes me as miserable and mean.

Ouch!

luckat

Still, she sounds lonely. It's possible to fall into neglecting a child without realising it. They seem so grownup in their teens, but they're not, really.

You seem a bit worried about the amount of time she's spending online, and I would be too. For a start, you don't know who she might meet there - plenty of very creepy adults are hanging around waiting to find vulnerable and lonely girls.

But also, this is the age when she should be building her personality by facing some limited challenges in the real world, under guidance, and with help.

Anti, I'd really look into the question of summer courses where the kid can be out with friends of her own age. It might cost a bit, but the kid's worth the money.

Anti

Thank you all for your comments, eben though i thought you were a pit harsh shabadu. but you were right in what you say. But the cleaning she does is only simple things, wash a few dishes hang out some washing do a small bit of cooking, and she is getting paid for it and well paid. Taking a part time job would mean a huge drop in wages. And with the price of mortage and the interesat going up another full 1% which equates to another 120 a month for us to pay. Part time is not a option. Im not to worried who she meets online as she is extremely computer illiterate, And we keep all the logs from msn/yahoo , which her friends are on, i have certain sites like bebo and myspace blocked. The main concern is i dont want her to lock herself away in her room for her teenage years. She is already fairly shy and we would not like it to develop any more. At the moment we are looking at summer camps which are rather expensive down here, 400 a month, But she is adamant she will not go to it.

thanks again

Kernel32

I have a netgear wireless router and through the admin console I can do blocking and scheduling from there. You simply set it up to block all sites and then put it on a schedule. It's done at the router level which makes it more difficult to get around.

CrazySka

Kernel32 s solution is imo the best so far if your router will let you do it.

Perhaps use your wireless connection to connect to your router before you go to work and change the tcp/ip settings to something unuseable, when you return or want to allow her access simply change the settings back again. (make a note of them obviously) fairly simple but it does give direct control to you. Plus its free and easy to do.
If shes computer illiterate as you say she wont have a clue what your doing.

Shabadu

anti wrote:

Thank you all for your comments, eben though i thought you were a pit harsh shabadu. but you were right in what you say. But the cleaning she does is only simple things, wash a few dishes hang out some washing do a small bit of cooking, and she is getting paid for it and well paid. Taking a part time job would mean a huge drop in wages. And with the price of mortage and the interesat going up another full 1% which equates to another 120 a month for us to pay. Part time is not a option. Im not to worried who she meets online as she is extremely computer illiterate, And we keep all the logs from msn/yahoo , which her friends are on, i have certain sites like bebo and myspace blocked. The main concern is i dont want her to lock herself away in her room for her teenage years. She is already fairly shy and we would not like it to develop any more. At the moment we are looking at summer camps which are rather expensive down here, 400 a month, But she is adamant she will not go to it.

thanks again

€400 euros for summer camp? o_O That's bonkers.

Sorry I came off a little harsh.

Nevyn

The costs of insurance for summer camps has driven the costs up quiet considerible and they are no considered a form of childcare so you can imagine
that has had something to do with it.

Anti

i have now installed pctime maganer, its working great, it gives her 2 hours of access a day, if she uses it up in the morning tough luck. She cant access anything. Thanks for the help lads

Blush_01

To be honest, there's something else you might want to look into. If she's getting up in the middle of the night to go online (possibly because she has american friends) and is also using the net for a considerable amount of time during the day, she's probably addicted. I know I'm mildly addicted to the internet, but when I was in secondary school, particularly when I felt under stress, I'd go online. We had dial-up and I spent hours (and an absolute fortune) online. I'd get up in the middle of the night or go online the second I came home from babysitting at weekends when I knew my parents were asleep. If I couldn't sleep I'd go online, so plenty of times I'd have very little sleep and be completely out of it in school the next day.

If you're not careful, she could be headed the same way. I'm not trying to scaremonger, but you need to be aware of the fact that internet addiction is increasingly becoming a problem with kids having more access for longer periods at a younger age these days. Maybe diverting her towards something else (even reading, although that's also pretty solitary) would be better and easier than trying to figure out how to find €400for a summer camp she'll probably hate because she was forced into it.

Peteer

I note you have solved the access and allowed 2hrs a day. How did that go down and is she managing to get the best use of it?

Cheers,
Peter

RainyDay

I don't think any 14 year old should be left alone unsupervised during working hours. According to this Govt publication for asylum seekers, it is illegal.

You should never leave your children unsupervised. It is against the law to leave children younger than 16 years of age at home alone and if you are reported it will be considered to be neglect and can have grave consequences.

Internet use could be the least of your problems (and I'm not just referring to the legal consequences).

luckat

Summer camp sounds perfect - especially if she can go with a local friend so she's not too lonely at first. €400 a month isn't that much when you consider it's only for the couple of months of summer, and what you're buying for it - confidence that the kid is safe and well minded and with friends her own age, and the knowledge that she's learning and maturing with her peers, under supervision.

Anti

Yeah we have looked into her going to a summer camp. We have found a nice one for 700€ a month. Few shifts of Overtime and thats sorted.

Peteer wrote:

I note you have solved the access and allowed 2hrs a day. How did that go down and is she managing to get the best use of it?

Cheers,
Peter

She was rather pissed of for a while, but we sat her down and explained why, and all seems okay now. Thanks for all the info and help ppl

luckat

Oh, well done!

nesf

Blush_01 wrote:

To be honest, there's something else you might want to look into. If she's getting up in the middle of the night to go online (possibly because she has american friends) and is also using the net for a considerable amount of time during the day, she's probably addicted. I know I'm mildly addicted to the internet, but when I was in secondary school, particularly when I felt under stress, I'd go online. We had dial-up and I spent hours (and an absolute fortune) online. I'd get up in the middle of the night or go online the second I came home from babysitting at weekends when I knew my parents were asleep. If I couldn't sleep I'd go online, so plenty of times I'd have very little sleep and be completely out of it in school the next day.

If you're not careful, she could be headed the same way. I'm not trying to scaremonger, but you need to be aware of the fact that internet addiction is increasingly becoming a problem with kids having more access for longer periods at a younger age these days. Maybe diverting her towards something else (even reading, although that's also pretty solitary) would be better and easier than trying to figure out how to find €400for a summer camp she'll probably hate because she was forced into it.

I'd argue that all this scaremongering over internet addiction nowadays has drawn people away from noticing the silly amount of time kids spend in front of TVs/consoles/etc. Kids tend to have a lot of free time and will tend to get absorbed easily. Calling it an addiction is pushing it a little far tbh. 5 hours a day for someone on holidays is nothing imho. They could spend twice that in front of a TV and most people wouldn't comment. I find it all so amusing tbh.

Nevyn

There is a slight differecnce between being at a pc/console/tv and being on the interweb Nesf.

Stompbox

Ok,perhaps I can offer a different perspective seen as I am 15 years of age.I agree with some of the aforementioned points,the things I enjoy most are goin' out to discos,cinema etc. with friends but I would draw the line before Summer Camp.I would recommend a Gaeltacht(craic to be had there is 90!) but if my parents ever suggested the notion of Summer Camp,they'd meet the back of my hand.Although they are great in theory,I stopped attending camps as soon as I left 6th class,they won't help,I assure you.

I live in a rural area so my best means of maintaining my relationships are over MSN,a haven of enlightenment compared to texting and whatnot.However,I do feel that restricting internet access to sites such as Bebo and Myspace is unfair and deprives your child of maintaining social status and therefore increases her 'loneliness' and 'shyness' which leads to isolation among people her own age.This is the way friendships are evolving and unless you allow your child to keep up she may lose out.

Nesf seems to be the only adult here possessing a broader outlook on the issue.After all,the internet is a great method of keeping in touch with friends over the summer and it's far better than squandering hours in front of the TV or on a games console(which I believe are the bane of society).

So what I'd recommend is Irish College,the best place to make new friends and have unbelievable craic,it's the only way to go.

PS:This whole rigmarole of 'paedophiles are everywhere' is complete crap.MSN can almost assure 100% protection against the 'masses' of paedophiles

Kernel32

What ever happened to summer jobs? From the age of 12 I spent my summers working 40 to 50 hours a week. As did most everyone I knew. I know with child labour laws these days you can't do that anymore. But still a job is great way to get out and meet people. I was a fairly shy kid myself and the best thing I ever did was get a job, make my own money and deal with people.

po0k

[Posted For Goodness++]
www.smoothwall.com
http://community.smoothwall.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2873

Those links plus a Pentium133Mhz+, 128meg ram with some network cards will give you a really really good router. The more hardware grunt and memory you can throw at it, the better.

Nevyn

Cheers for that Syxpak.

Yes I do think that the internet and the ways that you can connect and keep in contact are wonderful but parents are responsible to supervise thier offspring.
Personal when mine are older it will be a combination of limited time,
restircting certains sites and logging where they have been to keep an eye and talk to them about what they have discovered.

http://www.comhairle.ie/publications/entitlements/publications_entitlements_employmentrights_17children_young.html

Kildrought

Rainyday, I'm quite stunned at the leaflet you posted - it is completely inaccurate in regards to children being left alone - there is currently no legal age in this country at which a child can be left alone.

It is the case however that if a minor (<18 yrs) is left alone and comes to harm, the parents can be charged with neglect; but that does not mean that it is 'against the law' to leave a child alone under the age of 16. There is no such law.

And I have now emailed the Agency responsible for this publication to that effect.

RainyDay

I'm quite stunned that anyone would think about leaving a 14-year-old at home all day for a summer. In relation to the leaflet, note that it doesn't explicitly say that it is OK to leave any child alone. It says that it is illegal to leave anyone under 16 alone. It doesn't say anything about the status for 17-year-olds. I'm not trying to argue with you - just to help prepare you for yoru email battle.

luckat

May I suggest that people ease up on the judgmental-ness? When someone comes honestly asking for help, it's not the time to leap up on our soapboxes, really. The OP has now found a summer camp, anyway.

RainyDay

The OP came looking for help on Internet access, which is not the real issue here.

Kildrought

I'm not judging anyone - what I'm concerned about is the statement (in a leaflet published by the Dept. of Justice etc.,) that it is "against the law" to leave a child under 16 alone.

This is incorrect - there is no such law.

Kildrought

I rec'd a letter today from the agency responsible for the booklet which was quoted in an earlier post by RainyDay and which stated that it was "against the law" to leave a child under 16 unattended...they have confirmed that their information in this regard is incorrect and the booklet has been amended to reflect the correct position.

Blush_01

Sorry if this is off topic. Nesf, would you not agree that getting up in the middle of the night solely to use the internet implies a level of addiction? If a child was to get up to watch tv or play a video game etc. in the middle of the night, I'd also consider them addicted. Looking at what the OP said, I don't think the idea that the girl in question might be addicted to the internet is scaremongering.

OP - congrats on getting it all relatively sorted out!

RainyDay

Kildrought wrote:

I rec'd a letter today from the agency responsible for the booklet which was quoted in an earlier post by RainyDay and which stated that it was "against the law" to leave a child under 16 unattended...they have confirmed that their information in this regard is incorrect and the booklet has been amended to reflect the correct position.

Seems strange that they would leave the old, incorrect version still up on their website if a new version is available?

sudzs

anti wrote:

Both of us hold down full time jobs, and she is on her summer holiday, and is almost 14, so she is able to manage the day by herself, she does some washing up, laundry, and makes her little sister dinner. Its just a little issue now because she is lying about when shes on it, and gets up in the middle of th night to go on it.

Had that idea peter, but could not find any software, but thanks for the reply.

cheers for that link paconnors. much obliged

She's home alone all day AND minding a little sister????

Get an Au-pair!

Kildrought

Rainyday, Are you querying my post or the lack of efficiency of some Govt. Agencies?

Blush_01

Kildrought wrote:

Rainyday, Are you querying my post or the lack of efficiency of some Govt. Agencies?

Could yourself and Rainy Day either start a new topic, or do this through PMs, please? It's like people arguing around you in a pub - unpleasant and unnecessary.

Off topic, but is it not the norm for teenagers to do loads of housework in the holidays WITHOUT getting paid? I could never find a job so from the ages 12-18 was home every summer and my parents expected me to clean all the bathrooms, kitchen, hang out washing, ironing etc. I did the whole family's ironing when I was 12. My mum kept saying she wasn't doing it all after work when I was home all day long, and I couldn't really argue although I did feel pretty used and maid like. She always said I was spoiled rotten and everyone else's kids did way more. While I don't believe that, I thought chores were normal. I certainly wouldnt expect to be paid for hanging out a bit of washing and making my sibling's dinner, sure I'm part of the family as well?

Shocked at the people thinking it's unreasonable to leave a 14 year old as well; I was left since I turned 13 with my younger siblings, what's wrong with that? We had an au pair after the summer of my first year of secondary school and I felt totally babied, all my friends were left alone. Sure, plenty of girls of 14 are BEING the childminders for other people's kids.

Kildrought

I don't recall arguing with anyone? I asked a question in regards to a post as I am not sure of the point being made - seems quite reasonable to me; will be pleased to get a reply when RainyDay gets the opportunity.