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Waking

homah_7ft · 2006-06-24 13:47:37

To draw the cold near like the cushioned coffin, a lost comfort, To draw the air inside, a found peace, To see a dreamt lifetime, a surprise, To see a beginning, a heartbeat, To see the beginning, an end.

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24-06-2006 2:47pm

#1

homah_7ft

Registered Users Posts: 6,121 ✭✭✭

Join Date: September 2003

Posts: 6028

To draw the cold near like the cushioned coffin,
a lost comfort,
To draw the air inside,
a found peace,
To see a dreamt lifetime,
a surprise,
To see a beginning,
a heartbeat,
To see the beginning,
an end.

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Comments

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#2 25-06-2006 9:58pm
Matt Holck

Registered Users Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2006

Posts: 9654

I like the cohession of the format

to ....
an object

the last couplet seems like a hasty finish
I do that all the time

I want the beat to race on

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#3 26-06-2006 1:06pm
homah_7ft

Registered Users Posts: 6,121 ✭✭✭

Join Date: September 2003

Posts: 6028

Thanks for the feedback Matt . I appreciate it. I wanted to leave it with an abrupt ending. It felt right to me.

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