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Waking

homah_7ft · 2006-06-24 13:47:37

To draw the cold near like the cushioned coffin, a lost comfort, To draw the air inside, a found peace, To see a dreamt lifetime, a surprise, To see a beginning, a heartbeat, To see the beginning, an end.

24-06-2006 1:47pm

#1

homah_7ft

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,126 ✭✭✭

Join Date: September 2003

Posts: 6033

To draw the cold near like the cushioned coffin,
a lost comfort,
To draw the air inside,
a found peace,
To see a dreamt lifetime,
a surprise,
To see a beginning,
a heartbeat,
To see the beginning,
an end.

0

Comments

#2 25-06-2006 8:58pm

Matt Holck

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2006

Posts: 9654

I like the cohession of the format

to ....
an object

the last couplet seems like a hasty finish
I do that all the time

I want the beat to race on

0
#3 26-06-2006 12:06pm

homah_7ft

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,126 ✭✭✭

Join Date: September 2003

Posts: 6033

Thanks for the feedback Matt . I appreciate it. I wanted to leave it with an abrupt ending. It felt right to me.

0