Eating Disorders

michelle_ie

Hey everyone, i was just wondering does anyone here suffer or have previously suffered with an eating disorder?
I have had an eatin disorder since november 2004 and it got really bad last year with me dropping from 12 stone to just 8 stone. I went to a number of people and im on the waiting list for st pats but i started getting over it in november 05..... i was diagosed as havin anorexia with purging inwhiche basically everythin other than porridge i threw up...
I had to repeat my leaving cert this year and i kind of got ok for a few months ,it never really went away but now i notice that because the leavin is over i have no focus anymore and im startin to just become so unbeliavable conscious of myself. i have no confidence whatsoever and i cringe when i see pictures of myself. Its startin to affect my relationship with my boyfriend aswell because i dont no im startin to pull away from him and i take note of all the horrible things he does instead of the good things in our relationship. Truth is that he helped me so much this year and i hate the fact that i think he is too good for me. I dont want to spiral out of control during the summer. initally i confided in a teacher then a doctor and both of them i dont see now and to be honest payin 200 euro to see a specilist for like 20 minutes isnt exactly ethical for me.
Im not cryin out for help in this message but what i am askin is just for some encouragement, i feel so alone and dont want to talk to my friends and family because they think im doing so well. i also dont want to push my boyfriend so far away....... the summer months are actually dreading to me and i hate even going out at night because everyone is so perfect in their little outfits and i feel like crap but noone knows this is why i hate going out!
My weight is going up again and im afraid to weigh myself, i want to go to the gym but i get so addicted to it and i dont want to put my body through what it went through last year as of now i have terrible acid reflux ( which doesnt help the temptation to get sick), my liver enlarges, im anaemic and my kidneys are a little damaged...
so any words of advice atall will help.
thanks

delly

I'm sorry but there is no real advice that anybody hear can offer you. You have a medical condition which needs to be sorted by doctors and/or specialists. I know what you say about money, but to get yourself sorted for the future you are going to have to make that call and admit to yourself that its the only way.

Santa Claus

You should think about seeing a counsellor / therapist ! It should be approx 50-60 € for an hour which is better than your specialist.

[EDIT]
Perhaps check out www.bodywhys.ie , they also have a helpline number you can call and speak to someone with an understanding of your worries. Their number is 1890 200 444.

Odysseus

bodywhys is a great suggestion. I'm not sure if its free but the do offer group and individual support, and I think the group is free. St Vincents Hosp has an eating disorder unit there is second to none, but I'm not sure if its only private, but worth checking out with your GP, while there you could also ask for a refferal to the HSE Psychology Services. Finally, the New Day counselling Sevice you will get it in the phone book, offer a sliding scale service, so you would only pay a mininal amount. Hope this helps.

Joseph

One word my friend: "Marina" Dont know if thats spelt right.. But anyways thats a brilliant place!

LegacyUser

delly wrote:

I'm sorry but there is no real advice that anybody hear can offer you. You have a medical condition which needs to be sorted by doctors and/or specialists. I know what you say about money, but to get yourself sorted for the future you are going to have to make that call and admit to yourself that its the only way.

The OP is not asking for medical advice.. Just understanding

OP.. I feel for you. Never feel alone tho. There are more people than you know suffer bad body image. This is a serious illness. Never for one second doubt that. I suffered and still do. I just learned to deal with the negitive thoughts. I have been to a few counsellers. It can be costly but you can claim back. What also helped me was the group sessions. You can attend with a small nonination of cash. What ever you can afford. See the bodywyse site. Its comfort to hear that other people think the same and your not alone. Things dont go away BUT.... They do get easier. Small steps first. You have sone the hardst thing and thats to admit you have a problem... Congrats... Next is to decide that you are just as worthy as anyone else to live a normal happy life.. Your body is simply a shell to carry your round.. Its your mind and your heart that make you truly beautiful... Corney I know but its true. Positive affirmations work too.. They sound RIDICULOUS and you feel like a PLONK but the more you say things the more you believe them... seriously.. think of how you got to the point you are now in your ilness... you keep telliing yourself your fat .. you start believing it.. Control your thoughts.... Your in charge of your mind not the other way around... Try some of these.. BUT... This does not go away by dealing with it alone.. Talkin it out always helps.. Even if it hear.. but you need to have support.. Remember why your b friend and family love you... And listen to it.. Your b friend needs to vent too.. its hard on him but he lobviously loves u to be still supporting you.. That what love is... Let him know you understand what he is going through and your getting better for you AND him..
Good luck

Wishbone Ash

Deaddude wrote:

One word my friend: "Marina" Dont know if thats spelt right.. But anyways thats a brilliant place!

Marino

Shellie13

michelle_ie wrote:

Its startin to affect my relationship with my boyfriend aswell because i dont no im startin to pull away from him and i take note of all the horrible things he does instead of the good things in our relationship. Truth is that he helped me so much this year and i hate the fact that i think he is too good for me. I dont want to spiral out of control during the summer. .

i also dont want to push my boyfriend so far away....... the summer months are actually dreading to me and i hate even going out at night because everyone is so perfect in their little outfits and i feel like crap but noone knows this is why i hate going out!
thanks

Your boyfriend obviously cares about you alot- people who stick by you through crap like this are the ones ya can depend on... Was in a similar situation to his a while ago and was only afterwards i found out how the other person was feeling- just explain to him if you seem like you're pushing him away its not intentional-he should understand!

Summer seems like a big deal have you considered part-time work and/or some type of course?! It could keep you busy, the pressure is off reguarding socailisng yet you'll still be interacting with people!

And this may or may not be helpful but its rare to find a girl secure with how she looks! Whan you go out everyones usually so worried bout themselfs to notice how yoiu look/think you look...And too drunk to care!

Good luck beating this anyway...do try bodywhys like others suggested- they're qualified to help you!

Joseph

Wishbone Ash wrote:

Marino

Why thank you.

Santa Claus

Wishbone Ash wrote:

Marino

What's the significance of Marino ??

meow

Hey Michelle

I'vehad an eating disorder going on 12 yrs now- I know where you're coming from.

I was in St. Vincents for some time last summer and I have to say the staff are fantastic up there, really caring and supportive. You need to get your GP to make a referal. There are only 3 public beds up there and potentially long waiting list but you've got to start somewhere. Be warned though, if you don't do the work or make the effort up there, they will discharge you. Beds are too few to waste on people who don't want the help.
In the meantime you can be seen as an out patient. They run a group up there on Wednesdays I think, its a closed group and you definately need to be refered to it by your dr up there. I can't comment on it because groups don't work well for me but some find them invaluable.

I'm glad you've managed to confide in people, have you admitted it to yourself yet? Do you want to recover? Thats the major question, its tough really tough but because you've not had it very long, you're chances of recovery go way up. (people who seek treatment in the first 5 years of developing the disorder are more likely to recover).

Can I suggest you throw out your scales? Seriously, what you don't know can't hurt you. I'm terrified of scales now because of the power the number holds over me. Its only when numbers are taken out of the equation that you truely realise what the issues are behind your disorder.

You need to get yourself a counsellor ASAP. Counselling is the main treatment of eating disorders, your GP can help there with reccommendations.

i am askin is just for some encouragement, i feel so alone and dont want to talk to my friends and family because they think im doing so well.

try http://www.somethingfishy.org

its a supportive community for people with eating disorders and related issues. The forums are a great place to get advise and feel like people really understand where you're coming from. I'm there under the same user name and if you wish you can email me via that site.

But in the meantime, I can't urge you strongly enough to get the help you so need and deserve. This is not a life, and believe me I can tell you after all this time living with it, its really not worth the pain.

take care:)

Eeyoer

i also go to marino, have been in alot of hospitals and units in ireland and uk but marino therapy centre definately best place i have been.