a story

300lenouveau666

It was cold. not only the day, but the atmosphere in the rank van as it drove me to the house. i'd heard about the place from my mother, the great house of the Warren brothers. I was expected to work there, despite the rumours of the Brothers being infidels. It was said that they had spoken in Church many years ago, and they hadn't been to church since. I don't know what they had done but i was sure it was something terrible. It was only spoken of in hushed voices, when the Jack Daniels had been flowing freely. my Father would say "you are not to go near them, they defied the High Priest. The High Priest is absolute, and if you know whats good for you, when he's around you'll keep your head down and act unimportant". That was my fathers way, be insignificant and you'll be ignored. I didn't want to be ignored, and I was sick of low paid jobs. the brothers were rich, and because of their crimes they were despised, nobody would work for them. You could name your price. So I had decided to work for them. My family had practically disowned me and nobody would go near me any more. I was an outcast. Only my brother now had any time for me. I was utterly alone. For the first time, I knew what it was like to be hated, and it was terrible...

TommyGrav

Good

There's just not really enough to go on for me. What's there is promising enough, but you;ve really only introduced the very basic elements of the story. You may be trying to be enigmatic, but you need to give us something to make us curious about these characters in the first place.

I'd love to read more though.

Torak

Good

It sounds like there is a story..

My only problem is that the english is a little colloquial for my personal taste. I imagine that others would agree but perhaps not.

I hope that you can flesh it out and enoy the process.

Matt Holck

Hate is not such an easy ting to detect often sealed in silence on the streets. A person pasing you ignores you more than they would a stranger. You can almost ignore it until your wasted words whip round into your face, and you wish you didn't exist because that would make more sence than this silence.

JumpJump

what?

Matt Holck

I'm just throwing ideas back
I thought they might help continue the story

BossArky

Brilliant, scintillating and the most engaging thing you've read to date.

I like it. Constructive critisism: You need to work on your grammar.