Boyfriend owes me money

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of 6 months was unemployed for a while during the year. He was working in a job for a few years, but got let go. Then about 3 weeks later he got another job, but sadly they let him go too.

He is now working in another job, which seems more stable and there seems to be plenty of work around. He is working a lot of over time too.

When he was unemployed he ran into financial difficulty. He basically didn’t have enough during those two periods of unemployment to cover his rent. He asked me to help him, and I did. Eventually amounting to around €500 (2 months rent, plus electricity-things like that). He had been living very modestly during this time.

So, yes I gave him the money, trying to be a supportive girlfriend. Its been about 2 months ago now since I first loaned him money. I never ever asked him for any of it, I was thinking, if he is worth his weight, he will give it to me with out asking. 2 weeks ago he gave me €100 as part pay back, but there has been nothing since. I don’t know what to say to him, Im starting to resent giving him the money. For example, last weekend, he went on the booze with his mates. Costs enough to do that. I understand he needs his fun, but surely paying back what you owe is more important?

Tomorrow is pay day, and I am anxious as hell. What do I do or say? I feel a bit used, but that could be an over reaction. Is there any solution for the best? Is there anything I can do. Any subtle hints or a good way to discuss this without coming across too harsh?

Beruthiel

very simple
call him today, tell him you have some bills to pay and you need that money asap as you had put it aside to pay them

Kastro

Beruthiel wrote:

very simple
call him today, tell him you have some bills to pay and you need that money asap as you had put it aside to pay them

good plan batman!

quad_red

Agree 100% with Beruthiel.

He doesn't have a choice in this matter. Tell him to put the money into your account now cos you need it for bills. If you act upset/embarassed it'll make it an issue.

Which it isn't. You're telling him where to put the money that he owes you.

Don't let this run on.

Surrender

You have every right to ask him for it, like you said if he's worth the weight......

fuzzywiggle

You just have to be straight out with it. Tell him it's for bills or something else that you may need the money for. Don't let it continue for longer.. especially with pay day and all, he has no excuse! Good luck!

noeleenred

Just tell me that you want the money that he owes you, he's your boyfriend and you should have good communication. I dont see the point of saying you need it for bills. He probably doesn't see it as a big deal and doesnt think its affecting you as much as it is because you havent mentioned it to him before.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

The thing is that, for that past few years I have been scrimping and saving (about 20k at this stage) and he know this. I earn a basic income, but I save very hard. So, he knows that I have money. So don’t know if the “need money for bills” would be effective.

At the end of the day, it is my money. I do like him a lot. So I don’t want to offend him in anyway. I just want to get a message across subtly.

EWheelChair

Next time you're giving him head and hes about to show you the man goo, stop, stand up and say "where's my money bitch?"

Sandie-B

DebtCollector wrote:

At the end of the day, it is my money. I do like him a lot. So I don’t want to offend him in anyway. I just want to get a message across subtly.

Ur right, it is your money, so you are perfectly entitled to ask for it back (irregardless of how much you may or may not have, and the other money is ur savings so u shouldn't be using it to pay bills and therefore you do need the money he owes you)

You may like him a lot but if you let this go on u'll hate him.(and if he liked you the way he should he'd have made sure that this situation didn't arise)

If he gets offended by being asked for money he owes then he shouldn't have borrowed in the first place.

And subtlety doesn't work with blokes!!! Seriously, you gotta just come out and say it, that way there is no confusion or question about what you are getting at!!

Blub2k4

DebtCollector wrote:

Eventually amounting to around €500 (2 months rent, plus electricity-things like that).

If you have an exact figure stop being childish and dancing around the issue, give him a figure adjusted for the amount he has already paid and tell him when you want it back.

If you dont know the exact amount then you made a mistake in not recording it and also a further mistake in not setting a time frame. Do both now or live with it, cos setting him up for a fall because "if he is worth his weight", stop playing games and give him a figure, it's very simple.

If you loan him money in the future then set a time frame, anything else is asking for trouble, no matter who it's with.

bennyc

DebtCollector wrote:

Thanks for the replies.

The thing is that, for that past few years I have been scrimping and saving (about 20k at this stage) and he know this. I earn a basic income, but I save very hard. So, he knows that I have money. So don’t know if the “need money for bills” would be effective.

At the end of the day, it is my money. I do like him a lot. So I don’t want to offend him in anyway. I just want to get a message across subtly.

Continue with the "need to pay the bills plan" as the other money is your savings and in a seperate account of which you dont have easy access to no cards etc.

Gilgamesh

kind of agree with Blub and Ruthie.
plus imho, I would knock his block off, if he thinks I should go into my life savings to pay bills instead of him paying the money back, if he does say that, I think you should seriously reconsider your relationship.

ffs, he's you boyfriend and he should understand that you want/need the money back without a question, and if he can't pay it all up straight away, then setup up a timeframe like Blub2k4 said for when it has to be paid back by

Owen

EWheelChair wrote:

Next time you're giving him head and hes about to show you the man goo, stop, stand up and say "where's my money bitch?"

Thank you, thank you. I laughed so hard, there's coffee all over my monitor now.

LegacyUser

Hahahaha. That was very funny. Either that or bite it off!

Seriously though, it is definately going to have to be said, tomorrow, if I dont see any money voluntarily. I was delighted when he gave the first 100, but waiting for the rest is just taking too long. Was just wondering, If there was any good way to put this to him, without him getting defensive.

Victor

[mod voice] Cop on folks.

Marksie

Dont even mention bills.
just say you need the money.

I loaned someone 5K to enable them to secure a house and they paid back within 3 months. ( did know and trust em though..so deont everyone start asking lol)

He is your boyfriend though and should pay it back.

Failing that.. "judge judy" is always useful for tips on how to get it back... i.e the small claims court

RAIN

Just say you want to open a ''holiday saving acc '' and that you would like to use the money he owes you to open it ..this will put the rush under him because its for both of ye AND you can keep at him for it cus you wna open the acc ..that way it wont look like your nagging for the money you just wna start the acc !! He knows you have 20 grand so he knows you dont need it asap , alot of my mates and myself borrow money to each other and its the same thing if we dont need it straight away ..its a guy thing he obiously thought thinks of you as one of the lads ........is this somthing you want as a quality in our boyfriend ?

BeardyGit

Hope I'm not too late, just a couple of points (as usual! )

Bear in mind he probably owes family and friends a few quid too over this period. You mentioned he was living frugally during this time but even then day to day costs can add up over a couple of months. Someone who hasn't covered themself for a few months bills and rent would likely not have much set aside for anything at all when it comes down to it.

Like everyone else has said, you're right to ask for it if you want it. For me, I wouldn't 'expect' it to be paid back by a girlfriend who got caught out with bad luck on the job front. If I saw that they were taking care of business including making provisions for such an occurance in the future, that would be enough for me to write off the 'debt'. No, I've not forgotten the pints with his mates. I've been broke, several times. But good friends will never see you sitting at home for want of a few beers and a kebab - Take it from me that if they're lads he's known for years, they could very well (or one of them anyway) have funded the night out to cheer him up while he gets the money matters in order.

If this is something that poses a threat to your relationship, deal with it now - But remember that you can't enforce ground rules retrospectively. If you had told him you wanted it paid back in a presribed timeframe or at a certain amount per pay cheque, then you'd be right to turn the thumb-screws. But right now all you can do is hope he's a decent bloke (should be) who's down on his luck but will come good if you can both agree on a way he's to pay you back.

Oh yeah, if it turns out he's a waster, let loose on him with whatever you have. But give him a bit of room to breathe if you can spare the time - It's tough trying to keep everyone happy when you're getting over a spot of bother with personal finances....

अधिनायक

You did not agree a timeframe for repayment. This was your fault.

Now you can agree a timeframe for repayment. As you are not short of savings, you can agree 100 or even 50 a month by standing order so he can sign it and forget it.

When you are speaking to him don't try making out that your are disappointed that you have not been repaid yet because you made the mistake of failing to specify the terms. Imagine a bank dumb enough to extend you a loan without repayment terms. You are asking something from him rather than demanding.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

He didnt give me any money at the weekend, thought he might.

I didnt say anything as he took me out for dinner Friday night (and paid for an entrance to night club sat night). So I guess he is trying to make an effort.

God love him, he is quite bad with money. He told me at the weekend that he was putting away a hundred a week to try and get savings sorted. I hope he continues like this. Think it would be quite bold of me to offer advice on savings etc. Oh I dunno.