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online dating - games

  • 20-06-2006 11:48am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,741 ✭✭✭✭


    i joined an Irish online dating site out of curiosity and a bit of "is there anyone out there".
    Not on it long, got a fair bit of correspondence , i find it a bit addicive , checking mails first thing in morning and last thing at night , also seam to be able to get intimate very quickly with certain women, and then following one misinterpreted mail, correspondence becomes cold or stops -- nothing kinky i promise.
    Is online dating renowned for members just playing emotional games or am i just unlucky ?
    I find following intimate mails , and access to photo , i can quickly get involved with someone , and think i have made a connection and then silence .
    There seams to be little honesty , lots of flirting and games .
    Or maybe it is just not for me -- I find it easier and more honest to actually physically meet or talk to someone , even by phone.


Comments

  • Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    You may have just happened on women who were in it for kicks, but when it came to an actual meeting they bottled because thats not what its about for them. You could just have been a 'fluffer' for them ;) Sounds like youve been unlucky. Maybe go for a slightly different profile, or go back to real life where its easier to pick up the signs.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,528 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Chance meetings are chance meetings. Pubs, clubs, campus, work, or online, everyone tends to put their best foot forward. Playing games are not exclusive to online. Games are played elsewhere too. In the States our bars with the most action are called "meat markets," a place where its easy to pick someone up and have a good time. Does anyone think that games are not played in meat markets? Let's see, a guy has "to look good" and "have a good pickup line." He's "got to walk that walk, and talk that talk."

    I've interacted with lots of people online, but just like any other chance meeting place, "You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince."


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    bax wrote:
    i joined an Irish online dating site out of curiosity and a bit of "is there anyone out there".
    Not on it long, got a fair bit of correspondence , i find it a bit addicive , checking mails first thing in morning and last thing at night , also seam to be able to get intimate very quickly with certain women, and then following one misinterpreted mail, correspondence becomes cold or stops -- nothing kinky i promise.
    Is online dating renowned for members just playing emotional games or am i just unlucky ?
    I find following intimate mails , and access to photo , i can quickly get involved with someone , and think i have made a connection and then silence .
    There seams to be little honesty , lots of flirting and games .
    Or maybe it is just not for me -- I find it easier and more honest to actually physically meet or talk to someone , even by phone.


    Can I just add my 2c as well. I find that when people think of a relationship, they automatically imagine their perfect partner (of course they do, you'd want to be pretty fukked up to imagine going out with a wifebeater). The problem is that internet dating, IMO, keeps you one step removed from the person you are chatting to. So, you ask them pointed questions to try to figure out who they are, they think about it for a while and craft the perfect reply, and the same process is done to you. So, you have this person, you know them maybe 1%, and the 99% you don't know, you just "fill in the blanks" and assume that the characteristics they will have are the ones you want. Especially when you are doing the whole flirting over email thing. It's a lot easier to say and do things over email that it would be face to face, but people expect it to be the same. The other thing is, you could be getting on great with someone over email, but when you meet them, there is no spark. If you don't want to see them again, they pretty much know it's because you didn't fancy them - or they didn't fancy you -and that can be hard to take. I've no problems with internet dating sites, but I think you need to go a lot slower than you would if you met someone in the pub and you had a better instinct for how you are getting on.

    hope it works out,
    tbh.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,380 ✭✭✭chuckles30


    It depends on what you mean about getting 'intimate' in the emails - I know you said it was nothing kinky, but if you say anything that a woman is not comfortable with, they may decide that it's not worth it. I use internet dating and recently had a guy contact me and he was only interested in my physical stats, so I just told him I wasn't interested in that sort of relationship. So maybe just be careful as there are a lot of guys out there using internet dating who are only looking for one night stands and they may be making women more suspicious of all guys.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,741 ✭✭✭✭thebaz


    i suppose like most people i would like to meet my perfect partner -- not sure if that is ever possible -- but right now would probably prefer a casual fling, where maybe a relationship develops if lucky . Anyway every woman i am interested in , states they are looking for long term relationship, no flings etc. . Then when i start communicating , it seams they do not want things to get heavy . How long are you meant to chat with someone before going out ? I went out with one, who stated in her profile she want coomitment , but hadn't a clue what she really wanted . To be honest , i am sick of the whole online dating thing , and am thinking of stopping using it , maybe i am not ready emotionally for it, it was fun initially .


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    You’re only one of a number of men they’re flirting with.

    An ex of mine had a friend who, at 36, had decided she wanted to settle down and have kids. To find her ‘perfect’ mate she went online to one (perhaps more) of these dating sites and began to correspond with dozens of men. If she felt she didn’t like one after all, she just dropped him. She even went so far as to date two or three a week in her quest (and apparently repeated herself on one occasion), until she found a guy she liked and wanted to have a relationship with.

    Of course, this is in the context of dating sites - beyond this men have long been notorious for having ‘one in every port’. So I wouldn’t take this seriously - indeed, that you’re getting so emotional so quickly about it is frankly a little bit silly.
    bax wrote:
    Anyway every woman i am interested in , states they are looking for long term relationship, no flings etc.
    Then lie. It’s a stratagem that’s worked for men (and women) for millennia.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 324 ✭✭radioactiveman


    Hi bax - I would say the best thing is to keep a detached view using dating websites as much as possible even though they can work out now and again. From what i've seen a lot of people keep a lot of correspondances going at the same time and then actually forget to reply or just dont bother. You have to be careful or it can be a waste of time depending on the person..


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