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  • 20-06-2006 11:34am
    #1
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭


    You are not familiar with the words
    Needed to translate the sound of your staring
    And yearning for narrative discovery
    Into momentum

    Lost and unformed inside a dusty language
    Grown old and common
    With overuse and sticky fingerprints
    Your silence is industrious

    Previous trysts and present unrest
    Combine to manifest
    A self-made obstacle course
    Your tongue cannot navigate

    Bared-to-the-bone dialogue
    Apparent only during our intermittences

    While my terms of entrapment
    See-through verbal clues
    Startle your conditioned reflexes
    Your cue to sew your mouth shut

    Easy uncertainty claims your fluency
    Climbs into bed with your anxiety
    Even as it gags your flair for eloquence
    Doubt wins out

    Cautious in your counsel
    Careful not to offer any hope

    We can still articulate
    These aggregate layers of longings
    Caught beneath

    Candid thirst-filled text
    Chasing contrary timing
    Across subsiding space

    We sit in wait
    Denying any punctuation pertaining
    To possible hurt
    Refraining from defining
    Our present stalemate

    Trapping tacit utterances
    Along the path
    Between brains and fingertips
    Tracing the markings
    Of our nova remnant


Comments

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    #2
    pauline fayne
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭pauline fayne


    :) congrats shiv on some wonderful work . you are very talented.


  • Options
    #3
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Thank you so much Pauline for your kind words, they mean a lot! :)

    I meant to reply sooner, but forgot...I appreciate it!


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    #4
    GentleReader
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭GentleReader


    Yep. Great. Really great.
    Particularly love

    Candid thirst-filled text
    Chasing contrary timing
    Across subsiding space

    Its just a nice sequence towards the end of the poem. The cadence is delightful. The use of punchy short phrases is nice. The ending of a verse with

    Even as it gags your flair for eloquence
    Doubt wins out

    I love this style of poetry. It shows a flair for construction, rhyme, beat etc. but also merges styles and gives the piece this beautiful dreamlike quality.

    And i like the simple message. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA!!!


  • Options
    #5
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    Thank you so much GentleReader! :)

    I really appreciate your feedback re construction of the poem.

    I hadn't heard of Dan Savage or his sayings, but twas ironic when I looked it up... ;)

    Thanks again!


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