I'm being a psycho ex

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I'll try to keep this as short as possible! Me and my bf of almost 4 years broke up about 2 and a half months ago. I was doing really well for a while, I got on with things, everyone said I was doing really well, but that it would eventually get to me, and it finally has It feels like I've been hit by a freight train and it's left me reeling.

I've realised how much I love him. I get tingles when I think of being near him like I used to when we first met, I think about him all the time. I guess it takes you losing something to realise what it means to you.

He's told me he still loves me and that a day doesn't pass when he doesn't think about picking up the phone n asking me to get back with him. The problems that caused the break up have now been totally cleared up.

But the problem now is that he keeps saying he wants to be with other girls. I really don't get this. How can you say you want to be with other people if you say you love someone and they make you happy. I've been out and done the whole single thing with my friends, but whenever I'm stuck chatting to a guy in a club or a bar or whatever, I can't stop thinking about how I'd rather be talking to him and how much more interested I'd be in what he'd hafta say instead of this stranger talking crap to me

I've argued this point with him but he just kinda automatically responds, it feels like its not him replying to me. Things along the lines of- I'm 22, I wanna be with other people, I cant just be with you for the rest of my life. He won't talk to me on the phone at all, and never really responds to messages either. He told me the other day he'd rather hear from me via email when I told him I thought we should have a chat about whats going on, it's like we're in relationship limbo, we're still emotionally attached but not physically.

I don't wanna marry the guy at 21!!! He makes me happy and I love him and I wanna be with him now. I don't know what things are goning to be like 5 or 10 years down the line. I just live for today. Thats all that matters to me, a lot of members of my family have been sick in the past year and it's changed my perspective on things. Who cares about way into the future?!?!

So as you guys can see, I've turned into a bit of a psycho ex! I was always a likely candidate I guess, I'm fairly emotional! But in my defence, I'm a girl, so it's allowed

Can anyone help me out here? I feel like he's contradicting himself in a way. Its really eating me up and I know it's not good for me to feel so tense all the time. Cheers guys xx

Nickibaby*

I think he wants space! He is being honest about that, he doesn't wanna talk to you right now. He prob wants to work out what he wants from life. Yous are both young and have been together for a long time. You need to give him that space for him to get his head together and for him to realise what it's like to be without you.

He could possibly hate it totally and beg for you back or he might realise you are not what he wants. But your not giving him the chance to miss you, he is more likely to want you back if he is without you for awhile.

He is saying he wants to be with other people though and if he loved you and wanted you I doubt that is something he would want. Don't let him have his cake and eat it to. You deserve someone who is devoted to you. On the other hand he is being honest and isn't trying to cheat so just give him space.

I hope yous are able to work things out.

nobodythere

Yeah I also think he wants space.

You can understand that being with someone for four years when you're that age can sort of freak you out a little. It's natural to want to explore other possibilities in life to be sure you're not making a mistake, and I know in relationship terms that that can be a very hurtful thing to accept, but it could be reality.

If you've been with a lot more people than he has then I think you've a slim chance of understanding how he feels. It's like living in the same city your whole life, but then being afraid that you'll never have the opportunity to live elsewhere and explore life. How can you know you're happy if you don't know anything else? It can be a very claustrophobic feeling and even if you're not smothering him, anything that ties him down just makes him react against it, cut it like an umbilical cord shall we say.

That being said, I might be way off, hard to know from the details you've given

And by the way, you don't really sound like a psycho ex.... I expected a lot worse from the thread title

Black Swan

ex wrote:

But the problem now is that he keeps saying he wants to be with other girls.

I've argued this point with him but he just kinda automatically responds, it feels like its not him replying to me. Things along the lines of- I'm 22, I wanna be with other people, I cant just be with you for the rest of my life.

He won't talk to me on the phone at all, and never really responds to messages either.

I think you have answered your own questions? It will hurt, but I think you need to get over him, and move on.

Poker Hound

Both of you were quite young when you got together so it is only natural for him to be curious about other women. He could have done it the nasty way and cheated on you when you were still together but he must respect you greatly if he has asked to this space and given you the reason why he needs this space. His honesty here is admirable.

The following bit of advice is very important to you. You have to respect his wishes and I recommend you give him the space he longs for. The ONLY way you can get him back is by him experiencing other women but then realising you are the only woman for him. I recommend you send him an email telling him about yoiur feelings for him but that you understand his need for space and that you will not contact him again but that you may be interested in getting back together at a later stage but you will let it up to him to contact you. As hard as it may be, do not contact him in any way as he has got to realise that there is a chance of losing you forever and he is not going to feel this if you are in constant contact.

Finally, try and have a bit of fun yourself. Go out with your friends and enjoy yoursely while you are out and try and only think of your ex after the night out is over. If you let yourself go a little, you may enjoy getting to know someone completely different as you are still young. Who knows, if he sees or hears that you are enjoying yourself without his company, he may realise that he does not want to lose you.

You will probably lose him if you dont give him the space. Try to be strong and dont contact him and you may well be happy with the final result.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys, I'm gonna try my very best not to contact him. I really do want him back more than anything. Thanks again! xXx