Salty Lips

Shane2k5

I'm desperately working on this poem, for my girlfriend. I have caused her a lot of grief, and I never intended on doing that. I'm an Irish-American, or the other way around, however you want to call me. Anyway, I fell in love with her from the first time I saw her, and I had to leave her in Ireland, and come back to the states. I'm coming back for a Christmas holiday, if we can make things work until then. Anyhow, I need some feedback on this poem. By the way, I didn't go to Ireland to steal any Irish women, I went to learn your culture and my ancestry.

Tears run deep,
Even in sleep
Every tear that flows,
Causes me great sorrow

Tears flow along her face,
Tears caused by my disgrace,
And shimmering down her cheeks
Whimpering in defeat
puddling in her lips

For I’m such a fool
A fool in vain,
For the tears are falling like rain

Tears falling from her chin
Falling to the ground
Gathering in a mound

Tears will dry,
When I come through the sky
Wipe those tears away baby,
Because I’m coming to stay

I’ve kissed your lips,
And felt your breath
A sweet embrace,
That will never be misplaced

Matt Holck

you speak of your tears
you speak of distance

speak of her describe beauty you have witness
in the face in her movement
this will mean more to her
speak of her mind and what that means to you
show her why you love her

Shane2k5

Hi Matt, you are absolutely right about the poem. I still need to work on it some more. I'll repost it, when I finish it. Thanks for the feedback. :-)