When I am Evil Overlord

RiderOnTheStorm

When I become an Evil Overlord.....

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones thus preventing someone diguising themselves.

2. My ventilation ducts in my space ship will be too small to crawl through.

3. Shooting will not be too good for my enemies.

4. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

5. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

6. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

7. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

8. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard
it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

9. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

10. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

11. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into
operation.

12. I will dress in bright and cheery colours, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

13. I will not turn into a snake or bat. It never helps.

14. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

15. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

16. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

17. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

spudington16

I've known younger hills, but it still brings a smile to my face (and my replies too, apparently ).

Da Bounca

How will you guarantee loyalty from minions?

forbairt

Need money ... seems appropriate for here

Zapp Brannigan

When I'm Evil Overlord I won't post my plans up on a public Internet site....

RiderOnTheStorm

Da Bounca wrote:

How will you guarantee loyalty from minions?

...through fear, of course!
Wouldnt be much of an overlord without that.

Kermitt

saw this one about 3 years ago.. Original has a list of 101 things. V good though

Kojak

Seen it before.

jobonar

oldie but a goodie!

Capt'n Midnight

Here they are - more fuller lists.

http://www.proft.org/tips/evil.html
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=131721

RiderOnTheStorm

thx Capt'n .... I didnt realise (until I posted this) that there were more.... some of the ones I 'missed' are very funny.

guess I should have done a search before posting, eh?
Still, that other boards.ie post is a couple of years old. How do you remember them all? ..... oh yeah, the search facility, i forgot.... lol