Friends :(

JustLikeheaven

Do u really know who your friends are? Can u trust em?
Yesterday i came home to my flatm8ate who had some news for me. It was a shock for me to take. She told me that one of our best friends had told a fella she only knows for the past month some very personal things about her and her boyfriend. This fella that she doesnt know that long happens to be best friends with my flatmates boyfriend. That fella has a big mouth and said a few things back to my flatmates boyfriend about their sex life and other personal things. Her boyfriend was angry and pissed off that he knew all that stuff. When my friends tell me personal things they expect me to keep it to themselves, which i do. One of my best friends stabbed my flatmate in the back by telling that fella what she knew about my flatmate and her boyfriend.
The 3 of us are great friends and it saddens me to think that i cant trust her anymore! We usually see each other everyday. I havent seen her in the last few days but i will see her this evening. I dont know what to do or say to her. So angry with her!! :mad:

BaZmO*

C'est la vie. It's something that just happens. In life you just have to learn which friends you can trust with personal information and which ones you can't. Unfortunately you normally find this out by being let down but hopefully then learn not to be burn't twice.

Oriel

I wish I was 15 again too...

Surrender

Yea, you don't have to turn your back on them but it just means you need to know who to keep your mouth shut around. I think everyone has these issues with mates. There are some crimes that can't really be forgiven tho.....

r3nu4l

OK, your post is very confusing but it looks like your best friend has learned a very personal and painful lesson.

If I was her boyfriend I would find that very hard to forgive. I'm a bloke and don't share details of my sex life with the lads when I'm out. Your friend is probably quite young and naive I'm guessing.

So after a while I get so confused that I'm not sure what is happening I take it you are unhappy that you can't trust your friend anymore.

You need to find out:
1. Does your friend recognise the stupidity of what she did?
2. Does she take it seriously?
3. Is she mortified/upset herself at the damage she caused?

Perhaps you should say that what she said caused serious problems, and ask her what she thinks about it. Put those questions to her and see how she feels.

It may help if you can make your story more clear. Substitute fake names for flatmate, best mate, flatmates boyfriend, fella. Be consistent so people can keep track of the story.
Maybe it's not confusing, maybe it's just me?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

JustLikeheaven wrote:

Do u really know who yours are? Can u trust em?
Yesterday i came home to my flatm8ate who had some news for me. It was a shock for me to take. She told me that one of our best friends had told a fella she only knows for the past month some very personal things about her and her boyfriend. This fella that she doesnt know that long happens to be best friends with my flatmates boyfriend. That fella has a big mouth and said a few things back to my flatmates boyfriend about their sex life and other personal things. Her boyfriend was angry and pissed off that he knew all that stuff. When my friends tell me personal things they expect me to keep it to themselves, which i do. One of my best friends stabbed my flatmate in the back by telling that fella what she knew about my flatmate and her boyfriend.
The 3 of us are great friends and it saddens me to think that i cant trust her anymore! We usually see each other everyday. I havent seen her in the last few days but i will see her this evening. I dont know what to do or say to her. So angry with her!! :mad:

First of all, there are bad apples out there, but there are true gems as well... this sounds like one the former.

Or she could be just plain clueless. I've known it to happen. Bearing in mind that all the information you have is thrid hand, I think you need to talk to said girl. Find out WHAT she said and WHY she said it. She may turn aroiund and says she didn;t think it'd offend, then tell you need to educate the poor girl. If she makes an excuse or gives a reason, take it as it comes but point out her reaction was still unfair an unacceptable, and innocent people got hurt.

Tell her, if you can, that you forgive her. You ask if there are any true friends out there - can YOU be one...?

JustLikeheaven

r3nu4l wrote:

Your friend is probably quite young and naive I'm guessing.

Well yes she is young and can be naive sometimes.
Thanks for the help. Last nite i couldnt sleep because of it. All that **** was going through my head about trusting people. I just wanted to cry. I have to face her later on. Like every thursday we always go out and dont know whats going to happen tonight. I have a feeling theres gonna be a huge fight.

seamus

Billy Connolly wrote:

The good thing about men is, they can keep as secret. But one thing they can't do, is keep a fart.
The good things about women is, they can keep a fart. But they can't keep a secret.

So if you want a woman to keep a secret, whisper it up her arse!

Seriously though, if there's anything you don't want someone else to know under any circumstances, don't say it any woman, even your bestest friends in the whole wide world. They will say it to whatever random guy they're seeing at the moment.

Heyes

seamus wrote:

Seriously though, if there's anything you don't want someone else to know under any circumstances, don't say it any woman, even your bestest friends in the whole wide world. They will say it to whatever random guy they're seeing at the moment.

So not true :rolleyes:

Nevyn

Pillow talk has it's limits, and men do it too.
If you want something kept a secret then tell no one.
Very few people can truly keep a confidence no matter how dear a friend they are.
It is one of the lessons we learn in life.
Yes is important to have confidants as we all need another person perspective from time to time but you have to know they will not gossip.

Wing Walker

Thaedydal wrote:

Pillow talk has it's limits, and men do it too.

So true!

michaela

so did u tell ur friend how u felt when u saw them in the evening?

Black Swan

N. Machiavelli (sp?) who wrote a book called The Discourses (also a better known and smaller work called The Prince) suggested that only 2 people could keep a secret, because if one told, the other would know. He furthermore said that the more people you tell, the sooner the world would know. A sad commentary if applied to friendship?

michaela

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

N. Machiavelli (sp?) who wrote a book called The Discourses (also a better known and smaller work called The Prince) suggested that only 2 people could keep a secret, because if one told, the other would know. He furthermore said that the more people you tell, the sooner the world would know. A sad commentary if applied to friendship?

very true though, in some cases anyway