Move in together or save the cash?

LegacyUser

Just a quick question to ask you what you'd do in the same circumstance.

Myself & bf love each other very much.
We both live with our parents in our respective homes.
I pay my parents rent (though prob not just as much as if I were renting somewhere else)
We both have our separate busy lives, so generally only see each other for a while at the weekends, where we make lots of time for each other & make an effort for the intimate side of our relationship.

This situation is NOT in any way putting stress on our relationship, but at the same time, I'd just love to be able to snuggle up to him every night, in our own little place.

So, why not just do that, I hear you ask........?

We're just about to get site plans drawn up for our house, get the planning permission sorted & then in a few years build what we want.

So, we need all the money we can get. We would save SO much more money in that time if we weren't throwing it away on rent.

So, which would you do?
Say feck the savings, I want to move in together, or,
say what's another few years to wait to be together when we've got the rest of our lives, & remain living apart?

CrazySka

Id save the money, after all, (to use a cliche) its a marathon not a sprint, a bit of patience now will put you in a better situation later on, If you have plans on buying then renting is dead money.

red_fox

I'd have to agree with that, since your present situation isn't putting any stress on your relationship then the money you both would save now would serve ye well later on.

arctic lemur

I'd agree as it will mean that you can have your dream home together so whats another 2-3 years?

AOR

independent rocks though, its great to do the sensible thing but wouldnt it be nice just to move in together

Blinder

Personally, I would move in with someone and live with them for a while before making a big commitment like building a house together.

Will the relationship still be as strong
- when you are seeing each other every night?
- when you don't have to make as much effort to be together?
- when you find out each others annoying habits?

It will either make the relationship stronger, or it will make you realise that maybe you aren't meant to be together.
I would want to find that out sooner rather than later ( especially if that later bit involves having to sort out legal issues with property)

kittenkiller

It's the sensible option to save rather than rent as long as everything is 'working' in your relationship as the situation stands.
Alas the sensible option sucks!

Stick with it for another while.
It'll be worth it in the end when you get your house together years before you would if you were renting & then you'll have your mortgage paid off years ahead of time too.

Blush_01

I could never build a house with the idea of living in it with someone if I'd never lived with them first. If you happened to get the chance to housesit for someone for a fortnight, you might get a small taste of what life would be like. It's nowhere near living together, but it'd be free and wouldn't rock the boat where going back home was concerned. Also, you'd have an idea what living together might be like within a normal, and not a holiday, situation. So if your parents, or his, are going on holidays, use the opportunity to live your daily lives and see whether you're compatible short-term.

If it wasn't for the price of accomodation in Ireland I'd say move in together and see if it works with the little pressures of rent, bills, putting out the bins, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, dealing with eachother's daily living habits (like the way someone does the washing up and so on - all the little nitty-gritty things that can irritate the crap out of people) and the real side of things that can't be predicted too.

jimmycrackcorm

Save!

the idea that you really need to live with someone first before commitment is misleading imho. Relationships fail because of personality issues and not because he always leaves his ditry underwear on the floor or she hogs the remote all the time.

Salmon

Live together for at least a year before buying/building a house together! Whats the worst that could happen, you might add an extra year or so onto your mortgage because you need to borrow a few extra quid you might have saved if you lived at home. But by moving in together you will get to know each other much better and it wont be as much of a gamble making such a big commitment together! As the saying goes " If you want to know me, live with me!" (Or something like that!!!).

Plus its much better craic living away from home!

Best of luck whatever u do!

DOLEMAN

Save + sleep over in each others place more. Problem sorted.

LegacyUser

A bit of a mixed bag of responses there....

Doleman, both sets of parents are very much the "not under my roof" type, so apart from a quickie when they've gone to bed, there's no spending the night together, I'm afraid.

But we do go away together every so often just for the falling asleep / waking up together experience, (oh, & the rest!!!)

koneko

Yeah I couldn't picture myself buying a house with someone I haven't lived with. Personally, I don't think you really REALLY get to know someone your "better half" until you've lived with them, people can behave very differently and you might find after a year living together that you don't feel the same. But that's just my opinion.

At the end of the day, it's your choice, personally I'd want to get out on my own and be indepedent, spending 2 or 3 more years living at home doesn't sound appealing at all.

Dreamer 7

'd definetly save, although if you are saving hard you can allocate a little funds for the odd weekend away etc. Its soooo hard to save when u are paying someone rent and the chances are your landlord will have other properties too and be loaded so why waste your money by giving it to them. Plan towards your new house it will be worth the wait!

chump

I'd definitely move in with them.
Why wait 2-3years?
Yea sure, you might have more money in your back pocket, but you'll still get along (money-wise) when you eventually do complete the build...

No point putting off any joy to save a few pennies.

And then there's the whole aspect of having trial-runned living with the bf before you buy together.

Don't not rent because of the old, rent is dead money, I don't want some rich bastard profiting from me, spiel.

Surrender

I agree on your idea about saving the money but I think a bigger problem is the fact that you guys haven't been under the same roof b4 and you're going to build a house. I would definately have a go at renting together for a while, I know it puts the house on hold but it is true when they say you don't know someone untill you've lived with them. It'll be a lot cheaper than buying a house for €300k and realising its not working between you