What do you think life is worth?

LegacyUser

Please, I am looking for genuine answers and help to this thread. I just found a reason to come online and seek maybe some advice to a question.
I am in my early twenties, and my life is in a very bad mess. I am not happy with my job or my life in general, when I was 15-19 i was so optomistic and dreamy about my future, but now its like reality and i am working and all my dreams are gone.
I find people are very shallow and only care about themselves, I have tried at relationships but they seems to be too shallow. Any body i was with only was a one nighter thing or fling even though I didnt really want it that way.
I am really down now and I keep thinking that maybe since if everybody is like that, which from reading that science sh(t every body is at animal instinct, is there much point to my life. I have found the idea of dying very comforting and smile when I think i may be able to just end it all. I hate being like this but i am not able to cope. please help coz this is genuine and I cant talk to anyone.

Victor

I think life can be much better that.

Go find something funny and entertaining.

But also, if you are feeling like this a lot, talk to someone, whether its a friend or family member or whether you want to talk to your GP or a counsellor.

Phone: 1850 60 90 90
Text: 0872 60 90 90
e-mail: jo@samaritans.org

अधिनायक

I found my early 20s very difficult. College lets you delay your adolescence and then you find yourself at the bottom of the work pile. Heavy drinking weekends can make you fell down on Mondays and Tuesdays. Try to follow your heart and take up something you enjoy. Once you're comfortable in yourself it's much easier to find a good relationship. Being happy in yourself is very attractive.

Sonderval

Perhaps if you tell us what your dreams were? What have you ever done to try and achieve them?

stepbar

stuck wrote:

Please, I am looking for genuine answers and help to this thread. I just found a reason to come online and seek maybe some advice to a question.
I am in my early twenties, and my life is in a very bad mess. I am not happy with my job or my life in general, when I was 15-19 i was so optomistic and dreamy about my future, but now its like reality and i am working and all my dreams are gone.
I find people are very shallow and only care about themselves, I have tried at relationships but they seems to be too shallow. Any body i was with only was a one nighter thing or fling even though I didnt really want it that way.
I am really down now and I keep thinking that maybe since if everybody is like that, which from reading that science sh(t every body is at animal instinct, is there much point to my life. I have found the idea of dying very comforting and smile when I think i may be able to just end it all. I hate being like this but i am not able to cope. please help coz this is genuine and I cant talk to anyone.

Serious q - is life really that bad? cause as far as I can see someone who is seriously ill or someone who hasnt enough to feed them self has it bad. Im not trying to dumb down your suitation but I think you need to reassess your suitation. Furthermore Suicide is not the answer and it never will. Please think about the people you would leave behind your mother, father, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, friends and family. Put yourself in their shoes and please think of how they would feel?

There is always someone to talk to as previous posters have suggested the samaritans are a good option or your local GP can help. An experienced councillor is also a good option as well. But please dont do what you are thinking about, its the easy way out.

Finally I just wanna say that my mother has suffered from depression since I was born (which was 20 odd years ago). She never had it easy, her mother died when she was 15 and she never had any of the opportunites my brother and I have had (i.e a proper education). But hell she tries real hard, she gets involved in the community, has a part time job, does a bit of horse riding and puts down the odd bet! So really at the of the day life it really not that bad, if you start over analysing it well then you're in trouble. Enjoy life for what it is and take what comes, be glad your alive and dont stress cause you know life is not as bad as you really think.

Darragh29

I can totally empathise with Stuck. All it takes for someone to get this down about life is two or three serious and prolonged problems to come together on a person. I always think of these type of problems as your weekly shopping on the conveyor belt at the checkout. If the checkout person isn't clearing items as quick as you're putting them on, you're going to get a blockage. In Ireland 2006, I think it's very easy to get seriously down, especially around the subject of careers & jobs. If you're not happy at your direction in life and your unhappy in a job and then you are not where you want to be relationship wise, I can see why you would feel like this... Don't feel like you are "different" for feeling like this, if people were more honest with themselves, you might find many more people feeling "disconnected" from life... I don't agree that the way to solve the problem is suicide, I think you need to do a "root and branch" review of life at the moment. Have a night in with a few drinks and get an A4 pad and a pencil and do some brain storming. Write down everything that you'd like to do now, what you'd like to be doing in 12 months time and what you'd like to be doing further on from then.

Things might look a bit clearer then. In a way you are very lucky that you are in your early 20's and it's easy to change the direction of your life at that age, despite what you may think. When you have credit card bills and a mortgage, these avenues are shut. TBH, I wish I was a few years younger, I'd make a few changes to my career back then and it would make me a much happier person now in 2006.

kano476

monotony (sp?) is a killer. i have a friend who has got the exact same problem from what it sounds like. he's a bit younger mind but essentially im hearing the same things. he has found what his life is like now and the prospect ahead is a total dissapointment and can see no direction. it has happens me from time to time on a smaller scale but im kinda at an age where im still limited to what i wan to do.

anyway your not a shallow person that can just allow life to wash over you and thats a great thing your looking for more than just the general. and if your minds very active and your stuck in the same ****e week in week out it can very mentally draining. certain people are just able to cope with it others arent. somebody saying "stop whining and get on with it" or "you need to get out there and get your direction" arent goin to help probably but you really do need to get up off your hole and try change at least one thing even if it is just a slight difference in outlook.

the only one who can give you the solution is yourself. the world around and the people around and the situation your stuck in may be ****e but its up to you to not just accept it and try do something to try and change it. things hevent worked out the way you wanted but why should you accept that.

proper councelling is a good idea though, it will help you to realize ways making things a bit more positive.

Chakar

The problem is trying to cope with interactions between other people because it is a fact that talking to other people is a source of stress for most people.This problem is usually solved by developing coping skills.The fact of the matter people might seem shallow but they're not just acting in their own interests which is understandable.The key is to be independent from other people to a certain extent.

Mr.Nice Guy

stuck wrote:

I am really down now and I keep thinking that maybe since if everybody is like that, which from reading that science sh(t every body is at animal instinct, is there much point to my life.

Yes there is a point to your life. What separates humans from animals is that unlike animals, we are not slaves to our instincts.

Find out what you want from your life and go for it. Don't rely on others to make you happy. Life doesn't work like that.

If you're not happy with the direction your life is going, end your current direction - not your life.

Darragh29

Check out www.depressiondialogues.ie, its an excellent site for these type of problems...

Black Swan

Whoa! To be honest, I'm really uncertain what to say to you. I'll try. Not all people are superficial. Found someone on these boards who is absolutely grand. Maybe you could too? A good friend to chat with might just make a difference in your life. I know it has in mine.;)

Funsterdelux

"to be as happy and content as one probably can be, one should remember what made them happy when they were 10 and try to do them things now"

Tommy Tiernan.

I still have the same dreams I had when I was about 10, not everyone is a sheep and has to follow the flock.

Strokesfan

Hey stuck! Wait, I think our lives move through phases, I'm stuck in a rut too at the moment and very similar sentiments to what you describe but I always think that when you think you're as low as you can go, you're probably not. There are other ways other than suicide to get out of a situation! Save some money or take out a loan, go travelling, leave the stagnant situation you're stuck in?! Get a fresh perspective, I'm going to move to London next year so hopefully things will change! Where I live, I'm not interested in going out so much anymore, I found I had a couple of poisonous friends and a boyfriend who isolated me a little but without them it's a little quieter and lonely but better for my confidence. I get exactly what you mean that sometimes everyone seems shallow. Don't do nothing! Get a dog (dog owners are 70% less likely to kill themselves or something like that). Change your job, take a course. You are obviously intelligent and can change your life at this stage easily. I don't know if you're a boy or a girl but just let this pass cos by next year you could be happy.

Twigy

Hi stuck,
I can understand how you feel. Life is strange and difficult for a lot of us. I am not an optimistic person but sometimes the little things make me so happy(heavy rain after a hot day). sometimes the stupidest things will make me sad. Its hard to find a balance,but you have to count on youself. You have to know that you can change your life because you want to and because you can. So much to do,why would you throw all that away?
if you need a friend,i am sure any of us here will be willing. i am anyway.
*lots of hugs*

Darragh29

Strokesfan wrote:

Get a dog (dog owners are 70% less likely to kill themselves or something like that). Change your job, take a course. You are obviously intelligent and can change your life at this stage easily. I don't know if you're a boy or a girl but just let this pass cos by next year you could be happy.

Getting a dog is brilliant advice, I got a dog two months ago and no matter how bad things might look, I just bring him for a walk and things don't seem to bad. Maybe you could pay a visit to the DSPCA Cats & Dogs home up in Rathfarnam and see if there are any dogs there you like, I think there is some sort of theraputic effect that comes with a dog...

azezil

Nothing in your life will ever change unless you change yourself first, and thats far easier to do than you might imagine.

Velvet Vocals

Throughout my life I have felt like this many times. The thought of ending it - just stepping away can be so enticing, but you have to fight it. Positive thinking and making changes is what has worked for me.
If you feel it coming on then look at what you do to make a change, even if they are drastic changes make them. Anything that will help you fight those feelings.
It happened to me again last year, pretty bad and I made a total change and gave up work and what I was doing and went back to college to study music which is something that I love. You need to figure out what you love and follow it. It might only be a stop gap and you'll have to find something else in the future but you have to find something.
Nothing could make up for the hurt you would cause the people you would leave behind!!!
I do believe that this is a form of depression and in my case I have chosen not to go and see anyone because I believe in my case that I can manage it. But you might be very different and as has been suggested in pervious posts I do think that you should contact someone.
I think also that mood altering substance's have a big effect on it, anything from just a few drinks, smoking a few spliffs to snorting a few lines of coke or dropping a few pills, can have very bad results, you might not feel it at the time but the next day or a few days afterwards it'll be there. I don't do any drugs any more, but I sure used to... infact I was the queen!:rolleyes: Now I only drink, but I try not to even do that too much any more. I'm not saying that you should become t-total, everyone is different and you might not even take drugs or drink I don't know, but maybe just monitor your self for a while and see if these things might be related.
Anyway, always remember that life is a gift and we have to make the most of it! A bit of cleche I know, but if you say it enough times you do start to believe it!:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone. Yeah I think the replies were very good and I am grateful to everyone for replying.

I think there is a lot to be said for each individual reply as there is a story to every one.

I feel better today but I tend to constantly dip down.

That cannot be cured because its a feeling of inferiority I have. I have never been able to get rid of it. I guess nowadays in this country, its just really sh*t to be just yourself, you got all the competition money etc. Especially with all these eastern european women coming in you dont stand a chance because most guys seem to want to date them rather than irish girls. That depresses me as we are not as good looking as them but we do have the bad attitude.

Thanks for replies.

MagnumForce

stuck2 wrote:

Thanks for the replies everyone. Yeah I think the replies were very good and I am grateful to everyone for replying.

I think there is a lot to be said for each individual reply as there is a story to every one.

I feel better today but I tend to constantly dip down.

That cannot be cured because its a feeling of inferiority I have. I have never been able to get rid of it. I guess nowadays in this country, its just really sh*t to be just yourself, you got all the competition money etc. Especially with all these eastern european women coming in you dont stand a chance because most guys seem to want to date them rather than irish girls. That depresses me as we are not as good looking as them but we do have the bad attitude.

Thanks for replies.

Exactly, its a feeling of inferiority that you have, not a feeling that others necissarily(i can never spell that) have about you, you need to realise that your not as bad as all that and everyone on the most basic level is in the same situation as you, we all have the same feelings, we all feel depressed on occasion, some more than others obviously but this does not make you any less of a person.

Im just out of college and ive f*ck all idea or opportunity for work, ive no idea what the hell im gonna do now, at the moment ive no job, no money, no woman, minimal amount of proper friends(an adequate amount of aquantinces) , been tryin to set up a band for almost a year with no success and various other things that are depressing but I dont blame myself for any of this and I make damn sure that I dont get any feelings of inferiority because I know things will get better.

And personally I prefer a nice Irish girl to them Eastern Europeans, well for the most part, there are of course attractive ones, but at least Irish girls speak english!

trillianv

As someone who has Bi-Polar Disorder and has suffered from Depression, I can tell you it gets better if you are willing to take the steps to get there. First thing, see your GP and tell them how you are feeling. You may not need medication and I do not advocate just asking for a pill to make you feel better, but there have been times where I could not cope with my depression and did need medication. The thing is to only stay on it long enough to get yourself back into a postive mind frame to make the BIG changes in your life.

Secondly, see a therapist. Sometimes talking to someone who is not involved in your problems helps you to see them more clearly. In addition, they can teach you techniques to cope with your situation. I believe that everyone could use therapy at one point in their life or another.

Finally, as was stated in prior posts, Re-Asses! Where do you really want to be? What do you want to be doing? What were your dreams? Are they still your dreams? Nothing is unattainable. For instance, say you are working as a receptionist and you hate the humdrum of everyday life, but you always wanted to be an actress. Then do it! Don't just quit your job or your problems will get worse but start going to acting workshops and possibly some auditions. Participate in a local production of something, even if it is just being an usher.

I hope that things get better. It has taken me many years to finally feel mostly at peace with myself. I have bad days as everyone does but it doesn't feel like the end for me anymore. I can also whole-heartedly say suicide is never an option. I have lived through 2 people's suicide (my best friend when she was 16 and my uncle) and it was the worst pain I have ever had in my life. Just imagine inflicting that on everyone! It's not worth it. Good Luck.

keithclancy

DO not go to your local GP if your feeling like this,

1. He'll put you on anti-depressants.

These will screw you up completely, then you'll be referred to a psychiatrist,

2. They'll say you have a chemical imbalance and put you on stronger drugs, and possibly anti-psychotics.

I've seen LOADS of people 18-22 screwed up by these assholes, alot of it is to do with your state of mind at the time. Recognising when your at a low is important, when your tired, lonely or depressed, get out and do something, call one of your friend, go for a coffee or a walk in the park.

We've all been there at one stage or another, but its completely normal and your not in any way unusual or abnormal for feeling like this. Just try to change your outlook and it will all improve from there.

Its like two guys break their leg.

Guy number one thinks this is god punishing him and its all after piling up on him and why could this happen to him, etc.

Guy number two thinks, broke me leg .. arse ... i'll get at least a week off work though.. alll riight.

trillianv

keithclancy wrote:

DO not go to your local GP if your feeling like this,

1. He'll put you on anti-depressants.

These will screw you up completely, then you'll be referred to a psychiatrist,

2. They'll say you have a chemical imbalance and put you on stronger drugs, and possibly anti-psychotics.

Sorry KC I have to disagree. You do not have to take any medication you do not want to. And seeing a therapist is different than going to a psychiatrist. A therapist cannot prescribe medication. Therefore, they are more willing to find alternative methods to helping you through your problems. And yes at times, medication can help but only for as long as you need it and you are not having the pills shoved down your throat.

No offense KC, but pills do not screw everyone up and without being a doctor or specialist telling someone not to go is very irresponsible.

Nevyn

keithclancy that is not always the case and a dr can not force a perscription on anyone.

Op welcome to the shocking fact that you are a grown up the owrld can really suck and you are waiting for your life to begin and it hasn't.

It honestly is up to you to make your life different and better.
It takes an act of will to not let your life become a grind and you have to not settle for what is easy.

Do one thing that is daft but makes you laugh,
do something unexpected and go for a walk.
Make small changes to make your life better, tidy your room, paint the walls, eat desert first before dinner little everyday acts of pleasure and happiness.

Go to one of the art galleries after work or at the weekend and just wander arround and give yourself a break.

You are not yet done in this life there are far to many things you have yet to see and do.
Make a list of them and make them happen.

r3nu4l

Hey OP Yes, the realisation that I wouldn't be fabulously wealthy and have a great job, marriage and family by the time I was 30 was a terrible thing to have to come to grips with for me, especially in a soiety where status symbols and posessions are seemingly everything.

That said, you mentioned inferiority, which usually stems from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I don't normally recommend self-help books but one to read is Confidence in just seven days.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091856655/sr=1-4/qid=1150473261/ref=sr_1_4/026-6636138-7918852?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books&v=glance

That book explains how others perceptions of you may not be as negative as your own and also how to cope with the shallowness of others.

Definitely talk to the Samaritans, those people are great and don't judge you in any way. They are always happy to help and give good advice

Find a hobby that has some meaning for you! Art? Writing? Get involved with worthy causes or groups. You'd be surprised how much some of these groups appreciate your contribution and it gives you a buzz to know that these people are really happy to have you with them.

Esel

keithclancy wrote:

DO not go to your local GP if your feeling like this,

1. He'll put you on anti-depressants.

These will screw you up completely, then you'll be referred to a psychiatrist,

2. They'll say you have a chemical imbalance and put you on stronger drugs, and possibly anti-psychotics.

Worst piece of advice I've seen in a long time. When should a person feeling down and contemplating suicide go to their GP then?

Modern anti-depressants are effective and have very few side-effects. The GP is qualified to decide if they are appropriate in a particular situation.

Matamoros

Hi, here are my depression credentials, I suffer from Reactive Depression, a lover moved away and I crashed, still not over it.

There are many lovely people out there.
Don't expect too much from us though, we are only human.
We are all in this together, we are all suffering, sometimes more than others.
You will find happiness, in you. You have it in there, take a look.

On the practical side, look after yourself.
Minimise your drink or drug consumption.
Eat as healthily as you can.
Get regular sleep.
Do a little exercise.

And if you really want to try new stuff, try to meditate, after a few times, you won't believe the feeling of calm that you will get. x

Sam Vimes

stuck wrote:

Please, I am looking for genuine answers and help to this thread. I just found a reason to come online and seek maybe some advice to a question.
I am in my early twenties, and my life is in a very bad mess. I am not happy with my job or my life in general, when I was 15-19 i was so optomistic and dreamy about my future, but now its like reality and i am working and all my dreams are gone.
I find people are very shallow and only care about themselves, I have tried at relationships but they seems to be too shallow. Any body i was with only was a one nighter thing or fling even though I didnt really want it that way.
I am really down now and I keep thinking that maybe since if everybody is like that, which from reading that science sh(t every body is at animal instinct, is there much point to my life. I have found the idea of dying very comforting and smile when I think i may be able to just end it all. I hate being like this but i am not able to cope. please help coz this is genuine and I cant talk to anyone.

if you're only meeting women in clubs, then one night stands are all you're going to have. you didn't specifically mention that you meet women in clubs but that's where most one night stands happen. join clubs etc and meet nice women instead of drunken whores.

you've said you've lost all your optimism because your stuck in a boring job and see no way out. here's an idea: save up a bit of money then go to the airport and get on the next plane that's leaving (it make take slightly more planning than that). that should shake things up a bit. its your life and you can do whatever you want with it. in my opinion there's no greater waste of a life than to get a 9-5 job straight out of college and spend the rest of your life making money for someone else til you grab your chest and die. i'm off to australia as soon as i'm finished. feck all that settling down malarky

Millie1

U know....its easy to get into that sort of rut at times...no matter what age u are!! I've been there and there's nothing worse than people telling u to snap out of it when u feel so bad.

I agree about the doc tho, throwin tablets at u is no answer...and doesn't actually fix anything. There will always be times when everything collapses in on you at the same time and its difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there, believe me. And its very easy to think about dying, but fight on...you'll get there, that I promise....take it from one who knows!

My advice to you is to find one person that you can talk to, a family member, friend or even a counsellor they have a more objective view of things...talk to that person and take your advice from them and only them cos when there are a lot of people talking you through things it only complicates things, and can actually make the situation worse.

Good luck with it....you'll get there x

Millie1

Try reading this book if you don't want to see a therapist.....helped me a little...The Power of your Subconscious Mind' by Joseph Murphy

Marksie

Your life is special, YOU are special.
Everyone goes through phases of depression.
Sometimes it is external: Two years ago I was constantly on the recieving end of bullying from senior management (good old civil service). My father was suffering strokes and cancer and then my only nephew died of a heart attack at 29 (we were very close). All at the same time.
The doctor helped in the short term was very understanding and did put me on anti-depressants. They helped and we were in close contact... eventually I said i had had enough of the antidepressants.. the doc said he knew.
By determination I turned the tables on the manager, my dad survived, and I came to terms with the grief of my nephew.
But that was a solid two years ago.

I reevaluated and now am setting up my own business, following a life path and trying to talk to others on forums like these top see if what i went through can help others like yourself.

The issues with polish girls is a self confidence. Hey..i am english and think that irsish girls are the best in the world ....
Its more than looks for me anyway.

It may sound silly, but depression can be re-inforced by lack of sensory stimulation.. and one thing i found was that by going for a walk and actually looking at the world around really did help... a sunrise or sunset, just changing small things then you will find over time that you will appreciete you for yourself and what a unique and special individiual you are
Remember there is no-one else quite like you in the world.. and it would be a shame to deprive us all of your presence
in fact... simply look at all these people willing to help..you are not alone

trillianv

marksuttonie wrote:

The doctor helped in the short term was very understanding and did put me on anti-depressants. They helped and we were in close contact... eventually I said i had had enough of the antidepressants.. the doc said he knew.

Another good example of how anti-depressants can be used short-term to help you get back to a place in life where you can handle a situation. You do not have to be on them permanently. MS happy to hear you are doing better!

Marksie

Thanks TV .
Never better actually. Reassessed and looking forward. Take it as a positive in the end..no use looking back.
Celebrating the solstice in style

Donegal Lass

marksuttonie wrote:

Your life is special, YOU are special.
Everyone goes through phases of depression.
Sometimes it is external: Two years ago I was constantly on the recieving end of bullying from senior management (good old civil service). My father was suffering strokes and cancer and then my only nephew died of a heart attack at 29 (we were very close). All at the same time.
The doctor helped in the short term was very understanding and did put me on anti-depressants. They helped and we were in close contact... eventually I said i had had enough of the antidepressants.. the doc said he knew.
By determination I turned the tables on the manager, my dad survived, and I came to terms with the grief of my nephew.
But that was a solid two years ago.

I reevaluated and now am setting up my own business, following a life path and trying to talk to others on forums like these top see if what i went through can help others like yourself.

The issues with polish girls is a self confidence. Hey..i am english and think that irsish girls are the best in the world ....
Its more than looks for me anyway.

It may sound silly, but depression can be re-inforced by lack of sensory stimulation.. and one thing i found was that by going for a walk and actually looking at the world around really did help... a sunrise or sunset, just changing small things then you will find over time that you will appreciete you for yourself and what a unique and special individiual you are
Remember there is no-one else quite like you in the world.. and it would be a shame to deprive us all of your presence
in fact... simply look at all these people willing to help..you are not alone

very inspirational, glad you're on your feet again!

Marksie

Donegal Lass wrote:

very inspirational, glad you're on your feet again!

Well i hope so for Stuck's sake.

I hope she IS reading these and taking encouragement.

This is where forums like this come into their own.