freaking out about moving in with untrustworthy girlfriend

jesus smith

ok ive been going out with this girl for 6 months and we're very much in love,
the story goes that her flat mates brought his girlfriend over from poland, now she had a job set up in a some horse place but upon arriving here she was told that they dont take polish qualifications,
there had been an agreemeant that her and the boyfriend would move into my girlfriends room (he normally shares with another guy so he cant have his girlfriend in the same room) till such time as she could get acccomodation
(she was meant to be getting put up by the stable in accomodation so now shes stuck sleeping in the flat)
anyway my gf was meant to be moving in with me for the 3 months the polish girl was here and we wer going to take my flat mates room which is bigger, she (my flatmate was gonna take my room for reduced rent) anyway my flatmate was grand about it to my face then started bitching bout it behind my back so we couldnt move in, long story short we decided to just get a place of our own, the polish girls not bothering to look for a realistic job only focusing on horse stables and i cant stand my flat mate.
anyway we decided to move out last monday (the 5th) and by thursday wed found and moved in somewhere, which was so fast!
im just freaking out cos the new land lord doesnt want posters on the walls an my girlfriends all on about loud music waking the neighbours etc and i just feel ive no freedom.
on top of this we've other problems, basically she has a massive history of cheating on boyfriends and getting bored with people and i know she flirts with guys in work to break up the boredom, however yesterday she tells me how some canadian guy came in and was chatting her up then he asked her out and she said no she had a boyfriend but she had a break in a few minutes and so she could go for a quick coffee which im sorry but thats just stupid. if you ask a girl out and she says no ive a boyfriend but ill go on my break with you its positive and you'll be back, im getting the feeling its only a matter of time till she cheats and i wind up without a gaff or a girlfriend

Nevyn

Then don't wait look for some place for you to move into with out her.

vorbis

you don't trust her, you've only being going out for 6 months and you want to move in with her????

Ickle Magoo

I think it's irrellevent how long you have been going out before you move in together - if that is what you both want & neither of you have any reservations.....you sound like you have some major reservations and it also sounds like your g/f is playing games....you need to sit her down & tell her what you want/expect from a relationship and work from there....flirting with other guys and then telling you about it (and the rep for cheating) would suggest to me that she has seriously low self-esteem & her commitment problems stem from this.....you need to discuss all the issues and decide if you are ready to live together....hth

Darragh29

Moving in with someone after 6 months is nothing short of a joke.

Victor

jesus smith wrote:

however yesterday she tells me how some canadian guy came in and was chatting her up then he asked her out and she said no she had a boyfriend but she had a break in a few minutes and so she could go for a quick coffee

Coffee is not code for sex.* Coffee means "You seem intersting and I would like to get to know you better. The only obligation is for polite conversation for the duration of the coffee. Leave the car engine running if you feel nervous."

* It isn't, is it?

secret_squirrel

Darragh29 wrote:

Moving in with someone after 6 months is nothing short of a joke.

Useful post :rolleyes:

OP you dont trust your girlfriend, if you did having a coffee with a guy wouldnt be an issue.

You shouldnt be living together. At the very least you have major trust issues you 2 need to discuss ASAP.

chamlis

Darragh29 wrote:

Moving in with someone after 6 months is nothing short of a joke.

It's true. I did it. Turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

No joke.

BeardyGit

chamlis wrote:

It's true. I did it. Turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

No joke.

A friend of mine moved in with a girl he met after only 3 days. They were both living at home at the time. Met at a gig, spent 48 hours together and took out a lease on an apartment together. Still together 9 years later and going strong. Mad about each other they are.

That said, if the OP has trust issues (and can't see past someone elses past) then he's probably not made the right decision. His insecurity is something he'll have to deal with though - This will only come up time and time again.

AnitaMcCluskey

I moved to another country to be with my boyfriend after 3 months and we live in perfect bliss with a little one on the way. I don't think that a time limit can be put on love. However, I was completely sure that this is what I wanted. I too, had a past of cheating and lying on previous partners but I wouldn't dream of doing it to my boyfriend. In my case, a leapord can change her spots. As for the flirting, my boyfriend's friends (french, might explain it) think that our relationship is completely strange because I can flirt with them and other boys in the pub and my boyfriends doesn't bat an eyelid - tis because he trusts me and knows that I'm not leaving with anyone but him. Don't judge her on her past because every relationship is different.

dahamsta

Darragh29 wrote:

Moving in with someone after 6 months is nothing short of a joke.

Newsflash: people are different. My gf moved in after about a month, she's still here 7 months later and in no hurry to move out again. It isn't a fact just because it didn't work for you, or someone else.

(Course I met her on Boards, so we're both freaks.)

adam

dudara

My bf and I started to live together after a week. It felt right and that was 6.5 years ago. As a previous poster said, there is no timeframe on love.

Anyway to get back to the OT, it's not the moving in together quickly that's bothering you, it's the trust issues that you have with her. Only a serious conversation with her will suffice here.

And by the way, I would consider turning someone down for a drink, but then accepting coffee with them 5 minutes later to be slightly dubious in character. That would be a positive signal to a guy, whether she realises it or not.

masterK

She sounds like the sort who likes to lead blokes on. It sounds like she was trying to tease the Canadian bloke and by telling you it's as if she was trying to make you jealous.

Darragh29

Ken Shabby wrote:

Newsflash: people are different. My gf moved in after about a month, she's still here 7 months later and in no hurry to move out again. It isn't a fact just because it didn't work for you, or someone else.

(Course I met her on Boards, so we're both freaks.)

adam

7 months isn't a very long time to be able to claim a sucessful outcome! I didn't say it was a fact as you allege, just in my humble opinion, moving in with someone after 6 months is an absolute joke! My own experience has absolutely nothing to do with it by the way.

dahamsta

Darragh29 wrote:

7 months isn't a very long time to be able to claim a sucessful outcome!

I'll be the judge of that. Saying "moving in with someone after 6 months is an absolute joke" isn't a very successful statement; you can be the judge of that one, ok? Now, are we done yet, or are you going to comment on something else you claim to have no personal experience of?

adam

dudara

OK, everyone back on topic. If this continues, bannings will ensue.

Darragh29

Ken Shabby wrote:

I'll be the judge of that. Saying "moving in with someone after 6 months is an absolute joke" isn't a very successful statement; you can be the judge of that one, ok? Now, are we done yet, or are you going to comment on something else you admittedly have no personal experience of?

adam

I don't need to move in with anyone because I have my own house and so does my gf so the issue doesn't arise. I suppose it could be argued that we moved into each other's houses. There is room here for different opinions on these threads Ken. It might be working for you at the moment and fair play to you if it is. My opinion, if you can handle it, is that 7 months isn't a long time in a relationship. I have no personal experience of living with a girl after one month because most people would agree that it is simply not a smart thing to do. Of course you can be the judge of whether it is working for you, and I can be the judge of whether I think this is something that I would be comfortable with, ok????

Magic Pips

OP, sit back and and check out the general re-occuring themes here...

trust, rush decision etc...

you dont trust her, my opinion would support you not trusting her, run a mile. - my opinion

Darragh29

Darragh29 wrote:

I don't need to move in with anyone because I have my own house and so does my gf so the issue doesn't arise. I suppose it could be argued that we moved into each other's houses. There is room here for different opinions on these threads Ken. It might be working for you at the moment and fair play to you if it is. My opinion, if you can handle it, is that 7 months isn't a long time in a relationship. I have no personal experience of living with a girl after one month because most people would agree that it is simply not a smart thing to do. Of course you can be the judge of whether it is working for you, and I can be the judge of whether I think this is something that I would be comfortable with, ok????

I'm finished with the discussion on this thread. Ken, PM me if you have any further issues...

Dar.

dudara

Darragh29, did you not read my last post? I asked for this argument over timeframes to stop. Please do not continue with it.

dudara

dahamsta

dudara wrote:

OK, everyone back on topic. If this continues, bannings will ensue.

That's jusk asking for trouble, I haven't been banned from here for ages.

Dreamer 7

Sorry to say this but it doesnt seem like a stable relationship or someone you can depend on. Id get out as quickly as poss, with hopefully heart and wallet intact!