Girlfriend being indecisive

LegacyUser

OK, i've been going out with my gf for well over 2 years, this is complicated so bear with me, she cheated on me the night we started going out, yes you read that right, but i forgave her for that, but then we went on a break(breakup/break) about 3 weeks go, and she cheated on me with the same fella, the night she cheated on me (for the 2nd time) she rang me in tears saying that i was the only one for her etc... needless to say i took her back, but now she's been indecisive 2 times since she cheated on me wheather she wants to be with me or not... I love her with all my heart, but with all the recent happenings im not sure we should be together anymore.. Opinions?

Darragh29

Usred019$ wrote:

OK, i've been going out with my gf for well over 2 years, this is complicated so bear with me, she cheated on me the night we started going out, yes you read that right, but i forgave her for that, but then we went on a break(breakup/break) about 3 weeks go, and she cheated on me with the same fella, the night she cheated on me (for the 2nd time) she rang me in tears saying that i was the only one for her etc... needless to say i took her back, but now she's been indecisive 2 times since she cheated on me wheather she wants to be with me or not... I love her with all my heart, but with all the recent happenings im not sure we should be together anymore.. Opinions?

I think you're putting your hand out to be slapped mate!

the Guru

The same thing happened to me with an ex, she rang me and told me she was with a bloke (who I know she was with before) and that she was at a party in Tallaght , she said she was sorry and then she asked me to pick her up, I told her to fook of and make her own way home.

But she was seeking attention as I wasn't showing her enough, I enjoyed time with the lads etc but I didn't spend enough time with her, this was her was of punishing me.

I did however forgive her and got back with her, 1 year later the same thing happened , I didn't go back.

I would stay clear if she has done it twice she will do it again

jimmycrackcorm

The first time wher you onlystarted going out doesn't count and should be discarded as you didn't really have any relationship until it developed. As for the second time - well people make mistakes and learn from them. Make them again and it's bye bye.

TriWannabe

happened me early on in a relationship and i let it go, but if it happened a sceond time there is no way in hell i would. i think you should move on. it will hurt, maybe for long time but eventually u will get over it and be very glad you did.

Black Swan

Obviously something is missing in your relationship with her. Find out what it is, then decide if it can be fixed or move on.

Grem

If my boyfriend of 2 years couldnt make up their mind on whether they wanted to be with me or not id be slightly insulted. And i wouldnt wait around to hear their decision.

Ruu_Old

You are being used OP but you are obviously a kind hearted person to put up with her but you need to finish it. You deserve far better.

TriWannabe

Ruu wrote:

You are being used OP but you are obviously a kind hearted person to put up with her but you need to finish it. You deserve far better.

what does OP stand for ?

Baraboo

There are obviously other issues here. why were you on a break. Was this your idea or hers? It might be that she had unresolved issues from the time she was with this guy before. This might just be a never to be repeated one off.

If you had a stable relationship apart from this I would say possibly forgive/forget as much as possible and try to get on with things. This might not now be possible as this sort of mistrust can really hurt a relationship and will take a lot of work on both your parts to rebuild.

If on the other hand and judging by the break this might be the case, the relationship is a bit flakey then I would look at this as a last symtom of a dying relationship and try to get out. Putting more energy into this could be destructive to any future relationship you are in unless there is a positive result from doing so.

That being said if you really do love the girl, give her the benefit of the doubt.

Irish Wolf

Darragh29 wrote:

I think you're putting your hand out to be slapped mate!

Agree wholeheartedly... Why should you accept that type of behaviour? Dang sure the same would not be reciprocal.

Been there done, that on far too many occasions...

Magic Pips

for the love of god... give her the bullet... if you cheat you should get the bullet... and yes i have done some cheating in my younger days but no more, if i feel like cheating (acting upon it) i'd get out of the relationship.

looks like a majority saying give her the gun

chump

Magic Pips wrote:

give her the gun

for the love of gawd have some pride in yourself!


All said I can see why you'd let the first one go, the second one though, not a chance... and it being with the 1st one as well! That's just a bit frightening tbh...

koneko

Yeah, ditch her. She cheats on you twice, and *she* can't decide if she wants to be with YOU? If anyone shouldn't be sure here, it's you. She can be indecisive all by her lonesome, while you get on with your life and meet girls that aren't going to screw with your head like this.

ianmc38

A carefully worded text is needed for this problem:

"Welcome to Dumpsville! Population you."

Leopard, spots....

My advice - say goodbye.

Dragan

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

The first time wher you onlystarted going out doesn't count and should be discarded as you didn't really have any relationship until it developed. As for the second time - well people make mistakes and learn from them. Make them again and it's bye bye.

Bollocks, twice is twice, plain and simple. Dump her dude.

Darragh29

Dragan wrote:

Bollocks, twice is twice, plain and simple. Dump her dude.

I wouldn't even bother with the "dumping" process for this lass, I'd just start seeing someone else straight away, keep seeing her at the same time and let her work it all out for herself when the time comes and see how she likes her own behaviour being thrown back at her...

Dors1976

Time to move on I think. Don't think "She" will ever change. Like the other, been there, you'll be hurt in the end.

Kinetic^

Man....I think you know the answer yourself.....move on now......and never ever look back!!!!!!!!

Ruu_Old

TriWannabe wrote:

what does OP stand for ?

Sorry, OP= Original Poster.

LegacyUser

r3nu4l here, Sorry for being unregistered for this, the system won't let me log into boards.ie at all!! Can't even login to the help desk to query why! Not getting updates to subscribed threads either! Anyone know what the problem is?

Anyway...OP, the fact that your gf has gone back to the same guy as before means that there is an attraction there. You do need to talk to her first to find out why she has done this. What is missing in your relationship?

It sounds like you might be better off just cutting your losses now but I would suggest that you talk and try to work it out first, after all two years is a fair amount of time.

Fanny Cradock

I hardly think that indecisiveness is the issue here - it's your girlfriend's cheating that is the problem. Face facts: you are not "the only one for her". She has proved this to you on two occasions!

You guys are obviously going through some problems at the moment - hence the break. I think, by her actions, she has pretty much outlined the future she sees in the relationship. It's flabbergasting to think that she went BACK to the same guy after you initially forgave her. That's a two finger salute right in your face if i've ever seen one.

Personally, I'd move on. There are plenty of kind, sweet and beautiful ladies out there who will respect you! There is no reason to stay with someone who would twice betray you!

Darragh29

As George W Bush said recently enough:...!

"Fool me once... shame on, shame on, you, fool me, you can't get fooled again...!!!"

It was meant to me "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!".

Click the link below for the Bush version, worth viewing!!!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/multimedia/foolbush.mov

In any event the same is surely true for this thread, no matter which version you prefer!!!

Nevyn

Darragh29, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Magic Pips

a bit harsh thyd, made his/her point albeit a tad diluted.:rolleyes:

besides I think the OP has his answer!

youcancallmeal

If you have any interest in keeping your pride then leave her quick!

Darragh29

Magic Pips wrote:

a bit harsh thyd, made his/her point albeit a tad diluted.:rolleyes:

besides I think the OP has his answer!

I think my point is relevant & obvious. I was hoping the OP would check the link and get the message we are all giving him straight from George Dubya! A little humour, surely not irrelevant??? Maybe you guys just don't get my sense of humour!?!

hullaballoo

Most people have said that you should just ditch her. And they would be right. You should.

However, you probably won't. When you love someone, you genuinely want to believe that they love you too, and because of that, it's not difficult for them to convince you that they do. If you know what's good for you, you will end it.

How are you supposed to face up to the fact that someone you love doesn't love you? I can tell you first-hand that I'm in the middle of something similar myself (actually, I have been for some time) and I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

The answer would seem to be to spend a lot of time with your mates. Enjoy yourself, and don't rush into anything with anyone else (unless you're sure about it). Go on holidays. Do something different.

MarkR

Indecisive is not being able to choose between garlic fries or curry chips. Going off with someone is making a decision to go off with someone.

I kinda agree that the first "indecision" is not as much a betrayal as this current one, but it really depends on how you feel.

You've been burned twice, do you think it'll happen again? If yes, then it's just two choices, accept it or end it

AOR

chump wrote:

All said I can see why you'd let the first one go, the second one though, not a chance... and it being with the 1st one as well! That's just a bit frightening tbh...

I agree, I would have let it go only for the fact that it was with the same person and now she cant decide whether or not to be with you :eek: I think its time you made the decision for her.

LegacyUser

right all,im the girlfriend in this situation... refrain from name calling..
every relationship that i was in before this one i cheated on every one of them, not a great thing, ill hold my hands up. so when i got into this one, i didnt know at the time that it would be any different, so cheated. the fella that i cheated with was a friend of mine.
after i made what i had done known, i was forbidden to talk to him! same went for another friend who i had met but not while with my bf. and for the record my bf called it a month ago beacuse "we didnt think on the same wavelength". a few days later he txt me sayin hed made a mistake etc etc... over these few days i got in contact with the fella i cheated with... i hadn spoken to him in nearly 3 yrs so i was curious. plus this fella paid me lots of attention... all for the wrong reasons i was later to discover! my bf spent a week being nice to me trying to get me back.. this was before the incident..
anyhow i met up with the cheatee and went the pics... ended up kissin..brought him home.. i started makin excuses cos i wanted to get away from him i was physically sick! rang the bf askin to see him.. told him the situation etc.. ever since my mind has been all over the place, i dont know wat te hell i want.. i know its not fair on him and ive told him this..
also my sister's relationship ended last year after 10 years, this scares me.. i dont want this to happen to me. im afraid if i get tied down at the age of 20, ill go the same way..

Darragh29

Hmmm, the plot thinkens!

chump

Unreg459 wrote:

yapyapyap

Even when your bf was trying to get you back, you THEN went to the cinema with the other lad, hooked up with him, invited him back to yours, got cold feet, and rang the bf...

I dunno why your bf would bother with you.
Or maybe he deserves you ... time will tell )

Darragh29

Unreg459 wrote:

i hadn spoken to him in nearly 3 yrs so i was curious. plus this fella paid me lots of attention... all for the wrong reasons i was later to discover!

Why do you need extra attention paid to you from other guys, are you THAT insecure??? I think you're boyfriend is correct when he said the two of you are on different wavelengths. You sound shallow, needy, insecure and in love with your own reflection while your other half sounds like a decent guy who a lot of girls would be very happy to be with. My best advice to him is to be well rid of you...

LegacyUser

i dint bring him back to my house... i dropped him to his house!!

and its not that i need extra attention from other fellas...i need attention from my boyfriend and i never really got it.. i always felt i came second to other stuff he does....

TriWannabe

thanks ruu

Darragh29

Don't give us that auld chestnut. Sounds like you're here on a PR exercise to be honest.

Kinetic^

Unreg459 wrote:

i dint bring him back to my house... i dropped him to his house!!

and its not that i need extra attention from other fellas...i need attention from my boyfriend and i never really got it.. i always felt i came second to other stuff he does....

Get the boat darling.........you're playing this lad for a fool and it seems to be working........if the BF is reading this which I presume he is..........dump this excuse for a human and find somebody that appreciates you.

bassist

hey dude,
look she's obviously too selfish to think about you at all' o n any level. Ive been there dude four years i spent on girl who i was madly in love with, but for four years all she ever thought about was what was going on in her life. she cheated on me i took her back and everything was fine for a month then she got fed up with her life and all the dramatics started again. pre-madonnas think only about themselves as much as we love them they need blokes to moan about so they can drink their wine with there mates and get validated by the other pre-madonnas. of course this is just my opinion and i dont know your bird so i cant say but if she cheated on you and now all the drama is about her its sounds like she's just too godammed selfish to care about another persons feelings, speicially if she is the one who cheated on you.

Fanny Cradock

Is this a joke?? Why would the girlfriend feel the need to come on here and defend her anonymous self???

If this is true, I feel a sick pity for the girlfriend because of her inability to maintain a monogamous relationship. There must be a huge void in her life if she has cheated in every relationship she has been in. Something wrong there. Reading the reply it appears if there is little in the way of regret form her. Instead, she seems to take a defensive tone and tries to justify her ways.

The girlfriend needs to figure out why she is a serial cheat.

The OP needs to ditch her quickly and, sometime in the future, find a decent girl.

Move on, OP! She's a selfish mess.

Darragh29

Fanny Cradock wrote:

Is this a joke?? Why would the girlfriend feel the need to come on here and defend her anonymous self???

Move on, OP! She's a selfish mess.

It's a PR exercise to her, she thinks she'll feel better in her own head if she can "convince" us all here that she is the victm and her BF is causing all the problems. This is an attempt to sanitise the problem and her involvement in it. I hope the BF is out in Ri-Ra's or somewhere pulling a stunner tonight, 'cos that's where I'd be if I was him!

LegacyUser

i think she deserves a chance! ok nobody is perfect but we all make mistakes! she obviously regreted her actions a few weeks ago, ringin her bf up in tears! but we all deserve second chances! she doesn't feel that she comes first before other things in her bf's life and obviously shes goin to think about they're relationship! its nice when you know you come first in your partners life! maybe thats up to the bf how things will go but both of them clearly still have feelings for each other and they should try putting everything behind them and starting fresh, at least try to make things work! would be a shame after two years ending things the way they are still caring for each other!

TriWannabe

OP and GF...........you 2 need to go your separate ways........stop blaming each other and let go........it doesn't matter who is at fault at this point in time.........the main thing is you guys will never be able to settle with each other with this hanging over your heads.........it will keep coming up time and again............go be single for a long while and figure out why it happened if you don't want it to happen in next relationships........you guys will be much happier some time down the road with other people if you keep your noses clean..........

LegacyUser

Wel thats it, thanks for the opinions.

Appreciated