Physically incapable of having sex? (male)

Delta_Golf

Hi, I will keep this as short as I can.

I have avoided this issue for years but now it is really getting me down. I believe I am physical incapable of having sex. It started in my teens when I realised that I couldn’t get a condom on when trying to practise. I was never able to role it down over my penis and it brought a lot of discomfort when the skin of my penis was pulled back. I felt the skin wasn’t coming back far enough and it was painful to try to force it. So I developed a severe complex about the whole thing and never dealt with it.

This destroyed my confidence around girls and to this day I often avoid getting too close to a girl in case she wanted to have sex and I wouldn’t be able to.

As I was always extremely shy around girls in my teens I was 18 before I kissed a girl and I was 21 before I had sex. I have only had sex a couple times in my life. Neither was enjoyable as I didn’t really like the girls and I was very uncomfortable and worried about my performance etc.

I have been in a couple relationships but always avoided getting too physical as I had developed a complex when it came to sex.

I have masturbated constantly since my teens to compensate for the lack of physical contact from women and now I find that I really don’t know what sex is about as obviously what I am thinking about doesn’t relate to the real act.

Also, now I find that my sex drive had deteriorated over this and I am not getting a full and strong erection and I know I would not be able to get a condom on and even if I tried I would loose the semi-erection. Plus the whole act is not lasting more than a matter of seconds. I have missed out on a lot of opportunities with girls as a result of this.

This has obviously led me to become very depressed about the whole thing as I feel I have missed out on the fun that relationships should be, the excitement that a physical relationship brings when you really like someone.

Can I ever be able to have a fulfilling enjoyable sex life now? I am almost 30!

I don’t know what to do.

um7y1h83ge06nx

You really, really, really need to see a GP about this.

Delta_Golf wrote:

I was never able to role it down over my penis and it brought a lot of discomfort when the skin of my penis was pulled back. I felt the skin wasn’t coming back far enough and it was painful to try to force it.

Maybe your foreskin is too tight? Sounds like it is. If that is the case, it's not a big deal to get it sorted but will make a huge difference to your sex life.

So book an appointment with a GP ASAP.

Vegeta

my good friend Super_Sonic is spot on

you could need to be circumsized(sp?) one of my mates had it done when he was 17 so its not just for kids. Go and see a doctor

fuzzywiggle

You definitely should see a doctor about this. That is all the advice I can give you and I hope you take it on board

Delta_Golf

Kai Bald Infant wrote:

You really, really, really need to see a GP about this.



Maybe your foreskin is too tight? Sounds like it is. If that is the case, it's not a big deal to get it sorted but will make a huge difference to your sex life.

So book an appointment with a GP ASAP.

Thanks for your response.

The thought of discussing this to anyone scares the hell out of me.

I don't know if my foreskin is too tight as I don't know how far its supposed to come back.

The thought of any kind of operation or doctor touching it makes me freak out!

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Delta_Golf wrote:

Thanks for your response.

The thought of discussing this to anyone scares the hell out of me.

I don't know if my foreskin is too tight as I don't know how far its supposed to come back.

The thought of any kind of operation or doctor touching it makes me freak out!

Well, a doctor is a professional. He/she has seen plenty of penises in his time i'm sure and so it's not a big deal to him. And he will know for sure what the problem is.

It shouldn't be a big deal to you either. What I mean, isn't a little potential embarrassment a small price to pay to get this issue sorted?

And an operation? Maybe you don't need one, a doctor will know if you do. And if you do need circumsision (sp?), it's an extremely routine operation.

And as Machivelli said "The end justifies the means", so please, suppress your fear and go for it.

Delta_Golf

daveirl wrote:

This post has been deleted.

How do you mean all the way?? Should the head of the penis become completely exposed??? That certainly doesn't happen for me! For me that area is far to sensitive and would bring alot of discomfort if it touched off clothing etc.

Forgive my ignorance.

chamlis

Dude you'd be surprised how many people actually have a foreskin problem. Circumcision is the most dramatic solution, and as super_sonic said, it is a routine operation. Most likely, a small cut will be made that will loosen the foreskin. I'm sure you'd be drugged up too. Recouperation is a few weeks to a month as far as I know.

As an aside, you must watch a bit of pr0n. So you see those guys? They are ALL circumcised. When you pull your foreskin back, it should look like that but bunched up behind, if you get me?

Delta_Golf

chamlis wrote:

Dude you'd be surprised how many people actually have a foreskin problem. Circumcision is the most dramatic solution, and as super_sonic said, it is a routine operation. Most likely, a small cut will be made that will loosen the foreskin. I'm sure you'd be drugged up too. Recouperation is a few weeks to a month as far as I know.

As an aside, you must watch a bit of pr0n. So you see those guys? They are ALL circumcised. When you pull your foreskin back, it should look like that but bunched up behind, if you get me?

When fully erect the skin is still covering most of the head. If I try and pull it back it gets uncomfortable and doesn't look like as you described.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Delta_Golf wrote:

When fully erect the skin is still covering most of the head. If I try and pull it back it gets uncomfortable and doesn't look like as you described.

Yeah, well as the mods would say this isn't a medical forum, but that definitely does seem like a tight foreskin.

If you still feel uncomfortable about getting it taken care of, maybe you should do some googling. I'm sure you will find testimonies from guys that had tight foreskins and other problems that affected their sex life, and how things improved when they seeked medical advice and help.

Magic Pips

i would deffo say... see yer GP... i've had a GP's finger up me bum, and on me shaft... very professional honestly, its a normal situation to them, so dont let that worry you.

think about it like this...

sex life sorted > a little red cheek embarassment

Delta_Golf

Thanks guys, I have avoided this issue and put of doing anything about it for years and I have missed out on alot as a result. I guess I do need to see a GP but the thought of it scares the hell out of me.

And what scares me even more is the thought of circumcision and the discomfort and pain of the healing aftewards.

But perhaps if I go through all this my inhibitions about sex will be gone and I will regain my confidence around women.

I missed out potentially on a relationship with a great girl a while ago because of my complex about the physical side of things.

Magic Pips wrote:

i would deffo say... see yer GP... i've had a GP's finger up me bum, and on me shaft... very professional

God I hope I don't have to go through that!

Magic Pips

Delta_Golf wrote:

God I hope I don't have to go through that!

Honestly, it wasn't that bad. Don't fret about visitin yer GP or the circumsision

the Guru

Delta_Golf wrote:

How do you mean all the way?? Should the head of the penis become completely exposed??? That certainly doesn't happen for me! For me that area is far to sensitive and would bring alot of discomfort if it touched off clothing etc.

Forgive my ignorance.

1st, your foreskin doesn't have to come back to the corona (The ridge of flesh demarcating where the head of the penis and the shaft join. )all the way to wear a condom, just role it on you can practice this in your own time, if you have a huge chopper get bigger condoms.

2nd, Most guys when they pull back the prepuce / foreskin, will be sensitive this is normal

3rd If you have a tight foreskin you mostly likely have phimosis - see 5th

4th If you get circumcised the head of the penis will become less sensitive

5th Go to Doctor

onemanband

As the other folks have said, a GP will sort your physical side. Durex performa condoms will make sure you last as long as possible. If you then are struggling with staying hard, talk to your GP about Viagra. Don't waste the next 30 years of your sex life by doing nothing.

spurious

Please go to the doctor.
I feel terribly sad that you have had all those years worrying about this thing and the solution may be as simple as a small operation, if even that.

DublinWriter

Delta_Golf wrote:

The thought of any kind of operation or doctor touching it makes me freak out!

Dude, these guys have to deal with Barbie-Dolls stuck up guys back passages and people pushing pins and rusty nails down into their urthetras.

They'd be positively relieved to have as normal a problem as yours walk into their surgery - don't think you're anything special on that score!

Five minutes with a GP, a qualified and trained professional, vs. probably a lifetime of agony.

I think the choice is obvious.

Delta_Golf

Thanks guys,

How much does a trip to the doc cost these days? I haven't been in years!!! Also, is it likely to cost me much to have the operation done? I hope they knock you out for it.

Chucky the tree

Its 50 yoyo's for the GP. I dont know if your knocked out, a local might do the job.


However circumsion isnt always needed. I remeber a thread about this before in which they were other way to solve the problem. One might of been doing it in water. Or slowly moving it back a bit more each day, kind of loosen it up. Cant actually remeber. But do a google search for the subject. You might get some tips on how to do it without circumsision.

But i would still see a GP, he will know for definite. But i think you should also see one to recommend a therapist or something.

YOu have had sex before, so your definitly capable of it. It seems to be not only a phycisl problem but a mental one.

InFront

This is almost definitely just a simple case of phimosis. Its a textbook condition and as previously mentioned, circumcision is often not required, just a small painless op which may possibly be performed by your GP.

Some men revert to 'training back' their foreskin over a course of time in the shower (warm water makes it stretchy), but this can lead to paraphimosis, where the foreskin becomes trapped behind the head of the penis.

It is necessary that you get this seen to in the clinic. Not only will it completely change your sex life, but also minimise the risk of penile cancer which this condition has been linked to. So go to a GP next time you can, it will be the best thing youve ever done for John Thomas.

LegacyUser

I don't know if circumcision is needed mate. It'd be a shame for you to have to have that done when it's not necessary. I'm 19 now, but up until I was about 16 or 17, my foreskin was really tight, I couldn't pull it back or anything, and it was really upsetting. I considered going to a doctor too, and getting circumcised, and was pretty p*ssed (in my head) at my parents for not having me circumcised when I was a baby!

But because I'm a wuss, I decided not to go to the doctor, and just tried every every every day to pull my foreskin back more. Sometimes it would be kinda painful, sometimes it would just be uncomfortable, sometimes the foreskin would get 'caught' behind the head and I'd start getting agitated and frightened!!! It took a fair bit of doing that, and stretching the foreskin, seperating it with my fingers (hope I'm not being too graphic for the squeamish), and so on, but now my foreskin is fine! I can pull it back when I'm erect (something I couldn't even do when I was limp, a couple of years ago), although it sometimes still does get stuck back there if I've not started producing precum (dunno the medical term! but I usually do produce it, so it's not an issue).

Anyways, I just wouldn't rush into getting circumcised, it might not be necessary.

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=210347

Have a read of that. When I was worried about it, I was searching the internet very often to avoid having to get circumsized! I'm not sure if that's the exact site, but I found some message board with a post describing those stretches, and did them, and the problem is gone. Every time I had a shower I covered my foreskin in soap and did the stretches, pulling it apart, pulling it back, putting a finger or two in (again, graphic, lol).

It took determination, but it worked Good luck to you, hope you feel better about it!

LegacyUser

been there myself, my foreskin has been quite tight for years. i got around it by wearing condoms (extra safe not feather lite). it started to bother me a few months back that if i ever wanted children the condom solution would be mutally exclusive.
so i went to the doctor, explained the situation, he has grand to deal with (as someone said they're used to this kind of thing.)
he didnt recommend circumscion as a first option and perscibed a steroid cream which i have been applying twice a day.
ive been using it 3 months and have noticed a difference all right. im not 100% there but there is an improvement.
in fact i recently made love to my girlfriend without a condom (we wanted to see how the treatment was going for us). im delighted to say that after an initial moment of discomfort (which lasted only a few seconds - ) we were able to enjoy a lovely experience.

im definately getting there,i do find the head very sensitive when the skin is drawn back..anybody any ideas about that? does it calm down after a while.

to the OP , go to the doc, if you dont like the idea of a circumsiscion . there are alternatives.

one other point.. to the person who linked phimosis to penile cancer ...i found a lot of info on the web that dismisses this idea e.g.

http://www.cirp.org/library/disease/cancer/

Delta_Golf

nologin wrote:

Every time I had a shower I covered my foreskin in soap and did the stretches, pulling it apart, pulling it back, putting a finger or two in (again, graphic, lol).

I cringe when just reading stuff like this let alone doing it. "putting a finger or two in"...WTF??? in where?? I am not sure I want to hear this! :eek:

Delta_Golf

phimosis34 wrote:

been there myself, my foreskin has been quite tight for years. i got around it by wearing condoms (extra safe not feather lite).

Well you see I couldn't get a condom on as it pulled back the skin which led to alot of discomfort.

When I last had sex or attempted sex the skin pulled back over the head (not all the way but about half way) and then stayed there. It was a few hours before it came back to normal and this was uncomfortable as the head is senstive.

Delta_Golf

Also, from doing a bit of research on this I have come to realise that I need to do something about this not only to get my sex life back on track or even to start having one but also for reasons of personal hygiene.

This topic was never discussed with me by my family as a kid, thank god , and I never spoke about it. Also, in school I didn't learn anything about it. Hence my total ignorance.

I now realise that I don't clean there properly as the head isn't exposed enough to clean it properly and sorry to be graphic here but after taking a leak sometimes little dribbles of urine remain under the tip of the skin even after a shake if you get me! sorry!

But the thought of touching the exposed head to clean it makes be cross my legs tightly! :eek:

Ciaran500

What makes you cringe about touching yourself?

You seem to have a stigma attached to your penis that you really shouldn't have. There's nothing weird, unusual or wrong about it.

Delta_Golf

Ciaran500 wrote:

What makes you cringe about touching yourself?

You seem to have a stigma attached to your penis that you really shouldn't have. There's nothing weird, unusual or wrong about it.

No not touching my penis, touching the exposed head and the thought of circumcision etc

the Guru

Yeah the cleaning issue, you will have serious smeg problem, did you say you where nearly 30, you will need a blow torch to get that stuff off,

No more holding your hand get your ass to a doctor, splash out the 50 quid it will be the best money you have spent all year.