father of daughter -still have feelings for him

LegacyUser

hey all need some advice as to how to get over this..i was with this guy for abt a year and a half ..got pregnant n he left me...did not have any contact until recently he has agreed to come n see our daughter who is now 18mths ...the visits are ok maybe a little awkward between us conversation wise ..but fine.. im obviously delighted he has shown an interest and thought that was all i wanted but last week after he left i saw him chatting on the phone and got really jealous that it might be a girl and realised i still have feelings for him ..i know he does not have any for me and i need 2 get over this cos i dont want it 2 affect our relationship with our daughter as if he thinks i like him he may not visit again ..its shaky ground can anyone help me feel a bit low abt it

Magic Pips

correct me if i'm wrong...he left you when you were pregnant?? what a tosser! even if * TOUCHIN WOOD * i got a girl preg and didnt want to be with her, i'd stay around for my child??!!?

also as you said yourself, you dont want to complicate things for your child...

Dreamer 7

I know its hard and you will always have a connection with him because you carried his child, but darlin only a w*nker would walk out on you in your moment of need.
Say you did get something going again and for some reason you needed him.. and he f*cks off again on you. What do you tell ur baby girl?
Try to seperate the two things in your head, he is her dad but dont think of him as a possible boyf because unfortunately leopards rarely change their spots

onemanband

What a complete bollox. He derserves nothing for walking out on you both like that. IMO if you are finding it too hard to cope with him being around, reduce his visits to the bare minimum. I know you need to look after your daughters welfare and she should know her dad, but you need to look after yourself also. She will remember nothing of him at this young age.

If you are finding it too hard, make him keep his distance, hopefully you will find the man you deserve and he can be the real father your daughter deserves.

spurious

I don't think you 'really' have feelings for him.

You have feelings for your daughter, and he is obviously a part of her, but really, you know he is not worth it. The one good thing that came out of your relationship with him is your daughter.

Allow him see her, as you do not have the right to mess up her relationship with him - sounds like he'll probably do that himself, but give the guy a chance, maybe he won't.

Under no circumstances look for a relationship with him again - if only for your daughter's sake - do you really want her to have a Mum (who she adores and wants to be like) who lets herself be treated like that and goes back for more???? What sort of relationships will she look for herself when she is older - is that what you want for her??

Darragh29

onemanband wrote:

What a complete bollox. He derserves nothing for walking out on you both like that. IMO if you are finding it too hard to cope with him being around, reduce his visits to the bare minimum. I know you need to look after your daughters welfare and she should know her dad, but you need to look after yourself also. She will remember nothing of him at this young age.

If you are finding it too hard, make him keep his distance, hopefully you will find the man you deserve and he can be the real father your daughter deserves.

I dunno, I know a girl who was engaged and got pregnant and all was apparently fine with the relationship until she discovered she was pregnant, then he did a runner and has barely been seen since. She had to drag him to the family courts to get him to support her, when he found himself in court he said he was unemployed and could not contribute, but not before disputing paternity. Eventually when his fatherhood was beyond any doubt due to the judge forcing him to undergo a DNA test, he ran off to the US with his mates and still won't stand up to his ogligations. His baby daughter is so cute it is hard to believe how he can do this. The baby is growing up now and knows that her Dad is not around. I think in the current situation, the baby is quite young and it could be possible for the father to have an valuable input now and into the ffuture without the child being damaged emotionally when she gets older. I often wonder how my own friends child will cope in future years knowing that her father had no interest in her whatsoever. This must be hugely disturbing to a child or even to a teenager/young adult.

I can understand the view that a man (or woman for that matter), who does not support their child is a total and utter loser, but I think there could be grounds for an exception in this case, in how this person should be treated positively now, in light of the young age of his daughter, as opposed to keeping him away from the child and the child having many issues in the future because of this.

I think it's a case of better late than never. Someone who can be credited with having realised that they have made a serious mistake, I think should be given a second chance. I can't understand how someone can look at their baby child and not want to be a part of their life & upbringing, maybe this needs to be discussed with him in any event, so that the reasons for his absence to date can be fully understood...

Nevyn

I would say it is totally natural that when you see them together you could help but wonder what may have been and what might be and think about being a family together.
One of those daft biological things about seeing the father of our child tending to the child to warm your heart towards them.
This does not mean it is wise or pratical or pleasant or you should act on these feelings.

Yes the biological/nature will also make you feel that way about the other women in his life as nature wants to try keep a sucessful mated couple with offspring together to have more children and to try see those offspring protected and provided for.

Who knows what the future will bring but you need to know where these 'feelings' are coming from and guard against them.

What about your own life ?

If the father of your child is looking ad being a dad then when he takes her out for the day or for an over night what do you have in your life for yourself ?