No Spark anymore!

Strokesfan

I'm with someone the last two years or so - there have been high highs and low lows but somewhere along the way we lost our spark? As in I don't get anything exciting or that buzz buzz feeling being with him. Sometimes I don't even want to kiss him. Once that's gone, it's impossible to get back right? I don't want to be with someone I don't physically want to be with so we are breaking up (he knows this but he doesn't if you know what I mean). Has anyone had a similar experience?
I've been counting the pros and cons of being with him and it seems there are mostly cons and it isn't fair to either of us anyway but still am confused about what has happened - I used to want him.... can't understand
Do people stay together even if they don't like each other physically anymore?

eskimo

First I'll just say that I definitely think it's time for you two to break up.

There have been so many questions like this asked here before and I gotta just say people - if you need to even ask, then it's time to end it.

You're not attracted to this person, you don't feel a spark, you don't even wanna kiss him.... just one of those is enough to justify the two of you breaking up.

Honestly people, look, do you think you're gonna get a second chance at life or something? You're not. This is it! You get one shot at living and guess what, it doesn't even last very long.

Strokesfan, you're wasting your time with someone you don't even like. That's ridiculous, isn't it? (Although understandable, we've all done it.) It really is ridiculous. It's time to stop dragging each other down and holding each other back and let one another get on with living your lives. As I said, neither of you gets another chance at life, this is it. Stop wasting it.

Strokesfan

That's very to the point and a shove in the right direction I guess, thanks eskimo

eskimo

Definitely didn't mean to sound harsh or anything! But being held back, and holding someone else back, with undesireable relationships just hurts both of you.

Good luck with whatever you do! It'll all be grand.

seamus

Strokesfan wrote:

Do people stay together even if they don't like each other physically anymore?

Absolutely they do. It's a trap many people fall into. You find yourself very comfortable with this person, and no matter what you'd still consider them a good friend, but the idea of "mating" with this person isn't what you want.

Break up. Chances are you'll find he's known/suspected this for a long time, but like you was happy and comfortable being in a relationship. If you do it carefully, you can end up with a lifelong friend.

YeAh!

The most important thing really is to discuss all these feelings with him and to get his aspect on things too

LegacyUser

I find it fascinating that people expect the "spark" to continue on forever. It doesn't. Love changes form, and people become more "accustomed" to each other. It's the same reason that your parents aren't f*cking each other senseless every day like they did when they were 19.

You don't need a "spark" to be with someone. It's the thing that starts off relationships, but doesn't keep them going. You can love someone without having a spark. A lot of young people seem to base their relationships off it, and they should in the beginning, but growing older that feeling changes into something a bit more (for want of a better word) mature. Sure you can still have that great feeling when you see your loved one, but it's not the spark of the early years of the relationship.

Anyway I would suggest you break up with this person. Find someone else, if you want, because the more experience you have of this the better, assuming you untimately want the marriage/life partner lifestyle of most people.

keithclancy

Better to leave it go i recon, what if you meet someone that does generate that spark, you'll be between a rock and a hard place then.

dudara

The spark that makes you spend days in bed will wane a bit, but it should always exist in some form. If you feel that it has utterly died, then it is time to move on.

layke

Yep.

Long story short : she ended up cheating on me in the end.
I don't blame her though, we were living a lie through being together for so long.



End it now before things get really messy.

scojones

layke wrote:

Yep.

Long story short : she ended up cheating on me in the end.
I don't blame her though, we were living a lie through being together for so long.



End it now before things get really messy.

I agree. Was in a similar situation this time last year. We were living a lie, the spark had gone. She didn't feel the same anymore and we were more like friends.

It's a year on and I'm doing grand now. The first few months are the worst. I still miss her and her family and friends, but I'm able to live with it. You'll be fine.

Ruu_Old

If you feel that there is something left between both of you, its worth another try. Get away from things, take a holiday and maybe you will find that spark again. Good luck anyway.

CathyMoran

There is more to a relationship than the spark - I made that mistake. I think that you need to refind the something in your relationship that makes it special but it may not be the spark. The man that I really love does not have that spark and it has taken me years to realise that he is one for me. Feeling excited when you know that you are going to be seeing them or being totally transfixed when you get to look at them sleeping peacefully beside you is far more important.

trishh

Ruu wrote:

If you feel that there is something left between both of you, its worth another try. Get away from things, take a holiday and maybe you will find that spark again. Good luck anyway.

Yes, Agree with you Ruu, but maybe just a weekend away in a relaxing environment with good music/beaches/nightclubs... whatever you enjoyed doing together 2 years ago when ye met first.. just my suggestion. You may find that spark again.

Merle Haggard's song springs to mind (also sung by Ray Lynam):
"If We're Not Back In Love By Monday we can't say we didn't try.
Just before we bury our love, Let's make sure we've let it die.
Sleep a few more nights together, say the things we used to say
If We're Not Back In Love By Monday, we can go our separate ways."

Unregperson38 wrote:

I find it fascinating that people expect the "spark" to continue on forever. It doesn't. Love changes form, and people become more "accustomed" to each other. It's the same reason that your parents aren't f*cking each other senseless every day like they did when they were 19.

You don't need a "spark" to be with someone.

This I completely disagree with. One has to have some special bond/spark to be able to say one is "in love" and not just "loves". Just my humble opinion.
"Accustomed" only leads to "Groundhog Days". You have to work on a relationship the whole time. You have to be spontaneous sometimes. It just doesn't happen by itself.

LegacyUser

well one thing is that if love dont last, then really life is boring. its a reality. no wonder there are so many suicides.

Strokesfan

Well nobody will probably come back at this late stage to see the conclusion but we broke up and I already feel like I'm gettin back to myself, it is suffocating being in something when there is nothing really there, sad though like losing an old friend

KdjaCL

Strokesfan wrote:

sad though like losing an old friend

Odd that the old freind exists only when there is bedtime pleasure, when that ends the old friend isnt really a friend anymore, just someone you know.


Be glad you got out without having a reason to stay together that extends beyond 2 people. As someone above said their "mas and das arent at it" thats because of YOU!! If it wasnt for YOU they would more than likely not be together.


kdjac