A total opposite has me completely mental!

LegacyUser

Going unreged. Yes, I know this is high school level nonsense, but this board gives fascinating and good advice, so why not spill my guts about a harmless situation?

There's this chick who sits right in front of me in my College Math class. She's a friend of a kid I hang with infrequently, but she doesn't know we share the same friend or who I am. I really don't get the hots for many chicks (especially in my black hole of a college), but for some reason, the minute I saw her, I became utterly attracted to her. I have no bloody idea why the Hell I even fancy her! She's average looking, not a knockout, let alone my type. Her music and social interests are not even close to mine. She has her own dramas with her friends that I try to avoid and hate to hear about. My last relationship was about a year and half ago 100% for lack of trying. Maybe I'm just nearing the end of my man-alone rope and she has come along at a time when I'm kind of vulnerable.

This has train wreck written all over it whether I snag a date or not. Should I even bother? If so, what is the best way to go about making that important initial contact/introducing myself? She hasn't acknowledged me or given me any signs that even a moron like myself could pick up on. She just basically talks with friends or is stone silent before class and during class break (2 hr class, we get a 10 min break). I'm really crappy at introducing myself unless there is a magical comedic moment to capitalize on. It always feels weird for me to start talking to a stranger. I kinda feel like I'm infringing on them. Is something mundane like "what homework did he assign?" good enough? If all goes well and we establish friendly banter, how many days should I wait before asking this chick out? Mind you, this is a month long class that just ended its first week.

This all sounds rudimentary, but its been so long since I’ve even bothered with a girl that my skills and confidence have drifted a bit.

Black Swan

Hard to explain attraction sometimes. Most often we are attracted by someone's looks, and looks are so superficial and do not last long in life. It's what's inside that matters most, that is, if you are looking for something that might last and has meaning.

Do you take good notes? Maybe she misses a class and you offer to share? Met someone once like that.

Although you think you are very different, keep looking for something you may share in common, then engage her.

Differences are not always bad, if you remember what the French say about the opposite sex: Long live the difference!

LadyJ

Why don't you try getting your "infrequent" hanging buddy to introduce you? Or eat lunch with the two of them. Then say that the three of you should go for a drink.

If all goes to plan then next time it'll be acceptable to ask her out for a drink without the third wheel.

Who cares why you like her or that you have nothing in common? The fact is,you do like her so just take it easy and see how it plays out.

deaddonkey

I think it's cool that sometimes you go for someone completely "different"...

If you only ever fancied people who went to the same pubs and listened to the same music, it'd get pretty boring... That doesn't help anyone understand it, it's just how it is I guess.
Sorry I can't help with the getting started talking to her, but if you do and something clicks and you get along great with her, you'll be pretty glad you did.

for what it's worth, most of my mates are people i'm very different to in terms of musical taste and what i like doing in my spare time, but I like them and that's why they're my mates...

just my two cents, as they say.

athena 2000

Stone Bachelor wrote:

There's this chick who sits right in front of me in my College Math class. .... for some reason, the minute I saw her, I became utterly attracted to her. I have no bloody idea why the Hell I even fancy her!

Methinks it must be highly compatible pheromones!

Stone Bachelor wrote:

Maybe I'm just nearing the end of my man-alone rope ....

I'm stealing this phrase.

LadyJ wrote:

Why don't you try getting your "infrequent" hanging buddy to introduce you? Or eat lunch with the two of them.

I agree with LadyJ. This is simple, logical, and doesn't have to be forced. It could flow naturally and you can decide any moves from there.

Mickah

This all sounds rudimentary, but its been so long since I’ve even bothered with a girl that my skills and confidence have drifted a bit

Definitely bother! You'll regret it otherwise.

I was in the same situation after splitting with my bird. I really had to burn through some crappy lines and walk-offs before realising that just being yourself works.

Try giving her the eyes with a few smiles attached (brief and friendly). Later on in the day, try and walk out the door with her and pass a comment on something or someone just to get **** started. Leave it at that if she's a bit embarrassed or shy, leave with a smile. Now at least she knows you're interested.

Try again the next day, you should know from then on. You'll always feel better either having been burned or getting in there then you would if you never tried.

You'll never know unless you go!

Dermington

LadyJ wrote:

Why don't you try getting your "infrequent" hanging buddy to introduce you? Or eat lunch with the two of them. Then say that the three of you should go for a drink.

If all goes to plan then next time it'll be acceptable to ask her out for a drink without the third wheel.

I would be apprehensive being introduced to her as the other guys friend. Just go solo and approach her about it straight up or try to make contact with her on your own. the more people involved the more complicated it gets...

Good luck.

Dreamer 7

when i was in college we all drank in the same pub... does your colleg have a local where everyone hangs out? Any balls coming up ( no pun intended i mean rag ball or fresher ball etc!) Is she a member of any clubs of societys(spell?) that you culd join??
Otherwise just try to catch her eye and hold the look for a few seconds, this is the easiest way that a gal can tell that a guy has interst in her.
As for her being different from your normal type... a change is as good as a rest, different strokes for different folks. Sure give it a lash , you might learn something!

LegacyUser

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

It's what's inside that matters most, that is, if you are looking for something that might last and has meaning.

Do you take good notes? Maybe she misses a class and you offer to share? Met someone once like that.

Although you think you are very different, keep looking for something you may share in common, then engage her.

What’s odd about this whole situation is the fact that I’m always superficial about looks and such (I’m honest about my flaws!). I’m still trying to get my psyche in order. I keep going back and forth between pursuing this and not. I guess its the fear working on my nerves

She likes Black Sabbath, so I’ll keep that in mind when I’m fishing around for common ground or just as a device to keep her talking instead of me. I think its better for the guy to listen and for the girl to burn up most of the conversation. It prevents me from making some kind of off color joke that will blow the deal.

LadyJ wrote:

Why don't you try getting your "infrequent" hanging buddy to introduce you? Or eat lunch with the two of them. Then say that the three of you should go for a drink.

Dermington wrote:

I would be apprehensive being introduced to her as the other guys friend. Just go solo and approach her about it straight up or try to make contact with her on your own. the more people involved the more complicated it gets...

Good luck.

I agree with Dermington that directly involving my friend isn't a good idea because friends usually spoil the deal. It looks better on my part to come out with all guns blazing instead of the friend of a friend. What I did do, though, is get information about her from my friend nonchalantly in order to better figure out how to engage her in a conversation. An interesting bit of info that he provided was that she doesn’t like the preppy look. I’m kinda working a hybrid of rocker and prep, so I’m not sure where that leaves me. She also doesn’t have a boy friend, so that at least leaves me with one less obstacle.

athena 2000 wrote:

Methinks it must be highly compatible pheromones!

I'm stealing this phrase.

Either that or the tank tops and constant stretching!

athena 2000 wrote:

I'm stealing this phrase.

LOL!

Dreamer 7 wrote:

when i was in college we all drank in the same pub... does your colleg have a local where everyone hangs out? Any balls coming up ( no pun intended i mean rag ball or fresher ball etc!) Is she a member of any clubs of societys(spell?) that you culd join??
Otherwise just try to catch her eye and hold the look for a few seconds, this is the easiest way that a gal can tell that a guy has interst in her.
As for her being different from your normal type... a change is as good as a rest, different strokes for different folks. Sure give it a lash , you might learn something!

Nah, my college is a black hole so usually people either go to the lunch room or just go home. My school pulls people from far and wide. Her town is 30 miles away from mine, so this class is my only shot to converse with her.

I held a stare/gaze/lazy eye/whatever with her when she was handing me the attendance sheet. It lasted about 3 to 5 seconds. I doubt it means anything because that was the lone eye contact made last week. Obviously there is an uphill battle to get her interested in me.

Mickah wrote:

try and walk out the door with her and pass a comment on something or someone just to get **** started. Leave it at that if she's a bit embarrassed or shy, leave with a smile. Now at least she knows you're interested.

Try again the next day, you should know from then on. You'll always feel better either having been burned or getting in there then you would if you never tried.

You'll never know unless you go!

I'll definitely try this. She hates this teacher, so a friendly joke about him might get the ball rolling.

Definitely an uphill battle and a possibly train wreck on the horizon. Hopefully I’ll have something rolling by Tuesday.

Thanks everyone for the advice and any further advice.

athena 2000

Stone Bachelor wrote:

Either that or the tank tops and constant stretching!

See!? Dispersing pheromones by stretching right in front of you. You're a sitting duck! Not really. It's the tank tops.

Stone Bachelor wrote:

I held a stare/gaze/lazy eye/whatever with her when she was handing me the attendance sheet. It lasted about 3 to 5 seconds. I doubt it means anything because that was the lone eye contact made last week. Obviously there is an uphill battle to get her interested in me.

Attach a smile to your face when holding those stares or she's going to think you've seen a Gorgon. But then, you're calling yourself 'Stone Bachelor'! Three to five seconds is a long time.

Stone Bachelor wrote:

I'll definitely try this. She hates this teacher, so a friendly joke about him might get the ball rolling.

Definitely an uphill battle and a possibly train wreck on the horizon. Hopefully I’ll have something rolling by Tuesday.

Thanks everyone for the advice and any further advice.

It's hard not to want to look at a trainwreck, so keep us updated.
Good luck!