Am I paranoid?

LegacyUser

Right am going unregistered for this one.

I need some help. Atm I am with the most wonderful girl I could ever imagine being with. Before I knew her we were both very slutty. Yes equally.
The thing is I'm a jelous bastard to be plain honest.
It annoys me when I think about the other fella's she's had sex with. i know you could say just not to think about it.....but I can't stop thinking about it.
The thing that annoys me is while I was off having sex with people my age she was doing it with guys a lot older. They were all in their 20's.
A couple of her ex's keep texting her. One that really annoys me is a guy she was with, who cheated on her, she took him back and he cheated on her again, and he was texting her asking her for a 3-some. Obviously she said no, but continued to text him.
She only stopped when I made it clear it was bothering me.
Now today I was on her comp and a very old ex sent her a message on MSN. She was with him a year and a half ago, but was very close, she said she thought she loved him, lost her virginity to him, and only ended it with him because he moved to Brazil (and he is quite older than her again).
He sent her a message today sayin:

Ex wrote:

Hey my love,
I miss you so much

This really pissed me off. We got into a huge fight about it. She thinks I have nothing to be worried about. But he's coming over at Christmas. I'm texting her atm and I said is he so close you'd let him come between me and her, and she said she will be meeting him. Now she just said she doesn't want to text me anymore.
I just feel I don't mean anything to her.

Dreamer 7

You are driving her away. If you cant trust her to meet him then you have big problems in ur relationship. i live with a jealous man and believe me it will come between you time and time again. Put your trust in her as she has in you. Until she gives you reason not to trust her its the least you can do!

LegacyUser

I do trust her. I quess I;m scared of losing her. I'm scared that she will meet this guy and remember the feelings she had for him.

What about her being really close and pally with all her ex's?

Velvet Vocals

All you can do is try to trust her! It does sound like she hasn't completly let go of this other older guy but don't push her closer to him by getting possive! Back off a little and see how things go!

mikedragon32

I don't think you're in a very healthy relationship if you can't trust her and proceed to have this kind of discussion via sms rather than in person.

You need to be able to be cool with her seeing this guy. She might just need closure, and meeting him affords her the opportunity. Better you agree than her doing it behind your back. You'd be even more hurt then.

If you can't do that, your relationship is basically screwed anyway

Final thought: Did you just stumble across this message from the ex or did you go looking for it?

doubtful

doubtful wrote:

I do trust her. I quess I;m scared of losing her. I'm scared that she will meet this guy and remember the feelings she had for him.

What about her being really close and pally with all her ex's?

I'm close and pally with mine and I have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever.

LegacyUser

mikedragon32 wrote:

I don't think you're in a very healthy relationship if you can't trust her and proceed to have this kind of discussion via sms rather than in person.

You need to be able to be cool with her seeing this guy. She might just need closure, and meeting him affords her the opportunity. Better you agree than her doing it behind your back. You'd be even more hurt then.

If you can't do that, your relationship is basically screwed anyway

Final thought: Did you just stumble across this message from the ex or did you go looking for it?

No I was checking my emails on her comp and MSN logged in and he just sent it to her there and then.

bluewolf wrote:

I'm close and pally with mine and I have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever.

Yeah but the difference with this one is that she used to love him, lost her virginity to him and only ended it because he was leaving.

LegacyUser

And as I have said I do love her to bits and she means the world to me and can see us being together for ever, and she say's this too.

DOLEMAN

Stop being unreasonable about her slutty past. You can't change it and it's none of your business. You have to just accept it and move on. End of story.

The ex... I can understand you being a little uncomfortable, but you shouldn't be going mad. My girlfriend meets her ex (of 7 years!) sometimes but I accept it as it's reasonable to still be in contact with ex's. Of course, I'd rather she was a virgin when I met her and her ex's lived on Mars, but that's not how the world works.

At the end of the day it's really about trust and being reasonable. And she can't control what messages her ex's send her...

The problem is mostly at your end so just figure out a way to deal with it!

Ag marbh

DOLEMAN wrote:

I'd rather she was a virgin when I met her and her ex's lived on Mars, but that's not how the world works.

lol this is it really

McGinty

I'm not sure if your having a problem with her sexual past, or whether it is the age of the men, you mention this several times, but the fact she is contact with some of her exs. I must say personally I would feel threatened as you do, we all feel these feelings its whether we act upon them is the main thing. In the past I used to whinge and have a go at the said boyfriend, nowadays I take a more philosophical approach, I ask myself can I accept love in all its guises, that is the good and the bad? I'm realising the answer is yes. It is possible your girlfriend may want to go back with her ex, or with somoene else. Love does not give guarantees, the only advice I can offer is enjoy every single moment you have with her now, try to let go of what may happen, or what has happened, you can do nothing about either. I've made foolish mistakes in the past, I didn't allow myself to enjoy the moments I had with my ex-boyfriends, instead I fretted about what could happen, and guess what, my fears became realised. Life has a habit of doing that, let go of the fears, enjoy your girlfriend NOW, let tomorrow take care of itself. If she strays there is nothing you can do about it, deal with it IF IT HAPPENS, best of luck.