Advice required: bizarre situation involving 2 girls (they are flatmates)

LegacyUser

going unreg'd for this

where to start? my workplace is big, about 1,000 people there on and off, a few months back I met this girl at work I liked a lot, we were in the same dept for a while and one day ended up in canteen, just the 2 of us, having the craic at lunch and I always intended to ask her out after that but was distracted by a very short term relationship I was in at the time and also by the potential awkwardness of asking someone out who works in the same department

anyway, I got moved recently and am not at the main place of work so in the past few weeks I had been planning to drop in and ask her out but been busy and didn't get around to it but still very keen because she's a great girl and I thought it could go places

then last weekend I was out on the complete piss, sunny weather and all that, at the end of the night I met a girl in a club, who also happens to work in the same place but I didn't know her too well from that, anyway,to put a long story short we kissed, I went home with her, it didn't go all the way or anything, relatively innocent stuff, seems like a very nice girl and I was thinking, well, maybe potential here, had a grand chat with her the next morning, sober and all, a good laugh, got her number
she did stress that she is going away travelling in a few months and said "don't fall in love with me or anything" (very sarcastically, it was funny at the time)

anyway, since then I texted her and she replied fairly quickly, seems keen enough

the thing is, i found out that the above 2 girls ie. the first girl that I had been meaning to ask out and almost did a few days back, and the 2nd girl the one I kissed the other night are flat mates!

what are the chances?!?

I don't know what to do next

do I dismiss the girl I kissed, play it super cool with her and not be an asshole if possible and then when she goes away travelling try and make the moves on the original girl?

or would the original girl ever consider going with someone who had been with her flatmate once (when both drunk and thankfully now in hindsight didn't go all the way)....?

should I talk to the original intended girl and say what I am/was feeling or planning and that somehow I ended up drunkenly with her flat mate

or maybe see what happens with the girl I kissed cos, well, who knows where it would go? she actually is very nice, and if it wasn't for who she lives with I would seriously consider giving it a go (well at least meeting her again) but if doing that would jeopardise anything potentially with the original girl well then I'd not be so sure

but would I drive myself mad all the time wondering if I should have been with her flat mate originally? and then if she does go away where would I be?


this is all very confusing, if anyone could follow it fair play to ye, would appreciate any suggestions!
and also, the ball is in my court text-wise with the girl I kissed the other night (d'oh!)

daRobot

My advice to you would be to meet up with the girl you stayed over with and shag her WELL.Make her your new "Shag-buddy".Keep it casual and lots of fun.

Girls talk, and if you play it properly, you should have it set up nicely with the other one you were going to ask out, as you can build up the whole friendship element more when you're over there, and once the other one goes away......Bingo.The 'ask out' one will know by then that your a good laugh and a decent lay.Ask her out for a drink as friends, and take it from there.

Play it right and you can have both.

DOLEMAN

daRobot that's the worst advice I've ever seen here

OP, difficult situation! Does the first girl know you were with the second girl? If not, drop her now and you might be able to salvage things...

shinners007

stick with the second girl call round etc make friends with the first girl.then then when the 2nd girl leaves if its ment to be something will happen with the first girl.

flatmates talk you can be sure girl number 2 has told girl number about the texts etc..
play it cool give girl number 2 the chance have fun till she heads off and you'd never know girl number may be into and there would be nothing in ye'r way as the other girl would be gone!!!!

Susannahmia

daRobot wrote:

My advice to you would be to meet up with the girl you stayed over with and shag her WELL.Make her your new "Shag-buddy".Keep it casual and lots of fun.

Girls talk, and if you play it properly, you should have it set up nicely with the other one you were going to ask out, as you can build up the whole friendship element more when you're over there, and once the other one goes away......Bingo.The 'ask out' one will know by then that your a good laugh and a decent lay.Ask her out for a drink as friends, and take it from there.

Play it right and you can have both.

daRobot wrote:

Thats the worst advice ever!! Anything you do with her flatmate will reflect on you.You need to treat the other girl with total respect or the girl you like will rule you out as shel think your unsincere and untrustworthy. You still have a very slim chance with this girl.It all depends on how the girl you were with feels about you. Girls may be bitchy but we are loyal. You will have to play it very slow and very tactfully . Get on friend terms with the girl you were with but make it clear you just want to be friends. If you think shed be ok with it you might even consider asking her for her blessing to go for the other girl this would be the best go ahed for the ask out girl.

20 Times 20 Times

Take the chance on the first girl you know you want to, I'd say she would find the whole thing very funny if you get talking to her to explain the situation. You will always wonder what might of been if you dont

OmegaRed

daRobot wrote:

Play it right and you can have both.

I like the way you think but i dout it'll work! Id have to agree with DOLEMAN!

You are not gonna get both, would be nice, but wont happen so erase it from your mind. It really depends on which one you want more. The 2nd one that you went home with is going away so that may aswell be put in the crapper, but maybe you can salvage things with the first one. And you can use the excuse "I didn’t know she was your flat mate" if it ever comes up, as its the truth and you didn’t!

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the suggestions

daRobot wrote:

Play it right and you can have both.

I love your attitude but don't think I could pull it off!

DOLEMAN wrote:

OP, difficult situation! Does the first girl know you were with the second girl? If not, drop her now and you might be able to salvage things...

after I sent the initial text to Girl 2 she replied with a text along the lines of

"Was just chattin to flatmate (girl 1) about my night the other night. she is giving me awful hassle. she (girl 1) wants to know did you work in such and such dept a few months back....bla blah blah" (/end of text)

so this was when the penny dropped who her flatmate was (ie that it was girl 1)! I was a bit gutted after I received this text but replied "oh is that (insert name) who works in (insert name of dept)?" and sure enough it was so confirming that the 2 were flatmates and both knew exactly who I was. d'oh!

anyway, it's my turn to text, I didn't reply yet to her last one which she sent at midnight the night before last ( was asleep), still haven't a clue what to do but will think of something. Am actually ridiculously busy for the next week or 2. there is also the looming likeliehood that I will be back in the main workplace in a month or so!

I suppose, at what point would a girl's friend say/decide that they would never be with their friend's (or even flatmate's) guy/bf?...after 2 dates?. am still in with a shout after just 1 drunken encounter I think of being with the other girl at some point but obviously not in the very future

LegacyUser

OP again

still haven't resolved this one

was chatting to my friend about this and he reminded me of the Seinfeld episode "The Switch" when Jerry wants to change his allegiances from one flat mate to another

here's a quote:

"JERRY: Can't be done, huh?

GEORGE: The Switch?

JERRY: "The Switch."

GEORGE: Can't be done.

JERRY: I wonder.

GEORGE: Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!

JERRY: They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages.

GEORGE: Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200--somewhere--there were two women living together.

JERRY: The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get on board and we can get to work! Now what's it going to be?

GEORGE: All right, dammit, I'm in.

JERRY: I couldn't do it without you.

GEORGE: All right. Let's get to work."


back to my own situation, the girl I was with was texting me the other night, she might have had a few drinks on her, asked me to call over that night (it was 11pm!) *sharp intake of breath* as it was I was up half the night preparing something for work the next day so wouldn't have been able to go anyway

right now am thinking I'll try and bide my time, wait til I'm back in the main workplace next month, then suss out the original intended girl (and also, I don't know if she's single either!) and take things from there, whichever way

anyone ever managed to pull off the "Switch"........?

dubrichie

howdy folks,

to the poster,

dude, get stuck in there.

bop the one whose goin away in a few months on the sly for a while then go hammer and tongs at her flatmate when she's gone.

life's too short,

don't let the bastards get you down,

etc.

capice?

regards,

richie.

Zebra3

OP,

As Joey said to Ross in Friends:"I've got two words for you. Three some."

Seriously man, go for it!!!

Have some fun!!!!

caesar

OP you're in a tricky situation and I think its hard for anyone to give you the right advice. From what I've read it seems that you want something more than a bit of fun from this, whoever you choose and if that is what you want a threesome isn't the way to go. I think thats fairly obvious. What ever you do, don't screw them around.Thats the best advice I can give. Good luck

Femelade

be nice to the girl you were with, reply to her txts but no too quickly...but dont make her think you want a relationship either, i know that would be hard, but if youplay too cool with her, and not reply to her txts etc..who do you thinhk she will be tellin about the b*astard who led her on....yeah, got it in 1.

be careful
bide your time
dont kiss your wan anymore

and just wait...till she leaves.

Velvet Vocals

My vote is that your done! Sorry! But there's no way your in there with girl number 1 - Like George says... it can't be done!
Firstly you have to know that girl number 2 will have told girl number 1 all about you if they are anyway close. So if she likes you it'll be all good and girl number 1 wont consider going near you and if she doesn't like you (but it sure sounds like she does) it'll be all bad and girl number 1 wont consider going near you.
The only way that you have even a tiny chance is to tell girl number 1 the truth of the story.... that way you'll be telling her how much you like her and that you liked her before you even met girl number 2 which might apeal to her..... but it's your only way in as far as I can see!

Good luck!:)

LegacyUser

thanks for the suggestions

it's true, no one can really tell me what to do, it's all up to me

and Saint Something, I have a feeling you're right (as is George!)

have been taking Femmy's advice, replying to the texts but not being overly eager/keen (although exchanging several tetxs around midnight on a Saturday night might be suggesting something, even though both of us were in our respective homes and sober)

the thing is, if I had just met this girl 2 randomly and there was no other girl 1, I would definitely have tried to meet up with her by now, so I am holding back big time, and there is a very fine line between holding back and just being an ignorant bollocks (and I'm not sure right now which side of this line I'm tiptoeing along)

the key thing is, my next move will decide everything, whichever of them I meet, won't be possible to meet either until the w/end or early next week so will probably play up the whole"reallybusy & am in ork/Galway/Limerick for a few days line"(I will be), then try and bump into girl 1 at the old workplace next Mon or Tue (that'l be very difficult to swing btw!) suss out the story, including if she's single and potentially interested (this part will be a piece of cake I'm sure,not!)

anyway, it's getting to that part of the night where I usually text herself (Girl 2) *rolls eyes*

LegacyUser

OP here,

posted a reply to all the replies yesterday night but it hasn't come up yet, has it not gotten through the Mod vetting process or is it lost..or was it inappropriate.?

Victor

Apologies, it had moved onto the second or third page and wasn't spotted immediately.

secret_squirrel

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the house/bush/whatever.

Basically you'd be a fool not to see what could happen with the Texter, if only for the fact that it could be a bit of no strings fun until she leaves. But importantly treat her like a queen so that you finish on good terms.

The fact is you dont even know that you have a chance with the first one. How sick will you be if she turns you down and you have already blown your chances with the 2nd one?

Also forget all this 'until I get back to the main office' crap. Its just an excuse to hesitate.

If you hesistate you will quite possibly lose both.

If you are really that hung up over the first you need to grab a coffee with her ASAP and under the guise of asking her is she is comfortable with the situation see if you can figure out how she feels about it, who knows she might come out and say she wishes it was her getting your attentions.

Zillah

The second girl clearly doesn't want a relationship AND she's going away. Explain everything you just told us to her. She should be ok with it if you do it right. Then ask out girl number one.

LegacyUser

secret_squirrel wrote:

If you hesistate you will quite possibly lose both.

this is true and is probably what will happen

secret_squirrel wrote:

If you are really that hung up over the first you need to grab a coffee with her ASAP and under the guise of asking her is she is comfortable with the situation see if you can figure out how she feels about it, who knows she might come out and say she wishes it was her getting your attentions.

this is what I will try to do, will swing by work either Saturday or Monday, see is she there and see if I can suss out the story, in meantime I have to leave Dublin for a few days so not in a position to do anything (apart from send the odd innocuous text)
will let ye know what happens.....

(and there are worse problems to have!)

Magic Pips

heres the way i read your input OP... you want girl #1

so take femmys advice, hold off, hold onto hope... cos u want girl #1

if you just want fun, then shag the hell out of #2 and forget about #1 (chances of hooking up after shaggin her mate are slim - none)

Best time to get truth out of yerself is when your balls are empty... tonight after servicing yerself ask yerself who/what you want.

Femelade

indisbelief wrote:

anyway, it's getting to that part of the night where I usually text herself (Girl 2) *rolls eyes*

dude! , dont txt her first. That says "i'm interested".
which your not.

secret_squirrel

Magic Pips wrote:

Best time to get truth out of yerself is when your balls are empty... tonight after servicing yerself ask yerself who/what you want.

That my friend was a pearl of wisdom we could have all done without.

DublinWriter

indisbelief wrote:

this is all very confusing, if anyone could follow it fair play to ye, would appreciate any suggestions!
and also, the ball is in my court text-wise with the girl I kissed the other night (d'oh!)

Was in a similar situation to this myself a zillion years ago.

Important things to remember is that girlie-flat mates tell each other *EVERYTHING*.

Pick your strongest bet and go for it. Don't try and play them both at the same time.

vorbis

go with girl 2. She's seems up for it. Have a good time and when she leaves see what the situation is then with girl 2. Remember they're no longer flatmates at that point! If you work it right, girl 1 might even get jealous.

LegacyUser

OP again

have further complicated this one (well, slightly)

went into work on Saturday on the off chance that girl #1 was working but she wasn't but I happened to notice a list of peoples contact numbers and her mobile number was there so now I have that (but not used it yet and calling her out of the blue might freak her out a bit, especially if she was in the company of her flat-mate!)

then later on on Saturday (I'll preface this by saying I need to give up the beer!) was out meeting a friend who was just over from England for the weekend, he had been drinking since 2pm when I met him at 9pm so I felt a bit of catch up drinking was in order and managed to catch up more than adequately

then girl #2 starts texting me, she was out at a dinner, "you out?" etc. I was replying very slowly and ambiguously but did tell her where I was
my text was along the lines
"In x pub at moment. No idea where to next if not home"

than she rang me (this was after 2am now) and she was outside on her way home and I went out and one thing led to another and I went home with her again.
Ok so to clarify here, it was again relatively innocent (even very drunk I was bearing in mind the whole situation and didn't want to complicate things and also I'm pretty sure she's not just after casual whatever but you never know sometimes, anyway not the other night)

the upshot?

well, next morning she was a bit mortified that she had drunkenly rang me etc, it was all fairly relaxed, it also turns out that she's probably on the rebound (she ended an 18 month relationship 1 month ago) as well as going away travelling for a year ( 2 reasons not to pursue this)

I didn't bump into girl #1 either (thank God), the only new thing I know is that she thinks I'm "good craic" according to her flatmate

and sorry if I've disappointed all who urged me to "go for it, have the fun with the texter",
tbh I don't think she's that kind of girl, and also on the rebound, it'd probably be a bad idea!

right now am going to sit tight, not text, I don't think I'll be with girl #2 again, and see what happens with everything

LegacyUser

OP back again

just in case anyone is vaguely interested in what happened


well, was out last night and met girl #1 in the pub for the first time in ages (and since all this), chatting away and it was going really well, then her flat mate (girl #2) showed up and was seeming fairly keen, I was holding back though

anyway, later on I managed to talk to girl #1 on her own and I told her exactly how I was feeling, that I had intended to ask her out originally etc. and now it was all weird and she said that she had hoped that I would ask her out and was really pissed off when she heard I had been with her flat-mate!

I wouldn't say they are that close, they haven't been flatmates for that long

one minor/major problem, girl #1 is also going travelling in a few months, not for the full year but for long enough anyway

for now, she knows I have her number and would be expecting me to use it, dunno how the hell I'm going to go about this but sure, it's what it's all about!

Sleepy

Just text Girl No 1 and see how you get on...

tman

aye, gopher it man:)

cooperguy

Definatly text girl#1.