Boyfriend

LegacyUser

OK so I have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 years now. He cheated on me before with a girl one night when he was drunk, it was at the start of our relationship and at that point we werent that serious, although I was still hurt I forgave him. Things have been great ever since then, we love each other loads and really get along together on all levels.

The other night he never came home after being out and I asked him about it the next evening. I asked him if he cheated on me and he said no, he didnt, but he wanted to be with someone.

He said he was a wimp and that I'd be better off without him. I was totally shocked so I said "why are you telling me this? do you want me to break up with you so you can be with her?" and he said no. I've no idea who the girl is, or what happened to initiate his wanting to be with her. I asked him did anything at all happen and he said no. I havent spoken to him since then and he said we will talk tonight about it. what do you think I should do, talk about it and try to get whats going on or just say no and end it now?

I honestly dont want to end it as other than this we have a really loving relationship and I think that I'll be able to overlook this in the future, I do respect him for saying what he was feeling rather than pretending oterwise. But at the same time I cant get my head around my boyfriend telling me he wanted to be with someone else that night.

Can he be trusted????

Webmonkey

Looks to be that he wants to be dumped, but not because of cheating if you know what i mean.

LegacyUser

So he wants me to dump him.. so then he can go off guilt free and not looking like the bad guy for dumping me?

Red Alert

I take it you mean cheating as opposed to being with his mate or whatever if there was a problem.

Move on i'm afraid.

Zombrex

????/ wrote:

But at the same time I cant get my head around my boyfriend telling me he wanted to be with someone else that night.

He wants you to break up with him so he doesn't have to feel guilty about breaking up with you, or he is laying the ground work for breaking up with, or at least cheating on, you.

Well thats my reading from the limited info available.

Ruu_Old

Its looking like you are the only one wanting this relationship. I think its time you finished it and let him go on his way. You must have known something was going on if you just asked him out of the blue like that, what happened?

LegacyUser

Hey there, I feel for you, I'm having similar problems on another thread here. Its awful for you, but from what you've said it just does look like he wants you to break up with him so he doesn't feel guilty if he breaks up with you. He was right when he said he's a wimp.

It seems like he is insecure and looking for an ego boost by having this other girl atracted to him and you loving him. I'm sorry to say but it does seem to be best option if you just leave him to it. Do you live together? If not then maybe don't bother ringing him or talking to him for a while and try to figure out what you want going on what he's just told you it looks like he could be confused himself. And you deserve to be with a guy who only has eyes for you.

Metacortex

From you're account of things it looks like he wants you to end it so he doesn't have to feel guilty about going off with this other girl.
Sonds like a sorry situation and you deserve someone who won't treat you like that. Maybe you would be better off in the long run if you two took a break.

fuzzywiggle

After 4 years together you have to ask your bf if he's cheated on you when he's been out on his own? Where's the trust? No trust, no relationship in my opinion. Why would you want to be with some one you couldn't trust. And now he's sayin he wanted to be with someone else? Let him go. Do not let yourself be treated like sh*t. If you were to get back together what would you be thinking when he wasnt with you? When he's out with the lads or whatever? You wouldn't have any peace.

Dors1976

I was in a very similar relationship and I dumped him 4 years ago. We eventually stopped communication and sex 2 years later. He's since got married and is expecting a baby with his wife but every so often he texts me. I think you're Bf is like my ex and will never be happy. Best get rid, it'll be worth it in the end and you'll won't be made out to be the fool anymore.:)

LegacyUser

Thanks a millions for all your advice, its really sound advice and confirms what I was thinking in my 2nd post saying that I thought he wants me to break up with him so he doesnt have to be seen as the bad guy.

All of what you're saying is logical and totally true, and if this was one of my friends in the situation Id easily tell them to get rid of him as well. Unfortunatley, when you're so involved in a relationship you sometimes cant see what is glaringly obvious to others..

I will talk to him tonight and hopefully I'll be strong enough to do what I know for sure is the right thing to do..

I'll keep you guys posted and thanks again

Dors1976

Best of luck.:) I know it doesn't seem like it now but it'll be worth it in the end! Promise.

LegacyUser

Yes, Good luck hun. It's difficult to make a decision or see whats the best thing to do in these situations and its really good to get advice and other opinions. I hope you are happy soon, good luck with tonight't talk

uncle ernie

Webmonkey wrote:

Looks to be that he wants to be dumped, but not because of cheating if you know what i mean.

yeah its like suicide by cop...

RoyalMarine

agree with all of the above. i was the same except im a bloke nd she wanted something else..
sorry to say it, but it seems like he is bored and wants something else.
having been dumped he would then be able to play the "victim" role.
it can be dangerous to be in your postition. cos it can hurt you a lot if he tells people that you dumped him.

jimmycrackcorm

People make mistakes at times. A little tolerance goes a long way.