How to make friends?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am a long time poster and wanted to go unreg for this.

Just broke up with the ex and I have realised that all my friends are his. I am a type of person who finds it hard to make friends and I am in a workplace where I am the youngest @ 28. The next up to me is around 39ish..

My question is how do you make friends and where??
I live in central Dublin and I have been looking around for sports clubs which I would be interested in but cant see anything..

The friends that I have at the moment are great but they all have their own lives and they themselves have loads of friends. They are all very out going and I would love to be like them.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Has anyone got any tips or any advice?

Orlee

Is there anything that you are specifically passionate about? What kind of stuff are you into? Music, Sports, Films, Books, Cars, Fashion??? Maybe a class, not like basket weaving or anything but something like yoga or kick boxing?
What about your family - Are they close by?

Zombrex

v lonely wrote:

Has anyone got any tips or any advice?

All I can say is that it takes time. You need to meet a load of people until you meet a few that you really click with. Be careful not to come on too strong, but at the same time don't be thinking you have nothing to offer in friendship. And also, when you are feeling a bit down everyone else seems to be having so much more fun that you. Often that isn't the case

I would recommend you join a sports team. I would recommend Softball, its a bit more laid back than something like soccer or gaa and you meet a wide range of different people.

www.softball.ie will help you find a team in your area, give the captain of a local team an email and see about coming along to a match or training session. I can give you some more advice with regard to softball over PM if you want explore it more.

DubNside

Building up your own confidence and learning to stand up for yourself will take time, its only natural.
Dont try so hard, just learn to be your own (confident)individual and people will notice.

And sure if you work in a place full of oldies, maybe you could change jobs?

So looking on the brightside, this could be the start of a new chapter in your life!

The_Conductor

It can be a bitch, particularly when relationships go askew. You probably didn't even realise at the time consciously that your *friends* were actually his. I know what you mean about work colleagues being so much older than you, I'm 32 where I work the next youngest is 45.

There are a number of gyms in the city centre- Jackie Skelly are just off Grafton Street for example- I am not sure if they are where you'd find friends though?

If you go to one of the local libraries, local clubs and societies often advertise on their notice boards- you might get a few ideas of things that might interest you. The library in the Ilac centre is particularly good.

meowCat

You could try the internet. I know, I know, sounds desperate and there's still sort of a stigmata attached. But hey, many people do it! They generally just don't admit it!! Try out gumtree. They have a friends only section there.

Good luck.

AngryAnderson

Tell everyone you're a ninja. Everyone respects ninjas. Or maybe that's fear, I don't know. Sorry I can't really be much more help. I don't really have any friends myself so it's kind of difficult to give any decent advice.

LegacyUser

Orlee wrote:

Is there anything that you are specifically passionate about? What kind of stuff are you into? Music, Sports, Films, Books, Cars, Fashion??? Maybe a class, not like basket weaving or anything but something like yoga or kick boxing?
What about your family - Are they close by?

I have tried kickboxing before but i didnt find that a good place to make friends..

Do people actually make friends in those diffenet classes above??

Now that the summer months are in I dont want to waste them, I really want to make the most of the weather, the summer and really enjoy life for once instead of taking a back seat and watching others enjoy.

I'm going to check out those websites and have a look and I will check out what type of classes are being held over the summer.. As I said I just want to enjoy life, I'm not after another relationship or anything.

Static M.e.

You are absolutly right Ninjas are a force to be reckoned with!

But back on topic.
Has anyone been in this situation before?

I was kinda in this situation before, going with a girl, who didnt get on with any of my friends, I ended up ditching the friends and staying with the girl. Broke up with the girl and realised I had lost contact with everyone. It just took time to get back talking to everyone again.

I think you could be ok because of this;
"The friends that I have at the moment are great but they all have their own lives and they themselves have loads of friends. They are all very out going and I would love to be like them."

What you need to do is talk to your friends and start going out with them when they are going out with their other friends, do this regularly and pretty soon you will be "part of the group" do this with all of your friends and soon you will have a wide circle of friends to go out with. Hope that makes sense.

People like to have more people to drink with and a new face is always welcome because well your new and someone new to talk with rather than the same people you talk with every week, notice I keep mentioning talk, you cant just sit in the corner, you need to engage with people.

A couple of years ago after I broke up with another girl (You see the trouble you girls get me in ) For reasons I wont go into, I started meeting another bunch of people through a friend evey weekend for drinks, I was quite low at the time, down in spirits anyway, but this new bunch of people I meet made me laugh so much Honestly I had pain in my sides every weekend, it was so much fun, just really sound people. A couple of weeks went by and the friend that introduced me to them, couldnt go out for some reason or another so I was left all dressed up with no where to go. I wanted to meet the lads because I knew it would be so much fun but I didnt know what to do. So that night I just went down to the pub told them my friend was on the way and proceded to get stuck into a beer, next thing I knew It was 10 or so someone mentioned where is x, I said I dunno, he must have gone back to bed or something the ******, we all laughed and continued to drink. After that it was easy.

Best thing I ever did, that group of people carried me through a bad patch and I never had to much fun. All from going out one night (when I didnt want too) and meeting new people.

I hope the same thing can happen to you.

DubNside

v lonely wrote:

My question is how do you make friends and where??

You always have friends on the Boards.ie! Open 24 hours!

LegacyUser

Thanks for that Static! That was good advice and I plan on doing that. You put things into perspective for me, cos the way that I was thinking was that I would be imposing on their generosity!! I know it sounds stupid and its something that I have to shake off.

Static M.e.

NP Hope it works out for you

Clár

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Has anyone got any tips or any advice?[/QUOTE]


I am in that situation right now so I know exactly what you are going through. I posted a similar post there a few weeks ago. I returned from living away for 3 months and all my mates seem to have forgotten about me in that space of time. I have been meaning to get my finger out and get some interests other than the gym but i have not gotten round to it as I am still in the feeling sorry for myself stage.

Im an office temp and while i ask the agency for a "Young Dynamic" company i end up working with ol' ones talking bout the menopause or their weak bone conditions. AAAGHH i think im gonna go insane.

I am thinking of trying speak dating for the laugh but I have not heard much about it of late, I dont think its as big as it was.

LegacyUser

One of my sisters friends goes on lunch.ie to organise lunch dates they are usually in town afaik. Great way to meet friends.

DubNside

Helper1111 wrote:

One of my sisters friends goes on lunch.ie to organise lunch dates they are usually in town afaik. Great way to meet friends.

Now i've seen it all...

muppetkiller

I'm in the same boat here...although I've friends here they drive me demented as they consider sitting in a pub for the weekend as an activity ?
I was away for years and only came home 2 months agao..

Do some night courses maybe ..take up a language/ARTY subject ?
I'm starting Polish next week hehe

Other good places are Toast masters ( Which is for people who are nervous giving presentations ) alot of these people would be similar situations.

I've met a few new people through myspace.com too

arbeitsscheuer

Well I've met most of my mates thru boards tbh.
I don't see my old group of mates, from school and by vicarious connections, cos I've been busy in college and stuff. Just kinda lost touch, haven't seen most, if not all, in 6 months.

It's tough finding new ppl, I spose I was lucky enuff cos I already knew a few boardsies from UCD boards beers from March 05, and main beers June 05 so...

It can be v difficult getting to know anyone else tho, I'm pretty shy and introverted as well so that adds to the problem. You have my sympathies, I know absolutely nobody where I live (Lucan) and to see any of my mates requires a bit of a trek into town or whatever.

I spose a sports team is a good idea, I must try it myself as well!

Kell

v lonely wrote:

The friends that I have at the moment are great but they all have their own lives and they themselves have loads of friends.

I dont see the problem.

Have you false expectations that they will do x,y and z for you and with you? Everyone has their own life and at opportune times, peoples paths cross. Be content that you have a bunch of friends, as the quote suggests.

The absence of a significant other has probably just prompted you to look harder at your personal situation. You might expect your mates to be spending more time with you, but if you think about it hard enough, they are probably spending the same amount of time with you as they ever did. You are just experiencing a large hole in your life.

K-