Realtionship dilemma

jka85

Ok I’m going to go straight to the story.

I’m seeing a girl at the minute. Our relationship is purely sexual, I’ve been informed from a mate that she doesn’t want a relationship and is worried that I’m being led on. She hasn’t told me this however. It hasn’t been put in black & white. She’s currently studying for her leaving cert but we manage to find time to see each other, when we do we end up having sex, and spending what little time we have together just talking or hanging out. She’s always keen to arrange the next meet up. I’ve known her for over a year but only got seeing her and getting to know her properly the last 4 or 5 months. So anyway, I know for definite she doesn’t want it to get any deeper. Its understandable cos of her leaving, but I don’t think even anything after that when she’s free. I’m really mad about her and she knows this.... even though she doesn’t want anything I’m still curious to see where it goes, opinions may change over the summer. We talk a lot on MSN but a lot of the time its small talk, I mean I try to talk to her but I usually only get monosyllabic answers like "yeah" or "ok" but sometimes shed have a lot more to say. Its as if she’s trying to avoid me. So tonight we were talking and I did the same as she’s been doing and I came across a right tool. I was horrible to her and am thinking of texting her to apologise, but its what she’s been doing to me...although she’s told her mate who then told me that she really doesn’t mean it.

Now for the stinger.

Only recently, my ex girlfriend from several years ago who I’ve still stayed in touch with and been close to has told me that she wants to give us another go. There was a time where we didn’t speak for a long time, then we got talking again as friends, always kept it short and sweet, never got too deep. I’ve always had a soft spot for her, I know her inside and out and her me. So she tells me that she’s always loved me, and is sorry for the past and that over the past few years she’s been in and out of relationships but really has always wanted me. Id love to have her back, but I’m in a situation where I’m caught between the two girls. I want to move on and see where it goes with the first girl.... but am I taking a risk?

a huge problem also is that my friends really dislike my ex, as do my parents...it may seem a minor thing but its an issue with her. The other girl my friends think she’s ok and that so long as I’m happy its cool with them, just don’t get too involved as I may get hurt. My parents of course love her and have no problem with me seeing her.

So I don’t know what to do, who to choose even. I could take my chances with the first girl but if it doesn’t work out I’ve lost my ex girlfriend I think for good. But I could choose my ex, deal with the issues of family etc and lose any chance I have with the first girl for good. Either way I’m going to lose big.

I know this thread is quite long winded, if any detail is unclear just ask. If I think of anymore details ill update.

Thanks in advance for help.

shinners007

your in a bit of a dilemma alright.

if it were me id go with the first girl and see how things work out, an ex is an ex for a reason.

the first girl may be really into to you be acting like she isnt just to see how into her you really are. as you said she is eager to arrange the next meeting.

plus if your ex has waited this long and is as into you as she says leave her wait a bit longer. i dont think your at a loose loose situation.

being honest you need to decide which girl you really care about.

you need to think about it:

the first girl the relationship may or may not work out do you like her enough to risk it or are you simply going to try again with an ex who remember it didnt work out with beore.

is there not a greater risk with getting back with ex and the relationship ending again than giving the relationship a fair go with the first girl?

best of luck with what ever you decide;)

Talliesin

With the first girl. Yep, it looks like it's just a sex thing. Keep at it if you're enjoying the just-sex thing, get out if you aren't.

With the second girl. What has changed about the reasons you split up before?

Wing Walker

You can't really expect her to get into too much of a serious relationship if she's doing her leaving. Just see where things go over the next month or so. The one thing that I would say is that your friend isn't a mind reader, so s/he can't really know what this girl is thinking or wants! Unless it's a female friend and she's interested in you too!!

As for the ex? Generally speaking, it's a better idea to leave sleeping dogs lie. If you broke up, didn't speak for a period and are only kind of polite to each other, then I don't see the benefits of dumping girl 1 for girl 2. Most of us remember the good times when it comes to old relationships and conveniently forget the reasons why we broke up with someone. Have a long think about that but I'd say talk to girl 1 after the leaving and see how she feels.

Best of luck.

humanji

I'm sorry to say you can't win. Keep away from your ex. You split up before and if your friends and family don't like her, then they might be onto something.

As for the new girl, you'll have to talk to her about it. I was in one of these "f#ck buddy" relationships a while ago and it doesn't end well. She may have feelings for you and just pretending to want a casual relationship. But if she only wants a casual relationship and you have feelings for her, it'll get worse and worse because you're feelings for her will get stronger and eventually she'll just move on and it'll cut you up because you'll struggle to get over her.

So in short, don't go near your ex and if the new girl doesn't want anything more than casual sex then you're better off without her too.

fuzzywiggle

I'd go for the first girl right now. She may really like you. You know how us girls are :rolleyes: Is your ex g/f giving you some sort of ultimatum? Like now or never? Why don't you see how it goes with this new girl you're seeing and if that doesn't work out, you could always have another go with your ex?

Dreamer 7

Does ur ex know about ur casual gal? Is it pure jealousy bringing her back, i do agree with the others when they say if ur friends and family dont like her they must have a good reason.
U still seem sweet on your ex and you sound like you are swaying that way, is it worth the grief from ur friends and family who prob had to listen to you the 1st time around when you broke up with her.
Ur casual gal seems to want just that, but do talk to her and tell her your looking for a little more than that. If you do want more that a **** buddy you need to stop seeing your casual gal, but that doesnt mean you have to run back to you ex. Take your time and make sure its right for you. You have to look after yourself first, saves heartache in the long run!