Irish-Chinese housemate relations

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I quite fancy my new housemate, and i believe the feeling is mutual. We`re living together a month now.
Two things im not too sure about though,
Firstly, we share the same apartment, so any relationship wont follow the usual standard that i would normally go by, ie, meeting only once or twice a week for the first few weeks while we get to know each other, thus keeping it casual and unpressured and taking things slowly.
Iv never been in this situation before so im not sure how things might play out, a)if we get together, or b)if we dont, with the both of us already living together. Might be a case of too much, too soon.
Secondly, she is chinese, albeit with great english, so im not sure if there is any difference in the way i should "woo" her as opposed to irish or indeed european girls, who im used to dating.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks.

milod

My ex g/f was chinese (prob still is, ahem) but in my experience (2 blissful years) a woman is woman and likes to be woo'ed. The only thing I would say is that certain cultural aspects might come into play.

I don't want to dampen your ardour but sometimes you can get the wrong idea, for example just because she smiles at you a lot, or seems coy it doesn't necessarily mean much!

Ok, this is a minefield of possible sexist or race stereotyping but I lived with a chineses woman and count some chinese people among my friends - this is just MY experience ok? ...

Many chinese girls tend to blush when they laugh, or smile, and maybe cover their smile with a hand in front of the face etc. This can give the impression that they are acting coyly and demurely, so I'd make sure you have a little more to go on before you leap in! perhaps a suggestion that you go out to dinner etc - On a positive note, usually in matters amourous, they are quite practical, not having suffered the weight of catholic guilt in that respect!

Go for it! you won't know til you try and if you really like her, you'll want to see her often anyway

DOLEMAN

My ex is Korean and I used to hang out with her Chinese friends. Also, one of my ex's and my current girlfriend started out as flatmates.

On the flatmate issue first. It's not a problem. I find it cuts out the insecure nonsense at the start of the relationship and is actually a good thing. So don't worry about this point.

On the Chinese point... I've found Chinese girls to be quite...traditional. For example, they don't seem to have a problem with their boyfriends hitting them as long as the boyfriend has a steady job and is paying the bills. They also have a bit of trouble understanding "Irish men". You know, we're too relaxed ("lazy"), we talk a bit of **** ("breaking promises") and in general don't follow the traditional relationship route.

Asian women seem to listen a lot more carefully to what men say (they have a lot of respect for what men say) so be very aware every little comment or off hand remark you make will be analysed and taken as gospel.

On a more positive note, they are total nymphomaniacs.

biko

Doleman, you crack me up man

OT, having only been around asian girls (in Asia) a lot but not actually been dating I'd say they are very flirty and eager to please (hey, if they laugh at MY jokes then..) and this is easliy construed as an invitation but is not really, if you get me.

You should take her out and also say "I would like to take you out on a date", so that your intentions are clear.

Warning, flatmate sex can get real messy if it goes pear-shaped.

Unpossible

I have a chinese g/f and dated a vietnamese for a while. First off you should try and find out if she is a "traditional girl" as far as I can tell these women dont believe in sex before marraige, I dont think many chinese women fall into this category.
Its true what is said above, they can be very playful and all smiles but not mean it in the way you want. I think the best advice is to come across as a nice guy and someone who will take care of them.

They also have a bit of trouble understanding "Irish men".

Apparently mine keeps saying (based on her dealings with me) that westerners have a life of lesure.

On a more positive note, they are total nymphomaniacs.

Woah there, dont fill his head with these kind of fantasys. From my expirence and from what my g/f tells me the following is true:
Many chinese women complain that western husbands have a higher sex drive than chinese men, most chinese women only want sex a few times a week.
A lot of chinese men are selfish in bed so there is a good chance she has never cum with a man.
Because of the above point, and possibly because porn is illegal in China, she may never have tried anal or oral (and very few positions). This is where you will wow her if you get her.

Of course not every woman will be like that especially if she has already had a western boyfriend.

Again all I said is from opinions and expirence of me & my g/f, things I've been told by other chinese and things my g/f reads on chinese (uncensored) websites.


So to the OP, go for it, its definatly an expirence I recomend

Thirdfox

possibly because porn is illegal in China,

Lol - you believe that? It's as illegal as porn in Ireland...

Just found that bit quite funny.

Good luck with OP and his relationship!

Unpossible

Lol - you believe that? It's as illegal as porn in Ireland...

Its not impossible to get it over there, but I have been told by a few people that this is so


edit: I tried to check online came up with the following,
http://www.thefileroom.org/documents/dyn/DisplayCase.cfm/id/725
http://www.thefileroom.org/documents/dyn/DisplayCase.cfm/id/719
http://www.china.org.cn/english/2004/Aug/103798.htm
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20051231-5873.html

So at any rate internet porn is illegal, and it looks like books are censored. Also this website has a lot to say about it,
http://english.people.com.cn/zhuanti/Zhuanti_417.html

nitrogen

DOLEMAN wrote:

On the flatmate issue first. It's not a problem. I find it cuts out the insecure nonsense at the start of the relationship and is actually a good thing. So don't worry about this point.

It can also be a bad thing. The relationship can get too serious too quickly. You will be living with her from day 1. That can be good or bad in different people's books.

I personally like the "insecure nonsense" at the start of a relationship, it's quite a blissful time and should be cherished more.

LikeOhMyGawd!

I'd avoid using the term 'woo' to any Chinese girl as phonetically it means something entirely different in Chinese! Let's put it this way, you wouldn't want to do it with a girl who would be kissing your kids goodnight...

Thirdfox

Phonetically it means "without" or the family name "Wu", perhaps "five", "cover" or "fog" depending on your pronounciation.

Or maybe you're referring to Cantonese Chinese? (I only know Mandarin).

Hagar

It's only been a month. Wait. What's the big rush?

elvis2002

I dont know where you guys get some of your information from. My gf of 5 years is Chinese so I think I know when I say you guys are full of BS

Firstly, Chinese girls are not ok with being hit!... I dont know how you came up with that one but its the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

Secondly, Porn is available easily in China. There are even av shops like they have in Japan except the difference is the stuff in the shops in China is all uncensored. I would go as far as to say its impossible not to go into a dvd shop in China and see the large pr0n section.

I'd agree with someone when saying that just because someone is nice it doesnt mean they are in to you. This is even more so if they are chinese. Chinese girls can often appear very very flirty but its just their way of being friendly. Its possible she secretly thinks your a smelly, hairy laowai as they say. [laowai being a chinese insult for foreigners]. You haven't told us enough of the details though so for all we know she could be sleeping on your shoulder while looking at tv and hugging you etc etc.

Where she is from also could give you a clue on her personality but this is a big generalisation. Girls from Shanghai are usually but not always very very westernised about sex and one night stands are common enough. Alot of people are from NanJing in Ireland. These girls tend to be the more 'virgin' types although I've met a few from there who are up for it too. BeiJing girls are a mixture really. But tbh, If she is a more traditional type she is worth the hassle of charming and woohing her and she'll be a keeper and will probably only have eyes for you. Dont forget things like visas too, some girls are simply after them and desperate to get them but I would tell you, play it cool, she might try and make a move on you and then you can go for the kill. If you get a few drinks into her you could really see what the story is with her as I've found that some chinese girls are totally different after one Bacardi Breezer and I say that because I've never met a chinese girl who could drink more than 1 without being in a coma.

Anyways for the moment, just enjoy watching her size 6/8 body, silky skin, pert boobs.....
/me is going to give his missus some 7up right now.

Thirdfox

Laowai (old outsider) is not that much of an insult... how about guaizhi lol? (Devil son)

The_Conductor

elvis2002 wrote:

If you get a few drinks into her you could really see what the story is with her as I've found that some chinese girls are totally different after one Bacardi Breezer and I say that because I've never met a chinese girl who could drink more than 1 without being in a coma.

Most Asian people (guys as well as girls) lack the gene which controls the enzyme for decomposing alcohol- this is why they appear to get drunk on improbably small amounts of alcohol.

Thirdfox

But some Chinese people can drink a lot of alcohol (and 70% proof spirits too :eek:). I belong in the former category though - makes for a cheap night out

LegacyUser

A lot of it depends on whereabouts in China they are from. Like a previous poster said, women in Shanghai can have a fairly relaxed attitude to sex, whereas women from the smaller cities in the north aren't going to even consider it until you marry them. Plus a lot of the porn is censored. I put the dvd on and was all settled in, ready to have my own private party, when the penetration was blurred out. WTF is the point in having a hard core porno movie that blurs out the penetration? Eddie Hobbes should make a show called Rip Off Peoples Republic of China.

elvis2002

Thirdfox wrote:

But some Chinese people can drink a lot of alcohol (and 70% proof spirits too :eek:). I belong in the former category though - makes for a cheap night out

I can vouch for that too, My gf's dad can drink so much its just not believable. He could easily drink a 75% proof bottle on his own whereas a sniff and I think Id pass out. My gf on the other hand could drink a JD and a smirnoff and be dead out and unable to walk by herself.

Peter Collins

The best thing about the japanese is mister miagi and daniel san

Thirdfox

Those are Japanese characters (hope you're just joking...)

DOLEMAN

elvis2002 wrote:

Firstly, Chinese girls are not ok with being hit!... I dont know how you came up with that one but its the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

Ahh you shouldn't say we're full of it and then come out with something like that. Husbands/boyfriends disciplining their partner in Asia is completely accepted. It's legal in China and Korea.

While my choice of words was perhaps bad (I wasn't trying to suggest they like being hit, obviously) it's still true that most Chinese girls have to accept violence from their partners.

If you know Chinese people as much as you say you do, you'll know Chinese (and Korean) men are quite violent/macho.

Anyway. Have we an update from the OP?

Thirdfox

I don't think we are "violent/macho" - we don't all know martial arts you know!

Chinese society is generally one of obedience - we have very strong family values (often many generations living under one roof). Elders are respected and the "little emporers" are spoilt rotten :mad:

Chinese woman (that I know of) most certainly do not accept being abused physically.

DOLEMAN

Thirdfox wrote:

Chinese woman (that I know of) most certainly do not accept being abused physically.

I'm talking about the legal side. If they ring the police, nothing will happen... The Asians I knew all accepted (every one of them) violence from their partners.

neilled

smccarrick wrote:

Most Asian people (guys as well as girls) lack the gene which controls the enzyme for decomposing alcohol- this is why they appear to get drunk on improbably small amounts of alcohol.

Well i think ths a bit of a generalisation............. i've never been afflicted by said genetics! Means i can act like stereotypical paddy and down pints of guinness in one!

elvis2002

DOLEMAN wrote:

I'm talking about the legal side. If they ring the police, nothing will happen... The Asians I knew all accepted (every one of them) violence from their partners.

Jaysus, you must hang out with a right bunch then because I've never met anyone whose Chinese who accepts voilence in a relationship.