Opinions wanted

Ivan

Just an intial draft of what i guess would be an epilogue of a short story/novel. Without boring you with the details (as its more writing style/grammar/etc. comments that I want) its based on a game idea that a friend of mine came up with.


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Have you ever had the feeling that you will never be loved? That not a single person, anywhere on the planet, in the solar system or universe could ever like you, let alone love. None, neither living nor dead, nor yet to be born could ever tolerate you let alone be your friend.

Its funny, I can remember the exact moment down to the nano-second, when I first felt this way.

I was standing in the middle of a devasted city, crumbling buildings were barely visible on the horizon, burning brightly like nightlights. An overwhelming stench of burnt human flesh, rose from all around me. Screams came piercing through the pitch black night, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

It was then, that I looked down at my hands, those horrifying hands, covered in metal and blood, that I tried again, for the millionth time to rip the metal from my arms. The intelligent combat armor, that I had named Grace, gave me the strength to rip tanks apart like a piece of paper but would not allow me to forcibly remove itself. Grace laughed, it was a shrill laugh. The sound a banshee would make, before it came to collect your soul. The sound a fingernail makes when stratching at a chalkboard. The sound of an evil creature, who knows she has won. The sound of all these things and more.

It was at this moment, when the horrors of what I had witnessed, of what I had done... overcame the last shred of humanity within me. At this critical point, when I began to cackle insanely, that I knew, all hope for me had died with my victims.
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Blush_01

Exam tomorrow. Panicing like mad. Will comment better next week.

I like where it might be going though. Might be a little on the... I don't know... "cackle-y" side?

Lothaar

I know this is unhelpful but...

A can of tuna is extremely difficult to rip apart with your bare hands.

Ivan

While I dont think a can of tuna is necessarily easy to rip apart, I think the point is that the way it is written is meant to convey that a can of tuna is as easy to rip apart as a tank. Now, however difficult a can of tuna is to rip apart, its gotten be alot easier than ripping apart a tank

That said, I do get your point and I think I'll just change it