Feel like I'm losing it

LegacyUser

I completely feel like I'm losing the plot. I feel that I have no control over my life anymore and I feel really panicky about things especially the last week. These were feelings that had come last year but went away, they've now arisen again and I don't know what to do.

I'll give you background info on my story, I found out my dad was having an affair last year, he told me that because I was born that he never got to travel or do anything he wanted and that my brothers hated me. I nearly had a breakdown last year because of that, he's always been verbally and emotionally abusive towards us. He walked out on us after I found out about the affair and has been going out with this woman for the last while. She seems to want to play happy families with my brothers. I'm mid-20's by the way. Thing is I haven't spoken to him in over a year whereas my brother's still do and they rub my nose in it by always saying things like : I'm going out to dinner with dad, dad bought me this, your one bought me that.

I'm devastated about everything still that he would hurt me and my mum in this way and then for my brothers to rub my nose in it all the time. I just can't take any of it anymore and feel like I'm going to lose it

Muggy Dev

I would advise that you talk to a trusted friend of relative about your feelings.It is understandable that you feel hurt and confused but you are in your mid twenties with your whole life to look forward to.Don't allow the selfish behaviour of others make you miserable.Be strong for yourself and stay close to your mother during this difficult time.

This is a bad patch.Unfortunatly life is full of them,but you will get over this,as will your mother,and you will be fine.

Best wishes.

ST*

feeling lost wrote:

I completely feel like I'm losing the plot. I feel that I have no control over my life anymore and I feel really panicky about things especially the last week. These were feelings that had come last year but went away, they've now arisen again and I don't know what to do....
I just can't take any of it anymore and feel like I'm going to lose it

Firstly, you need to discuss the above with your doctor as soon as you can. You've been through a lot lately, and seem quite anxious. Which is perfectly understandable in this situation.

feeling lost wrote:

I'll give you background info on my story, I found out my dad was having an affair last year, he told me that because I was born that he never got to travel or do anything he wanted and that my brothers hated me.

No father should ever say this to his son / daughter, no matter how much he felt like he lost out. Children do not ask to be born. It was a very sh1tty thing to say.

Stick by your mum, talk to friends and other family, and just as importantly your doctor about all this. If you have a positive network of people around you, they will help you through all this.

Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

he told me that because I was born that he never got to travel or do anything he wanted

Wow, that's a real head f*ck... tbh, you'd have to be a pretty screwed up individual to say that to your own child.
God, sure we've all cost our parents a fortune... have you cost him any more than your siblings have? (not that that's any excuse)
Don't let that crap get to you for a second, the bottom line is he knew exactly what he was getting up to when he took off his pants on the night you were concieved.

I sometimes feel that sense of guilt myself, not because of anything that was said to me, but when you're growing up and just "getting by", you know your parents can't afford to go backpacking around the world for six months.
But it quickly passes when I recall how I got here in the first place

I mean my parents only had to support me for the first 18 years, while I've got to cover the other 60-odd years myself... the way I see it, they owe ME money.

Stay tight with the people you're close to and let the rest be as f*cked up and distant as they want to be... take care of yourself.

X-SL

tbh, leave your dad. Who cares about him? get on with your life. Become a father or mother (dunno what gender you are) and be happy knowing you have a good life. btw, be a better parent than he was

beth-lou

Hi Lost,

I've been through a similar situation with my family.
I told my Mam that my Dad was having an affair when I was 15. It was a terrible time, but we got through it and I'm a stronger and wiser person because of it.

What your Dad has said to you is merely him tryng to push the responsibilty for what he has done onto you. He is sherking all responsibility for his actions, which is at best childish to say the least. It is merely an excuse, because he is not man enough to admit that he has been selfish. You are not responsible for his actions, and please don't even contemplate that you are.
I would suggest staying away from him for a while, until you feel stronger. My guess is that he feels guilty about the situation and he is transferring it onto you. Don't let him. You are not in any way responsible for his actions. The truth is, he wants to be with someone else. That's it. Plain and simple. He jsut hasn't admitted to himself that he's selfish. it's easier to blame someone else, especially a vulnerable 20 something who might actually believe it. It is his problem, not yours. And if he has been emotionaly abusive in the past, you and your Mam are better off without it him. Truely you are.

As far as your brothers are concerned, they are entitled to forgive him if they choose to, try to not hold it against them. People deal with things in different ways. Dont let what your father has done, drive a wedge between you and your siblings. It is not their fault that he did this, and they still want to have him in their lives. So let that be, and try to be happy for them. I know it hurts you that they have a relationship and you don't but that is between you and your Dad.

I didn't speak to my dad for years, but have since mended the bridges. But the only way I did that was by accepting that he was selfish and self obsessed and not expecting too much from him. But he never said anything to me like what you Dad said to you. At the end of the day you have your whole life ahead of you, lots of great people yet to meet, places yet to see. Please try to stay positive. It does get better, I promise you.