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Night

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  • 26-05-2006 9:04pm
    #1
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭


    Your shadow lingers
    Over my face as we hug
    And you beign to walk away
    They are gone
    It is only us
    Not for long
    The music plays
    Punk rock at its greatest
    Skin touches skin
    You say goodbye
    I stand here now
    As the stars shine overhead
    And you wave goodbye from the back window
    Of your shiny red car.
    I love you


Comments

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    #2
    crosstownk
    Registered Users Posts: 12,863 ✭✭✭✭crosstownk


    Hey - thats kinda nice. Yeah, I like it.
    Untitled Image




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    #3
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users Posts: 13,907 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    sorry to have to say it again, but its more like a diary entry to me - but if that's the way its meant to be then i suppose it's ok.


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    #4
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Well, it was an impromptu thing, but at least its not about depression and crap like that!!! Hey, I'm getting there...nearly a year on...
    Anyone else?


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    #5
    Outcast
    Closed Accounts Posts: 372 ✭✭Outcast


    From what I can see you are improving in terms of themes and how you deal with them. But maybe you should work a bit more on struncture, rhythm and language.
    This is pretty good though.


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    #6
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Yeah thanks...think its time for the theasaurus to come out again..may find it after exams!


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