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Night

lilmissprincess · 2006-05-26 20:04:33

Your shadow lingers Over my face as we hug And you beign to walk away They are gone It is only us Not for long The music plays Punk rock at its greatest Skin touches skin You say goodbye I stand here now As the stars shine overhead And you wave goodbye from the back window Of your shiny red car. I love you

26-05-2006 8:04pm

#1

lilmissprincess

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2005

Posts: 2836

Your shadow lingers
Over my face as we hug
And you beign to walk away
They are gone
It is only us
Not for long
The music plays
Punk rock at its greatest
Skin touches skin
You say goodbye
I stand here now
As the stars shine overhead
And you wave goodbye from the back window
Of your shiny red car.
I love you

0

Comments

#2 26-05-2006 8:13pm

crosstownk

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,863 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2006

Posts: 12562

Hey - thats kinda nice. Yeah, I like it.

0
#3 26-05-2006 9:04pm

ctrl-alt-delete

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,648 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2005

Posts: 14532

sorry to have to say it again, but its more like a diary entry to me - but if that's the way its meant to be then i suppose it's ok.

0
#4 28-05-2006 2:03pm

lilmissprincess

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2005

Posts: 2836

Well, it was an impromptu thing, but at least its not about depression and crap like that!!! Hey, I'm getting there...nearly a year on...
Anyone else?

0
#5 28-05-2006 3:20pm

Outcast

Closed Accounts Posts: 372 ✭✭

Join Date: August 2003

Posts: 344

From what I can see you are improving in terms of themes and how you deal with them. But maybe you should work a bit more on struncture, rhythm and language.
This is pretty good though.

0
#6 28-05-2006 4:55pm

lilmissprincess

Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭

Join Date: June 2005

Posts: 2836

Yeah thanks...think its time for the theasaurus to come out again..may find it after exams!

0
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