Spiritual Enlightenment in the Sporting Emporium

El Stuntman

here's the scene:

it's last night and 'ah bin drinkin'. A handy half-dozen with de lads and a permission slip from Mrs Stuntman (married Boardies nod your heads at this juncture), the clock ticks around to midnight and we agree to call it a night. The boys head off to their respective abodes before they turn into pumpkins. I'm feeling jiggy so decide to drop into the SE to gamboooool it up....

Nod and a drool/leer to the supermodels on the front desk, leg it up the stairs and stick my name down for the €50 PLHE game. Big crowd in the joint with 80 runners for the €50 DC and 3 cash games on the go already. I get €100 worth of chips (mmmm, chips) and flop into my seat. Check out the action and it soon becomes clear the the table is fairly relaxed, mostly guys who've busted out of the tournie and a couple of drunks (I may belong in this category), no-one is really taking charge and there's no superstars here.

I play tight agressive, bet my good hands big and am up to €250 within about an hour, having only shown down 1 hand all night. The world is my oyster....

The drunks from Waterford eventually feck off, sadly not having donated their chips to me, and a Chinese dude with a shaved head sits down next to me on my right. I now realise he was clearly the reincarnation of a major Buddha but obviously wasn't thinking straight at the time. He's got over a grand in chips which easily covers everyone at the table by a factor of at least three. Very next hand, I have the button and peek down - The Aces of Spades (involuntary rock chorus goes off in my head) is joined by his old friend the King of Diamonds. Hello boys, I am Slicked and I am Big!!

There's more limpers than a Cambodian landmine victim's hospital so I punish them by potting it - they all fold their rags and Buddha reluctantly calls. Something makes me decide to play the entire hand by watching him first and then the cards. Flop is dealt and I can see he likes it but not a lot - I take a look and it's K95 rainbow. He checks and I pot it again. I see a look of suspicion in his eyes - his instincts honed over many millenia of spiritual contemplation, he thinks...and thinks....and then min-raises.
Ay caramba!! That's no way for a living deity to behave I think, so I re-pot it. He doesn't like this at all but cosmic forces beyond our mere mortal contemplation force the word "Call" out of his mouth. There's now about €300 in the pot.

As the dealer flips the turn card I continue to watch Buddha. He doesn't like it at all. It's another five and a dude at the end of the table puts his head in his hands. I take this as being very good karma.....I may be on the brink of poker nirvana here.
"Check"
"All-in"
Buddha hates this but the ancient wisdom of the Himalayan mountain sages dictates a call. He reluctantly matches my remaining chips and the pot is now just over €500.

I flip my AK, he looks grumpy and doesn't bother to flip his. The dealer rapidly deals the river and Buddha starts pumping the air with his fist (how cool) and muttering excitedly to himself. I take a look and it's an eight, he flips his cards now - K8 sooooooooted (of course!). The massive pot is shipped his way and several of the assembled punters sadly shake their heads and cast sympathetic glances my way.

I await the inevitable surge of anger and.....nothing happens. Normally I would expect some bout of Tourettes-like swearing to erupt at this stage. Probably an urge to inflict physical violence as well (although I am good at repressing this one).

Instead a feeling of utter serenity and love for all men washes over me.
I smile a deep smile of beatific enlightement, turn to Buddha and happily utter the words 'well played'.
And I mean it.

I am At One With Everything.

Buddha is too busy stacking his chips to look at me or even acknowledge me!! Not very karmic - I will have him reincarnated as Michael McDowell next time around.

I grab my jacket, bounce down the stairs and head out the door stopping only to exchange smiles with the ex-KGB bouncer. I happily jump into a taxi and cruise home stopping only to request Mr Taximan to allow a snail to cross the road unharmed (it may have been the reincarnation of an important Dalai Lama). I float into bed and sleep the sleep of the gods.

I am still smiling now as I type this and indeed was very tempted to pat several small children on the head this morning (luckily I restrained myself or I might be sharing a cell with some ex-priests this morning). This is not like me - I am a grumpy ba$tard at the best of times.....

What in the name of Jebus, Buddha, Allah or L Ron Hubbard happened at that poker table last night?? Something beyond our mere mortal contemplation that's for sure....what is a pot of 500 bucks worth when compared to finding the Path of Enlightenment?

Think on this fellow grasshoppers.......

ianmc38

Buddha slowrolled me nicely last night. Wasn't such an enlightening experience.

patmac

You wern't smoking the funny cigarettes as well? I'd wait till about 11:30 when:
(a) The coffee has worn of. (b) The hangover kicks in and (c) When you put your hand in your pocket to pay for the Lucozade sport and there is feckall money there. We should have a bet as to when this wears off. If it doesn't I can give you the phone number of my brother who went off to find spiritual enlightment many years ago and now lives up some mountain in Thailand.

mewso

This does sound a bit like a Homer Simpson memory of a night on the beer. Are you sure you didn't actually kill someone last night with the K8 still clutched in their hands?

Culchie

What I want to know, as a married man, is how you managed to be allowed go on the beer AND go to the casino on a week night.

This story cannot be true.

El Stuntman

Culchie wrote:

What I want to know, as a married man, is how you managed to be allowed go on the beer AND go to the casino on a week night.

This story cannot be true.

My wife is highly enlightened too

Send your Mrs around to my gaff and I'll work on her too!! Sounds like she may need spiritual instruction in the Way of the Felt

Culchie

El Stuntman wrote:

My wife is highly enlightened too

Send your Mrs around to my gaff and I'll work on her too!! Sounds like she may need spiritual instruction in the Way of the Felt

She doesn't need any instruction on Martial Arts anyway, that's for sure.

Nice Story.


BTW, walking away like that is a sign a good player finding 'Zen' in their game.



and you were probably too pissed to realise what happened.:p

Washout

I think itll hit you when youve had your lunch, your sitting on the John and then suddenly your eyes will pop wide open and a scream of rage shall be heard around the work place.

smurph

I have to say, reading through most of the threads makes me realise that I haven't a *****n clue about cards, and only pretend to, but I have to say that this thread is the funniest one I have read in yonks, Fair play to you, you have made my day. Brilliantly written.:D

patmac

Culchie wrote:

What I want to know, as a married man, is how you managed to be allowed go on the beer AND go to the casino on a week night.

This story cannot be true.

And also she must have thought you had won loads as you were in such a good mood do you not get the "how much did you waste last night" question or am I the only one married to someone who turns into a tax inspector after a night of playing cards?

Bp!

Very well written and very funny

great post


Are you at one with the Tribecca RNG now lol

califano

Bp! wrote:

Very well written and very funny

great post

Bp! you'd laugh at anything.
Id say your the type of guy who laughs heartily at the adds in the cinema?!.

But i agree very good El Stuntman. Some may not have liked the 'Cambodian landmine' part but it wasnt as bad as that real life refereeing foul when you called back that retarded kid for a double dribble!?

El Stuntman

Culchie wrote:

She doesn't need any instruction on Martial Arts anyway, that's for sure.

Nice Story.


BTW, walking away like that is a sign a good player finding 'Zen' in their game.



and you were probably too pissed to realise what happened.:p

hey!!

I just saw that small writing down the bottom ye cheeky culchie ye.....

I was on a plane of higher contemplation where mere mortal affairs like being rivered by a three-outer for the biggest live pot of my life became totally insignificant.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand"

El Stuntman

Bp! wrote:

Very well written and very funny

great post


Are you at one with the Tribecca RNG now lol

I expect to be reincarnated as the guy who programs the Tribeca RNG

Ardent

Great post, had me laughing. And very well played, very unlucky not to double up through Buddha.

Bp!

rounders123 wrote:

Id say your the type of guy who laughs heartily at the adds in the cinema?!.

FFS Aidan I just burst out laughin at that! and hey that joke was funny to me anyway


p.s I had a very similar karma thing last sunday night too, funny how that happens

patmac

Bp! wrote:

FFS Aidan I just burst out laughin at that! and hey that joke was funny to me anyway


p.s I had a very similar karma thing last sunday night too, funny how that happens

Is there a philosophy or religious thread on boards as this is heading that way. Did I see the WSOP final table where the irish guy who came forth said he was big into Buddhism, and do Buddhists drink?

El Stuntman

Ardent wrote:

Great post, had me laughing. And very well played, very unlucky not to double up through Buddha.

Dude, you are so far off the Path of Enlightenment it's not even funny

if I had doubled up through Buddha, I would undoubtedly be facing serious karmic punishment

That 8 was meant to be....

5starpool

It's like, wow man.....

shaydy

hahahahaha great post!

WongWiverCard

Hoi !

In for penny, in for pound, is wot I say.

and 8 my lucky number.

jtsuited

i laughed at an ad in the cinema last night.

califano

jtsuited wrote:

i laughed at an ad in the cinema last night.

Do you realise this tilts almost every single guy that hears you laugh!:mad: ?.
This comes a close second to watching/hearing a person explain to their partner what film they seen a particular actor in before!:mad: .

jtsuited

i also shout out loud when i recognise someone from a different film.

Bp!

jtsuited wrote:

i also shout out loud when i recognise someone from a different film.

LOL

I must come to work hungover more, this is great fun !

El Stuntman

WongWiverCard wrote:

Hoi !

In for penny, in for pound, is wot I say.

and 8 my lucky number.

hmmmm, this is fishy...

if you are Buddha you have better things to be doing than posting rubbish on message boards

WongWiverCard

yes, me fishy .. but me much money too

kpnuts

Boards sure is becoming a spiritual emporium of sporting enlightenment!

El Stuntman

kpnuts wrote:

Boards sure is becoming a spiritual emporium of sporting enlightenment!

I may head in tonight and see if he can crack aces with 35o

Then I will know he is The Chosen One

El Stuntman

WongWiverCard wrote:

yes, me fishy .. but me much money too

your Holiness, please share the secret of your wisdom with me....show me the Path of the River Card and the Way of the Huge Chip Stack

although you should have tipped the dealer, that wasn't cool.....

Culchie

better put my hands up, before Dev gets out his shill-detector:p

(wongwivercard)

kpnuts

Culchie wrote:

better put my hands up, before Dev gets out his shill-detector:p

(wongwivercard)

I was just about to put up the book on likely suspects... you were going to be installed at 1/4F, Culchie!

wp Sir

El Stuntman

Culchie wrote:

better put my hands up, before Dev gets out his shill-detector:p

(wongwivercard)

oh you are going straight to hell for this one....

(although sounds like your Mrs may already have you there!! - no midweek poker/drinking makes Jack a dull boy....)

5starpool

Culchie wrote:

better put my hands up, before Dev gets out his shill-detector:p

(wongwivercard)

73 and a half month ban for you. You are banished to Sligo for this!!!!

El Stuntman

5starpool wrote:

73 and a half month ban for you. You are banished to Sligo for this!!!!

Buddha will punish him with a place in the Ninth Circle of Hell, populated by tormented souls and demons

(just take a left at Castlebar)

Culchie

El Stuntman wrote:

oh you are going straight to hell for this one....

(although sounds like your Mrs may already have you there!! - no midweek poker/drinking makes Jack a dull boy....)

Now Now, let's leave the women out of this (I do read your blog you know:p ).

Anyways, who says staying at home is dull?:D

KP, look forward to finally meeting you later at the Gresham.

Dub13

Top post,

WP,UL,GG etc,etc.

El Stuntman

Dub13 wrote:

Top post,

WP,UL,GG etc,etc.

ty vul 4me

but karma > chips

I think it's paying off - I just won a three way all-in on tribeca!!

Wallko

yes i agree top notch posting all round

shoutman

Quality post your holiness.

HalfBaked

Hi Stuntman,

Excellent post.

Didn't see you on Thursday, but not too sure what you look like to be honest. Come over and say hi next time, that way I can put a face to the name.
Buddha was in again on Friday distributing the enlightenment, seemed to cash out for a decent amount (i wasn't at his table at any stage). Until recently I use to think he was a nut peddler, but those views have changed.
Bluffed Martin (Ian you know him) who plays the cash tables in the SE off a hand by potting in (in the manner only he can.. POT!!) on every street, and then on the river for 400 with K high.

He's loosened up a lot over the last month or so, which I'm happy about:)

El Stuntman

HalfBaked wrote:

Buddha was in again on Friday distributing the enlightenment, seemed to cash out for a decent amount (i wasn't at his table at any stage). Until recently I use to think he was a nut peddler, but those views have changed.

Chief Brody may be a SE ligind (as they say in Munster rugby circles) but Buddha absolutely takes the biscuit when it comes to fist-pumping celebrations!
Next time you're in a showdown with him, ensure you ask "Story Budd?" in your best Dublin accent before calling....

ianmc38

Yes Buddha used to overbet the nuts all the time. Now he feels happy with pumping every street with nothing.

I am going to start an acting class so that I can perfect a look of shock and dismay for the next showdown I have with him. Then when he flips his cards I'm going to use this new look as I flip over my useless card. Then, as he does his trademark fist pump and smiles with delight, I'm going to turn over my other card showing him that i actually have the nuts. Straight after this, i'll look him dirtectly in the eyes and say "Now how do you like demz apples".

That mofo has slowrolled me about 100 times now and I want payback.

El Stuntman

ianmc38 wrote:

Yes Buddha used to overbet the nuts all the time. Now he feels happy with pumping every street with nothing.

I am going to start an acting class so that I can perfect a look of shock and dismay for the next showdown I have with him. Then when he flips his cards I'm going to use this new look as I flip over my useless card. Then, as he does his trademark fist pump and smiles with delight, I'm going to turn over my other card showing him that i actually have the nuts. Straight after this, i'll look him dirtectly in the eyes and say "Now how do you like demz apples".

That mofo has slowrolled me about 100 times now and I want payback.

LOL, his positive karma obviously hasn't rubbed off on you Ian!! I'm just not feeling the love...

Sweet Jebus, let me be on the table when you get the opportunity to do this....