Something wrong?

LegacyUser

Ok I'll try and keep this short.

I'm a bit concerned about myself at the moment.

I'm a 20 year old male and I have absolutely no interest in having sex or getting a relationship. I've never been remotely intimate with anyone. I have had crushes on people in the past but only one or two. Pretty much everyone I know is constantly going on about wanting girlfriends and girls this and that and girls girls girls, but I can't relate to that. One of my mates is so into it that he tells me he wakes up depressed every morning when he realises that he doesn't yet have one. My family keep asking "so when are you getting a girlfriend?!". My mother seems to be getting concerned aswell, to the extent that she has asked me on numerous occasions if I am gay (and most embarassingly, once in front of the whole, extended family).

I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me.

The thing is, I AM sexually active. I used to be really horny in my teens but that seems to have disappeared. I used to look at porn constantly, but now I am almost immune to it - and it rarely arouses me. This I am really concerned about. The sight of naked people nor them participating in sexual acts ever seems to get me "excited" anymore; it does happen sometimes, but I'm never as "hard" as I used to be.

So that's it in a nutshell. I am realy worried about the fact that I am not interested in getting a relationship or wanting to having sex, but at the same time I still do get aroused, (sometimes). Everyone around me, particularly people my age, seem to base their entire existence on looking to get into a relationship/have sex. I am beginning to feel that it's almost unhealthy for someone my age and that I should be wanting these things like everyone else.

When people find out that I've never had a girlfriend, I get shocked/confused looks. This gets to me a lot.

Do people think it's unusual for a 20 year old to not want a relationship, but be sexually active (to an extent)? How would you react, honestly, to someone who told you this or just told you he's 20 and never been in a relationship?

I feel as if there's something wrong here. Opinions?

Beruthiel

IDunno2 wrote:

How would you react, honestly, to someone who told you this or just told you he's 20 and never been in a relationship?

no biggie
it happens, a lot more than you think.
Has your diet changed in the past while? perhaps it's just a case of being deficient in some vitamins, do you exercise?

Static M.e.

I think your all sexed out of it.

Here comes the psycho babble, perhaps you simply associate sex/intimacy with porn and since you burnt out and have no interest with the porn this reflects on to your views\wants\needs towards a relationship.

I dont think its a big problem it could be simply a phase your going through, also if your were gay you would know it by now (I would think)

Basically its no big deal at all, I have a friend thats going on 27 or so now and has never had a GF, do I care, No. Its none of my business.

Eventually you will have a crush on another girl and end up going out with her, which will change your views on relationships and you will see how good they can be (and bad as well) which will solve your problem.

Also next time your mum mentions it, but a stop to it straight away by saying something like ." I do have Gf Mum, I just dont bring her around because she'e pregnant..."

GL

BoozyBabe

Don't think I really have much advice for you, but maybe you just haven't met someone who you find absolutely amazing yet, so you've no real interest????

I went out with my ex for 5 years, (yes I had a bf, so the story's not exactly like yours, but he may as well have just been a friend)
I had no interest whatsoever in having sex with him. I mean, when we did, I enjoyed it, but I had no desire for it. If he hadn't have initiated it, we'd never have had any & I wouldn't have missed it!! I knew this wasn't normal, but it's how I felt.

Anyway, I broke it up with him & have been going out with my current bf for quite some time. I've realised the 'not wanting sex' isn't me, but just the situation I was in at the time didn't appeal to me.

Now I can't get enough with my bf.

Maybe you just haven't found the right stimulus yet is all I'm saying.

Hope it works out for you, & 20 is still young, no rush in getting into steady relationships. My brother was exactly like you (my ma also questioned what yours is questioning) He didn't have his 1st relationship until he was 25, & he's still with that girl, & couldn't be happier, so I wouldn't fret too much if I was you.

Best of luck

Talliesin

It is still within the range of human sexuality. It's not freakish.

Now, it could go hand-in-hand with other issues around sex, self-esteem, depression and such, but otherwise don't worry about it.