Chapter One

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As the car sped through the rain the passengers were quietly amusing themselves. For one of the passengers her mind seemed to be playing awful tricks on her. As they drove along with the rain pelting down on the cars roof, giving sudden relief each time they past under the bridges, this is for that lone passenger where things went out of control.

Time slowed nearly to a stop as the car past under the shadow of the over hanging bridge, everything and everybody stopped moving at normal speed, everything that is apart from two things, that lone passenger and the great big beast lunging from the distance. Closer and closer to the car, each bridge bringing the beast towards the car, but as the car moved from under the bridge time sped up to normal speed again. She was still unchanged but the beast was no where to be seen until the next bridge.

As she stared ahead towards the bridge racing toward her in front of the car her fear grew. The last bridge they had past under had left the beast so close that she could see his breath on her window. She started worrying, so much so that she received looks and questions of concern from the other passengers. As the driver turned around to give her a reassuring smile the car past under the bridge, everything thing stopped the light had disappeared now. She had felt warm and safe inside the car; she felt a new sensation creep around her in her seat. Wet and cold. When she opened her eyes she could not comprehend what she was seeing.

Flashing lights probed at her fearful expression. She tried to stand but found she was still fastened into her seat. How did it work? She wondered as she glanced at the clasp sat in her lap. Soon she heard shouting and noticed people running towards her as she sat on the strip of green grass running the length of the motorway. As the technicians asked her random questions about pain about if she was ok. One flashed a torch in her eyes and another put a big collar around her neck.

The only thing that she way aware of was the absolute expression of fear that lay on each face she looked at bar one. She answered the questions that he asked as best as she could. He was very young with a bright shiny coat. As he spoke his words were soothing and calming. He undid the clasp with ease; there was a bed on wheels a gurney as he called it. He was going to lift her on to it very slowly and carefully if anything hurt she was to shout out loud. This made a silly grin spread across her face. As he picked her up the only thing that he could think about was how light she was. He was used to pulling people from car wrecks but this took the biscuit. As the young man wrapped a large and warm blanket around her, and placed a tin foil blanket over her, she heard the things he said in his head. "Poor baby" he thought "she's lost her family. What will this do to her?" As his thoughts seeped into her own she looked at his face and for the first time she let tears roll down her soft cheeks.

He wheeled her to the waiting ambulance, it was empty. "her family wont be cut out yet, they can take the stand by" She looked up at his kind face as he settled her in and checked her "vitals" and then sat down next to her and started to tell her stories that she had never heard before. When the doors closed and the engine started she wasnĺt scared or worried, but thrilled by the stories he told.

Just reading through it now, but the one thing that stands out for me so far is the fact that you repeat the word "bridge" wayy too much in the 1st few paragraphs. I'll edit it when I'm finished reading. And other words too, like the word "car"

I dunno, the way you wrote it made it very difficult to understand what exactly you were trying to get across to the reader. And there seemed to be a bit of a gap between the 2 events.. from being in the car, to the car wreck. Granted, this was probably intended, but it wasn't all that well done.

Apart from that, it is a good story.

fade2black

One thing I must quickly point out...it's passed...not past.

Interesting story, not sure I like your writing style though, you seem to be trying to be too mysterious instead of just telling the story.

Idgeitman

Hey,

At the first glance, one thing i would say is the fact that the story seems to be avoiding the fact of what is happening. The actual events of the entire piece i felt could have been put into one paragraph.

It seemed to come across more of an garda accident report, i.e "They where..... Then.... He did, She did", Try painting a bigger picture for the reader, instead of statements.


Keep it up,

~ Idgeitman

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Chapter two goes into the detail of why bridge is brought up more than once.
Thank you for the correction on past and passed. when i write i usualy write for myself and no-one else.

Thank you for your comments.

fade2black

No probs. Good look with it *Page*

jrey1981

you lost me with your opening sentence Im afraid and the repetition shortly afterwards.

Matt Holck

I liked the repition of the bridges
they added a rythem that I related to

cybrandian

Hey everyone,
I am wondering if anyone can help me with this. The local community group in the parish I live in are staging 'The Poor Beast in the rain' in January.
It was written by Billy Roche as part of the Wexford Trilogy and is set in a betting shop on the weekend of the All Ireland final.
I know it was on BBC a few years ago with Liam Cunningham playing a role, but if anyone knows of any version available for sale on DVD, I would really appreciate it?
Many Thanks,
James.