boyfriend problems

LegacyUser

i cant seem to get my head around my boyfriend lately. i know this will sound silly but its how he txts or doesnt txt me. at the start we'd txt eachother loads and thats what i got used to. now he hardly txts me and if i txt him he mightnt reply for a hour or more or at all. he used to say "i fell asleep" but i know from a forum we both use that he is awake generally when he uses this excuse. he says he's just not a big txter anymore but i know from his past relationship or when he liked someone he'd spend hours txting or ringing them. when we are together he's really caring and nice but i cant help but feel he only wants me for my body or what i can do for him because he is only like this when im there and its only my mind he is dealing with by txt. its like he only wants half a relationship (not the mental side) and makes me feel like he's picking and choosing pieces of me he wants and ignoring the rest. if it hadnt been that he was so crazy about txting his last girlfriend and other girls that were important to him i'd have no issue but i cant help but take it personal. the thing is though he sees alot more of me then these girls so he says this might have something to do with it. i might be blowing this way out then but it seems like he finds it easier to open up by phone then in person.

he has trouble opening up to me by his own admission and he doesnt know why. i've never done anything to deserve to lose his trust and he says he trusts me but then why would he have a issue being open with me? before anyone says he had no trust problems before with girls, its just me it seems.
i feel so down lately about myself because of it and wonder what i've done wrong. i never judge him and am constantly trying to make him have higher self esteem because its quite low.

i just went away for the weekend with him and it was nothing but good and he says now he's sure about our relationship going somewhere after we went through a patch a month ago where we had a problem but its all fixed and not worth mentioning. then last night i explained in a txt why i had problems with the txting thing after he didnt txt me back and he just says he's sorry and he wasnt paying attention to his phone that night and he didnt mean anything by it. i said thats ok and then i told him some good news i had for him and asked him something but he hasnt bothered to txt me back. and phone credit is not a issue before anyone asks.

i know i must seem silly but please be gentle with replying to me. i know my problem is extremely minor to everyone elses on this forum but i just want to know is this normal or does anyone think there is any truth in me thinking he only wants my body but not my mind.

Beruthiel

I'm presuming you are a teenager? as this is not something a adult would get their knickers in a knot over.

i never judge him

except regarding the speed he answers your texts

i cant help but feel he only wants me for my body or what i can do for him because he is only like this when im there and its only my mind he is dealing with by txt. its like he only wants half a relationship

are you saying that the other half of your relationship is the texting part!?
If he's with you, then of course he's there for your body, that's how we humans get together. You are fooling yourself if you think that's not a part of it, and you are there for the same reason.

just went away for the weekend with him and it was nothing but good

if the above is true, I seriously don't see what your problem is.
My suggestion would be cut out the texting. If I want to speak to someone I call them, why not do the same.

BoozyBabe

If texting is the problem, then phone him.

If you're doing all the chasing (contacting wise) & you're not happy, then get out.

You say all your probs are solved, but obviously they're not or you wouldn't be posting in PI.

I don't know your situation, but perhaps you're hassling him far too much & turning him off you. why would he want the mental side of the relationship if all you do is nag (I'm not saying you do, but perhaps it's a possibility)

Men aren't great at texting, actually neither are a lot of girls. You say this wasn't an issue with him & other girls.
Are ye going out longer than the length he went out with them? (Novelty & all that)

What age are ye? How many texts would you send him in a day (honestly)

But like I said, if you're sick of waiting around for a text, then ring him, if he ignores all your calls & you're not happy then move on, you wont't change him.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

I'm presuming you are a teenager? as this is not something a adult would get their knickers in a knot over.

im 17, yes not a adult. i dont judge him for the speed he txts me i take it to mean hes bored of me. i dont think badly of him for doing it i just take it personal. yes i know thats stupid but what can i say? im just a dramatic teenage.
yes body is important but mind is too and im not willing to be with a guy who only wants me that way.
and i have stopped txting him as much lately as the leaving cert is coming up. i generally leave it up to him for the past month (i swear!) but i needed to txt him so i did. i know i sound silly just dont lay into me please.

i txt him to wish him luck generally if he's got something he's worried about so maybe 2-4 txts a day. im going out 1 month shorter then his last gf did. im pretty pissed off with myself for even posting this now coz i feel stupid enough. i dont chase after him either but i used to think that til i stopped being the one arranging things, now i know its okay and he wants to meet me as much as i do.

LegacyUser

truth is im not so bothered as to ring him if he doesnt txt me that seems a little excessive. i just dont txt him til he makes contact with me tbh. i know how i come across and like i said i know this isnt a big thing i was just curious if ppl can get bored of txting someone but still feel the same way basically.

Ickle Magoo

overdramatic? wrote:

last night i explained in a txt why i had problems with the txting thing after he didnt txt me back

I think that answers your question....stop the texting and speak to each other! I don't think it matters how agile your fingers are, it is impossible to get over the intonation & feeling of your message in a text....if it's so important it can't wait until you see each other again then pick up the phone & have an adult conversation....texts are easy to ignore, call him & he can't ignore you....well, he can refuse to pick up but then I would recommend looking for a new b/f.....

You seem to be over analysing what he did with previous g/f...I don't think a text count is really the way to gauge how he feels about you Vs how he felt about an ex....

As to whether he wants you for your body? As far as I can remember, not many 17yr old lads (or 47yr olds for that matter!) are after a relationship based purely on intellect!

Zulu

God I'm a shocking texter. Half the time I never get back to the person (not deliberitly - I just forget). I don't know what to say to you really.

I suppose my advice id: ring if you want to talk.

galah

my advice:
switch the bl**dy phone off. And only communicate by phone if you have something to say (others said it here before...). Stop being so hooked to the phone!

(maybe it's just me, but I grew up without mobiles, and I find the whole "he has'nt texted me back within 20 minutes, he mustnt love me anymore bs completely annoying and a waste of time and energy). Maybe he just realised it's getting too expensive?

LegacyUser

Hi Op im sorry but I know when my relationship was coming to an end I couldnt be bothered answering my then boyfriend.

It was deliberate or intentionally rude I just couldnt bring myself to reply.

I had to sit down and think about my reasons and I realised it was because I no longer wanted to communicate with him on any level and his texts just annoyed me.

We split soon after and I have to say I was relieved not to have to talk to him again.

I know each story is different but thats my taking on it, not what you want to hear im sure but if you have a problem with it, have told him so and he still doesnt try and improve things for your sake, to me its staring you in the face, he isnt interested in keeping you happy albeit over text anymore

takola

How long have you two been going out? Tbh when i first started going out with my boyfriend we used to text constantly. It was good fun. But we're going out over a year now and i'd be lucky to get one message a day at this stage and if i do get a message, its usually telling me a bill has arrived or asking me to grab something for him!
I think at the start of a relationship you text loads because you're only getting to know each other and its the honeymoon period for the first while so you cant get enough of each other! But this period fades i'm afraid.
Yes people do get bored of texting and still feel the same way! I think thats pretty normal tbh! At least i hope it is, cos if it isn't i'm screwed!