Self Harm

danteXXI

OK, so I used to be a big cutter but eventually things started looking up for me and everything got good for me and I stopped. This wasn't by making 'progress' or anything with any form of specialist help, I just did it less and less because I didn't need to do it, untill I eventually never needed to do it at all.

The problem is that it seems my luck has run out and things have gotten bad again and all I can think about is doing it again, nothing excessive, I just want a bit of relief (feel like some sort of addict) but I don't want to ruin my clean streak.
Can anybody share what they did/do when they're in this position to overcome the urge?

impr0v

Self harm is usually a choice of the reality of physical pain over emotional pain that one can't control or deal with. You should investigate counselling as a way of dealing with things getting bad again and working out some alternative and more sustainable mechanism for dealing with those things.

Victor

Try some strenuous exercise maybe? Running? Chopping firewood?

Take a look at some of the self-help references on the internet for the moment, but talk to someone professional on Monday. There might be lots of ways of getting through this.

Also try talking to someone if if its just the cashier in a shop or the www.samaritans.org

ST*

danteXXI wrote:

Can anybody share what they did/do when they're in this position to overcome the urge?

You will have to try work with professional with this one. Here is a link that maybe of some use to you.

The reason why your urge to self-harm ceased during that period was because your stress /anxiety level had dramatically reduced. You must address the problem, or it will simply lie dormant until something goes wrong in your life again. When you feel the urge to self-harm, you are advised to look to family and friends for help. Always have some sort of distraction planned for when you get the urge, as Victor said - maybe a rigorous workout will release some tension.

danteXXI

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to see a doctor, or let anybody in on the loop.

I'm a very personal guy and none of my family or friends know about me like this.

meow

Nobody realises just how common self harm is among young people these days, it seems to be one of those things nobody wants to talk abut.
I didn't tell anyone about my self-harm for yrs, I was deeply secretive and ashamed of it. What many people don't realise is its an addictive behaviour reinforced by the initial feel good factor.

You need to break the cycle, its down to sheer will and determination. There are no magic cures, no pill to make the urge stop. You have to decide you're not going to give in and do whatever you need to distract yourself.

Alot of people find doing something with their hands helps e.g. jigsaws, model making etc. Headin out and slamming a basket ball or football off a wall is as great release, especially if someone's made you angry, you can picture their face on the ball:D The more you resist the urge to give in, the less it returns but it takes time, months maybe.

I sit on my hands when it gets really bad or I glue myself to one spot until the feeling passes, I tend to cut seriously and have needed help a few times afterwards, so I try very hard to get by and deal without it.

Its not easy and let no one tell you it is.
You need to figure out why you've started doing it again, everyone's reasons are different.

Can I ask what you get from it?
And can you think of other ways you can get the same thing without hurting yourself?

Self harm progressively gets worse with time, you may be scratching just now but I guarentee continue on and those scratches turn into GP visits for stitches and A&E trips for worse.

Please do what you can to stop.

dar83

danteXXI wrote:

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to see a doctor, or let anybody in on the loop.

I'm a very personal guy and none of my family or friends know about me like this.

Right, well no offence but what are you asking for help for, if you dont actually want it?

If you're not first willing to help yourself, then how do you expect others to help you?
You've made a good start by bringing it up here, but the people here are only words on a screen. Get yourself to a professional who can talk your problems through and help you properly.

padser

dar83 wrote:

Right, well no offence but what are you asking for help for, if you dont actually want it?

If you're not first willing to help yourself, then how do you expect others to help you?
You've made a good start by bringing it up here, but the people here are only words on a screen. Get yourself to a professional who can talk your problems through and help you properly.

Dead right. except in reality i would say really quite pointless bringin up a serious mental problem like this on an online discussion forum. If your not willing to go and get help what precisely do you want us to tell you???

ST*

danteXXI wrote:

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to see a doctor, or let anybody in on the loop.I'm a very personal guy and none of my family or friends know about me like this.

Try to avoid negative advice you see on this thread. Re-read your post above. Your way of channelling pain, stress, and anxiety in your life is via self harm. The link that I posted earlier explains this. If you would rather not speak to family and friends right now, make sure you are talking to a professional, he/she will help you deal with your issues in a healthy way. You are posting here, because you want to defeat it, so help yourself. It isn't going to be easy. A professional will talk through your day-to-day stress with you, as well as how to deal with urges as they arise.

danteXXI

dar83 wrote:

Right, well no offence but what are you asking for help for, if you dont actually want it?

If you're not first willing to help yourself, then how do you expect others to help you?
You've made a good start by bringing it up here, but the people here are only words on a screen. Get yourself to a professional who can talk your problems through and help you properly.

I'm not lashing out at you but it seems you don't understand what it's like to be in this position with the whole stigma sorrounding mental illness.
I am totally willing to help myself, I just want to do it my way.

Like I said, I asked for others to share what they do in this situation and am happy with the largely helpful responses I've gotten.
Thanks.

LegacyUser

Hey,

I (also a male) self harmed for the last few years (mostly cutting) and only recently got a handle on it. I don't do it any more because I don't feel like I need to and I've alternative things to do, e.g. writing stuff down seems to help me now or sometimes squeezing ice cubes and breathing exercises. I am not overconfident or anything like that, I'm not saying I'll never do it again but things are a lot better than they used to be. Pretty much the scars are the only things that bother me now, some nasty ones but I don't expect pity for having them.

Self harm is a coping mechanism for most people so what are you coping with that's pushing you towards wanting to do it again, what's the run of bad lack? Anything else, a form of punishment, something to do with self loathing..? What are the underlying issues, stress from family, work, uni, things like that? Cutting is probably not the real issue more than likely probably something more deep seated that sets you off or a combination of things.

I've never been on anti depressants because I don't fancy them and I was never diagnosed with depression. Don't know if you'd consider them. Understandable that you'd feel comfortable going to a Doc but the longer your self harm remains a secret (often is) the more difficult it will be to try get a handle on it (at least I think so anyway). Personally, I mostly avoided the GP route (apart from one visit to ask about meds), I found counselling help a lot early on and at present I attend I go psychotherapy. That might be a better option for you, preferably some counsellor/therapist who has had experience of people who have harmed themeslves.

As for mental illness, it's not a mental illness.

You might get some more info here http://www.nshn.co.uk/index2.html It has a support forum too. http://www.nshn2.co.uk/forum/index.php

Best wishes to you.

Tar.Aldarion

Channel it lsewhere, sing, run, shout etc.
I really wanted to do it a while back, quite numb, do something else instead.
Singing etc helped me so i have never done it... friends have though, not a good choice.

danteXXI

Used to S/H wrote:

Self harm is a coping mechanism for most people so what are you coping with that's pushing you towards wanting to do it again, what's the run of bad lack? Anything else, a form of punishment, something to do with self loathing..? What are the underlying issues, stress from family, work, uni, things like that? Cutting is probably not the real issue more than likely probably something more deep seated that sets you off or a combination of things.

Well the frontal problems are nothing outstanding, general 'that's life' type problems with which I seem to cope with differnetly then others.
I seem to take things out on myself.
I'm not sure of any underlying issues but I'd say it mostly comes from self loathing and low self worth...and say it's those things that make me unable to cope the same way others would.

LegacyUser

i've been there mate. i stopped cutting and went straight onto soft drugs. not the ideal solution, so if your like me with an addictive personality, stay away from all drugs cause you'll latch onto them straight away as a replacement.

LegacyUser

danteXXI wrote:

Well the frontal problems are nothing outstanding, general 'that's life' type problems with which I seem to cope with differnetly then others.
I seem to take things out on myself.
I'm not sure of any underlying issues but I'd say it mostly comes from self loathing and low self worth...and say it's those things that make me unable to cope the same way others would.

They don't have to be major problems though. Some people who S/H have been raped or abused, your reasons for S/H are just as vaild even if you don't have things like that from your past. Sorry if that seems patronising.

How do you reckon you can work on improving self worth and lessening the self loathing? Do you want to change those?

b3t4

My advise is to write all your feelings down.

Why..
1. It keeps your hands busy
2. You get to work through your emotions in a more positive way.

This is all well and good but because self harm is so easy, quick and satisfying it's hard to always do the right thing.

If you slip up once don't let it be the downfall of you. Everyone makes mistakes but the thing is to learn from them. Congradulate yourself for going so long without cutting. You'll find that the longer and longer you go without cutting the further and further appart the relapses are.

Also, cutting is extremely addictive so treat it like an addiction.

Best of luck with things.
A.

HappyCrackHead

been there wrote:

i've been there mate. i stopped cutting and went straight onto soft drugs. not the ideal solution, so if your like me with an addictive personality, stay away from all drugs cause you'll latch onto them straight away as a replacement.

this is true and i can actually see it happening to me at the moment. i havent cut myself in 6months and 7days. i feel better for it. it was a way for me to deal with emotions i couldnt otherwise. i actually kinda enjoyed it but now i have more scars than i care to count. i actually find the scars the best way to discourage me from doing it anymore. a lot of people do it in places they can hide, i never really cared. i know girls cut their thighs (which i have to say makes even me shudder a little).

its a problem but... i think people these days have never been so isolated from one another. theres al ot to be said for self reliance. i tried going to councillors and... i just didnt like it. but maybe thats just me.

lately i've wanted to do it a lot but i've been able to fight the desire. thankfully its harder to do with an electric razor.


its hard but remember ur not alone.

danteXXI

Ok, thanks for all your input.

*Page*

Hey from a former cutter, at one point in my life I couldn't get out of the bed and face the day with out slicing my arms or my legs to bits. I started at about 12 and stopped at about 16/7.

I haven't looked back since, now I’m 23. Its really good that you don't want to go back because the longer you can stick it out trust me the easier it gets. At some point I stood back and looked at my life and myself. I needed help and so do you. Help isn’t a bad thing; it's really good. You can talk on line like this, it does help to feel less isolated but in the real world is also where you need to seek help.

I have only in the past 3 months gotten professional help its done wonders for who I am and how I feel. I've come to terms with my problems. But here is the hard part of my advice. Go tell your parents. This is the best advice anyone can give you, I have only now told my parents about the horrific things from my past and they didn't loose it. My dad wanted to know why I wouldn't talk to him; he felt that we were so close. I told him I was scared, scared of what though. More hurt and pain that I was already inflicting on myself?

Trust me on this, your parents are there to help you, yea at times they seem like they are from another planet and haven't got a clue. The only reason why they haven’t got a clue is because you don’t talk to them about the important stuff. I've ruined my relationship with my parents from years of lies and secrets. Please go talk to them.