Advice for a 17 year old?

LegacyUser

OK, this isn't the biggest problem in the world probably doesnt deserve a post, but I'd love some advice from people who have been here and can tell me things get better. Sometimes I really feel down, not in a teenagery sort of way, I don't think so anyway. I'd say I'm very happy 90% of the time, but evenings like this evening when I'm feeling a bit fed up sorta seem to be cropping up more and more.

I'm 17 and about to go into 6th year, and everyone tells me I've my whole life ahead of me but it doesnt feel like it. I'm a nice guy(quiet, polite type nice), not bad looking, not horrible, but I'm already starting to get a serious "nice guys finish last" feeling about the world. Like I'm starting to see patterns emerging with girls, friends, just life in general.

Another thing is that I've been really "bored" the past year or two. Kind of fed up, waiting for something good to happen to me. I don't like school, I could be doing a lot better, and already I know I won't do as well in the leaving cert as I could. I usually can't wait to get home from school, can't concentrate. My school is good but full of scumbags, bad teachers, its an all male school and I find an all male environment kind of torturous at times. I want to get my head down next year, but I wanted to do that this year and I couldnt. I really just could not do it.

I've a lot of good friends, and two best friends. I know this is horrible, but sometimes I look at some people and think "I've a better life than them". But then I look at other people and think "They've a much better life than me". I wish I had a lot more friends who were more like me, I wish I was more sociable even though I'm a lot more sociable than most of my friends. I do think I'm kind of limited at my age plus I don't like going out just to get pissed.

And naturally, I wish I had a girlfriend, probably the biggest thing that gets me down. Theres a girl I really care about and am good friends with. I'd marry her in a second if I could but I don't think we're gonna get into anything, of course this could change tomorrow. Anyway theres nothing I can do about that situation. I get really jealous when I see guys my age just after a shag, with a different girlfriend every month and I can't seem to find anyone. I'm waiting for someone to come along that I could literally just run off with, that type of thing. Nothing like that has happened so far for me. I know people will be laughing cause I'm 17, but from my point of view its pretty depressing. Going by the past two years, I've no reason to believe I'll find the type of girl I'm looking for.

Do things get better after secondary school? I see kids my age, they seem to be a lot happier than me. I wonder if I'll be 21 and still kind of unsatisfied with life. Its probably just my mindset, but I do try to be happy and it works a lot of the time. I've got it pretty good. But I'd be really upset if I was 21 and in exactly the same sort of state. Thats really possible I think.

After school, in a little over a year, I want to leave Ireland(nothing to do with Ireland itself), maybe travel for the sake of travelling, get a job in another country, or if I'm able to, go to university in a different country. If I feel the same way I feel now in a year, I wouldn't come back here. And honestly, I don't have much reason to come back here. And just take it from there. I used to think doing that would be amazing and really help me, but for some reason lately I'm starting to think that if I'm bored and fed up here, I'll be bored and fed up wherever I go. Big mess of a post I know, and hopefully things will just sort themselves out but I'd appreciate some advice even on leaving the country/finding myself type thing.

Crucifix

I think the most important thing I can say, is that nobody's happy all the time. 90% of the time is probably doing well.

tbh

all I can say is, the life you have now isn't the life you will have, even though it feels like it is. Things change totally when you get out of school, and things you can't even imagine now will influence your life, hopefully mostly in a good way. It's not even close to half-time, don't worry Life's what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.

edit - meant to say, you've obviously the cop on to ask for help when you need it, you'll be grand.

Michael Collins

Things most certianly can and probably will get better. After 14 years of education anyone is bound to get tired of it, learning things you have little or no interest in can be depressing. Do you have any particular subject you'd like to do in college afterwards?

I was the same myself during 5th and 6th year of secondary school, it was a bad old time, for so many different and complex reasons. But as soon as i left and did something i was actually interested in it all changed, pretty quickly. One thing I've managed to figure out (after 4 years!) is that it always seems much worse when you're in the situation than it actually is - you just have to accept, as Crucifix said, that you're just going to feel like this sometimes, and when you do, not to take it too seriously. You can think yourself into a deeper depression sometimes by doing that, just know that say in a day or two you'll have a much more positive outlook.

I'd also suggest not to get into the whole "nice guys come last" way of thinking. Just be content that that's your way of doing things and be happy with it.

I'm no expert on giving this kinda of advice but I think i know where you're coming from. So, in summary, things get better!

CoolGuy2006

Sorry mate, i had a huge reply but I had to erase it because it was starting to sound like a "Tom Hanks chick flick" Ill try and give you the short version

I could have posted your original post when i was 17 word for word.
Now I am 26, have travelled the world, made amazing REAL friends, found love, lost it, then found it again. Smiles and crys.

The thing I hated about school was that it just didnt inspire me but you are there for only a short time more so you might aswell give it your best shot while you are there(jaysis, i probably sound like your ma there, sorry)

I too wanted to run off and get married to a girl when i was 17, what a pair of die hard romantics me and you are, eh :-)

One thing I found out in life is that "nice guys finish last" is a load of bull****, maybe un-confident guys finish last is more true.

And by this i dont mean that girls want really arrogant pricks but they do want to see someones qualities and they wont see this if you are quiet and keep it all to yourself.

When i was at school i wasnt a big hit with the ladies, Now I am and its all down to confidence and being a nice guy.

Be a nice guy but be ****ing proud about it.

Peace and love brother

Squirrel

I'm in a similar situation to you, except I'm in a mixed school. I have good days, I have **** days, yesterday was really crap, but I'll just have to get over it. It's the summer in 2 weeks, go out with friends and you'll be fine, if you don't wanna get pissed in a field or whatever, don't. Just have a good summer then put 9/10 months work in for the leaving (easier said than done, I know as I probably won't), then go travelling after that. Take things one step at a time.

Setun

Don't overburden yourself with study, that's not what 6th year is all about. Just keep a steady work rate, and do that bit more in the month coming up to exams.
As for the "laydeez", as even you admit, you are only 17. Its definitely nothing to worry about at this stage. There's always the usual piece of advice: Join a club of some sort and you'll meet lots of new people. Basically, make yourself available to meet new people.
You have to make things happen for you, generate an interest, just get up and do something you find enjoyable. The summer is the ideal time, whether it's getting out for a walk, playing a game of soccer, watching a good film or flying a kite. You'll have plenty of time off before The Big Year, take that time to remotivate yourself and just have fun.

meow

You seem to be waiting around for things to happen to you, let me tell no one ever got anywhere without making things happen for themself!

I think its sad that at 17, you're already almost condeming yourself to a life of misery and what ifs. PLEASE go make things happen for yourself. Starting with your leaving cert, you have a whole year to 'get your head down'. It can happen but only if you make it, how strong is your motivation?
Saying that I hate seeing students in 6th yr worry themselves sick because if exams, do what you can do. Its so easy now to go back to school in a few yrs time, the amount of adult education options are incredible. Don't beat yourself up if you don't do as well as you hope, its NOT the end of the world, no matter what the f-ing teachers tell you:mad:

You say you're bored with life, what do you like doing? What is your passion? What excites you and keeps you entralled for hours on end? They're the kind of things that make life good, if you don't have those things, life can get pretty miserable and almost unbearable. Have a look in your area, see whats on offer and don't be afraid to do them alone. Thats how you meet people.

As for meeting someone, whats your rush?? Your problem is you're comparing yourself to those around you, have you ever considered maybe those guys don't have it as good as you think they have? I mean, I really question people who bed hop, it screams insecurity, need, impulsivity, little or no self-respect. These guys should be pitied, not envied, they're the ones who'll end up unwanted children, STD's, meaningless relationships.
I'm gald you want more than that, I'd love to meet someone who wanted more than that! (I'm female by the way!:p )

Finally, if you believe there's something more going on, more than 'teenage angst' (which I don't believe exists) please go look for some help. Don't let yourself get so hopeless that you think about doing something to hurt yourself. There's no in harm asking, getting yourself checked out, even needing to take something for awhile. If it makes life better for you, give it a go, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you believe you need more help now, go get it now, these things grow into monters. Trust me, I know.

and everyone tells me I've my whole life ahead of me

Christ, I hated that too!:rolleyes:

Good luck in whatever you decide to do

Kuz_3040

Iv been through a similar phase in my life on difference was i had low self esteem and a lack of confidence i was about to leave school i just wanted to run as far and as fast as possible then i met girl in college who changed my life forever we actually talked about running away together months went by we had a great time together and then she stabbed me in the back and everything changed i went back to having low self esteem and no confidence for two months i was depressed and suicidal but then i realised that life goes on and that there'll be others a year on and im at a point in ma life where im confident and can do whatever i want. I guess what my point from that little anecdote is that life isnt over no matter how bad it seems stick in their relax be urself thats all you can be meditation helps clear ur head once a night really works. Good luck things will get better

AOR

Hey ya
You've had a great response to this topic!! and hopefully you can take away that things do get better after secondary school.

Like one of the previous posters I would have posted up the exact same post when I was 17, you have to remember that secondary school is such a small world with small minds, and you have to motivate yourself to get yourself out of the rut. its tough obviously to see some "cool" guys get the girls, but I can tell you now, plenty of those guys I used to know are still in the same place, pumping petrol, and girls wont touch them.

I Just turned 21 last week and things are so much different for me now. The main factor I think which got me out of the rut you feel like your in, is sadly, exams and study!!! you need to get a good leaving, so you can go where you want, do what you wanna do and meet like minded people, because there are thousands of them out there!!

Best of Luck

LegacyUser

wow, thats really weird, I read that first post and it was like I wrote it. I feel almost the exact same as you. I just try and do things to keep me from being bored, try keeping a diary so you can look back on it and see how much you've changed. Its also good to get your thoughts out on paper

Zillah

I was in the exact same situation. I suspect its common amongst the intellectual elite

I hated school. I had plenty of friends, my teachers were decent, the leaving cert didn't stress me too much, and even still I hated going to that place. I had to wear a uniform, and I was usually surrounded by immature idiots, and people told me what to do, and people punished me for not doing what they want, and I had to work to their schedual and I had no idea what was going to happen after it.

Its not unusual that you might feel depressed in that sort of situation.

So I finished school, did an ok leaving cert, joined a course I thought I'd like, hated it, dropped out, took 8 months off to do absolutely nothing (best thing that ever happened me) and then joined a course in a completely different college that I absolutely love.

Now I just finished second year and I couldn't be happier. Of course life isn't perfect, it never is. Just remember that changes that you couldn't possibly expect are coming.

And above all else, remember to do what you'll enjoy. Your parents and teachers and who the fuck knows who else will all tell you the "right" thing to do, but in the end its your life and you are the only single damn person who knows what you want.

I dread to think what my life would be like right now if I had listened to other people

EPO_MAN

Nice guys don't finish last. It's true that ass8holes seem to get more women etc.. but it's all fake...they are empty and souless chasing one fix after another...I know I have several acquantances (they're not friends I can trust) and they know they're empty inside and it burns them as much as their precieved sucuss burns you.

90% hapiness is good...I'd take that!!
anyway i'm 28 and I've changed so many aspects of my life multiple times since I was 17 even some aspects several times.
If i met myself at 17 now i wouldn't recognise myself...

so chin up....ask the girl out - at worst she'll say no - if she does say "ok I know where I stand" and continue being her friend.

also you have tomake it happen - nobody is gonna hand you the winning lotto ticket

Aard

Welcome to the club!

I find that little things help an awful lot. Like getting enough sleep, or having proper meals. "Positive thinking" really works aswell (and that is saying something, coming from me). I think friends -- real friends -- are the most important thing at this age. Over the past few months I've gotten to know new people (friends of friends), and strengthened older friendships. Talking about real issues is important too; having a good friend to talk with cannot be beaten. I think hitting this block is a major part of the "growing up" process, and how you handle it will have a big impact on how you live your life later on.

ferdi

contrary to whats been said above OP, in my experience things dont change. they move around a bit but in the end you're still the same flawed person with the same weaknesses and loneliness. get used to it

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone, I didn't expect such a response, they've been extremely helpful, and hearing that other people feel the same or have felt the same with school helps more than anything else could.

I know that the best thing to do is be positive, know that things will get better, I mean they arent so bad now. That said though, it is impossible sometimes to think like that. And at this age I know I can make a lot of things happen but...its just tough. It really is.

I guess what got me down big time a good few weeks ago was seeing a post on here. There are a lot of posts from older people in this forum I can kind of identify with as I'm sure a lot of people can, but one in particular got me saying "Thats me in a few years time" so I still remember it. Basically swaping a school I hate with a job I hate, still living at home, wanting more friends, heartbroken. So thats a fear for me, its a possibility, and as Ferdi has shown, its not guaranteed I'll be a lot happier in a few years time. I'm far from perfect.

Despite that very grim paragraph what I've realized the past few weeks and especially the past few days is that worrying just makes things worst. I'm going to concentrate on how I do want my life to be, and fantasize about how it might end up not worrying about how it could end up. I'll no doubt still be down the odd time over the next year, but if I did 5th year I can do 6th.

And Coolguy I hope youre right about the nice guy thing, even though I've had bad experiences, I wouldnt change it.

the_syco

Re: the bored with life thing.

Had this for a while myself. The best thing to do is to find a hobby. One that takes alot out of you, but also rewards you. Fishing is a no-no, as you may never catch anything but with golfing, after a bit of practise, you'll enjoy it, and won't be as bored anymore, as you'll be looking forward to the next game of golf.

Another thing, is to take up something such as painting. Something that you can do easily in your spare time, but is also rewarding. Good luck.

DOLEMAN

Needsomehope wrote:

I'm already starting to get a serious "nice guys finish last" feeling about the world.

It's kind of true. This world is not for the meek. Try to develop confidence. Being nice and super confident will get you very far in life.

Needsomehope wrote:

Kind of fed up, waiting for something good to happen to me.

Only you will make good things happen for you. Don't wait for others to make it happen!

Needsomehope wrote:

sometimes I look at some people and think "I've a better life than them". But then I look at other people and think "They've a much better life than me".

Comparing yourself to other people will only lead to unhappiness. There will always be people with a nicer house, car, wife, etc. Just learn to (try to) be happy with what you've got. [/quote]

Needsomehope wrote:

Going by the past two years, I've no reason to believe I'll find the type of girl I'm looking for.

From experience (I was a very nice guy when I was your age) I can tell you: young girls (< 25) do not like nice guys. It's a sad fact of life. I think this is because "nice guys" sometimes appear under-confident. Try to develop confidence and you'll get girls very easy. I'm now a very confident person (not bragging...) and it means I can generally get girls quite easily. Even if only because I now have the confidence to talk to them. And it's no secret that girls are very attracted to confident guys.

Confidence will come with time. Just try to believe in yourself. I am sure if you put your mind to things you can accomplish anything, so believe in yourself!

Needsomehope wrote:

Do things get better after secondary school?

Life gets harder. But you develop other skills and talents which help you cope. Certainly women flow a lot easier when you're older! The age 19 - 24 is great. I promise, if you get out there and try to have a laugh, you'll have a great time.

Needsomehope wrote:

After school, in a little over a year, I want to leave Ireland

Go to France! It's an amazing country. Have you been to Paris? It's perfect. Lovely people (super hot women), buckets of culture, and cheaper than Ireland. They like Irish people as well. Really. Try France. I'm always going there.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone gets depressed. I sometimes get very depressed. It's normal. Just know that you control your life, and worst case scenario you can move to Japan and get a hot Japanese girlfriend. You always have options

seamus

CoolGuy2006 wrote:

I could have posted your original post when i was 17 word for word.

Me too.

I was pretty in that boat; All-male school, no real success with the ladies, two best mates and a handful of acquaintances, completely bored with school and not putting in the effort.

All I can say is stick it out. It does get so so much better after school. I'm now of the opinion that normal schooling is two years too long in this country. The British system is good - A-levels at 16/17, gap year then off to college.

6th year actually will bring along a whole heap of changes for you. It tends to change from a clamber to be top of the social pile, into an experience much closer to college. You lose a lot of the scumbags and dossers - they just don't bother with 6th year. Everyone starts to treat their schoolmates with a little more equality. I think it's part of the whole, "Right, this year is about the leaving cert. If I'm going to toss around, why am I still bothering to go to school?". It's still school of course.
Socially, life will change quite dramatically too. As everyone starts to turn 18, weekends are no longer an affar where three of you go out and do your best to try your luck in any pub. People will start organising to meet a group of people in a particular pub, and so on.

Just stick with it, one more year, and then life gets so much better. Whoever said schooldays are the best days of your life was smoking crack. I'm 3 years in the workforce now out of college, and I've never been happier.

JayRoc

1. Yes, I'm afraid nice guys do finish last.
But the last guy can still get a bit (wahey) , and on his own terms, at that.

2. Don't EVER let the bastards tell you this is the best time time of your life.
It gets so much better.

3. If in doubt:
Quit your job.
Make your folks say "but you could've........."
Have fun. It's a cliché, but enough guys in their 20's drop dead for whatever reason to make it worth saying.



If it helps, I'm 30, I quit my job (of 3 years +) with a multinational corporation 8 weeks ago, and I can honestly say I've never been as broke or as happy. Live the dream! (If your dream is being Ben Dunne, that is not a particularly bad thing)