Don't really have a title for this

Raphael · 18-05-2006 4:45pm #1

Green is the colour of nature, but also of envy
Of plague, and of rot
These are the greens that are in my hurt
Hurting me with their pain

Peace I can never feel
Or love, or happiness
Eternally I am hurting
Torn apart by pain

Red is passion, or blood
Yellow is sunlight, or pus
I see these as they flow down my arms
Seeping from my body

Forever we suffer, pain our companion
Unending suffering our only friend
Closed off to others, to love
Kept to ourselves, to pain

Ice forms in my heart
Never reaching out to another
Growing colder each day
Sealed off from love

Torment tears me apart inside
Unending torture without reprieve
Pain is all that is within
I feel that I am dying slowly

Death will be a relief

BEAT · 22-05-2006 9:54am

hmmm good to see you contribute again raph but Im afraid it doesnt live up to your usual standards. Here is what I felt while reading it and forgive me becasue I do think this piece is derived from some very real feelings.

It feels as though you are feeling so much that you feel there must be a way to get it down on paper creativley but even as you write it the feelings are not coming through, it feels forced and unsatisfying. It feels like something I went through not too long ago actually... I was feeling so much and yet at the same time nothing at all becasue of the hurt that I tried to get it down on paper but the feeling just wouldnt come through.

Perhaps take this and come back to it later for a re-write?

Or am I totally off base and you got across precisley what you meant to?

Feel free to burst my bubble Raph, Id love to be wrong