Can you be too nice?

theguy86

Hi im 20/m and i really a nice person compared to many people i know: But in life i always have problems and just plain unlucky, but yet heartless people seem to fly by in life,...? Im a good looking guy and even have been told i could do modeling..but yet ive no girlfriend!<no idea why> and never had a girlfriend?..dO some women date guys that they know wont treat them right?? <really i think alot do what.. why?

There is a great difference between "nice" and "pushover".
There is also a great difference between "nice" and "lacking in confidence".

Guys who complain that they're too nice and can't get a gf and blame it on women going for guys who treat them badly tend to have more wrong with them than "I'm too nice".
Try looking inward instead of at women for some insight as to your difficulties.

Are you confident? Do you put down people a lot?

Beruthiel

bluewolf wrote:

There is a great difference between "nice" and "pushover".
There is also a great difference between "nice" and "lacking in confidence".

Guys who complain that they're too nice and can't get a gf and blame it on women going for guys who treat them badly tend to have more wrong with them than "I'm too nice".
Try looking inward instead of at women for some insight as to your difficulties.

quoted for truth.

Zombrex

theguy86 wrote:

But in life i always have problems and just plain unlucky, but yet heartless people seem to fly by in life,...?

If you are waiting for Karma to get them you might be waiting a while. :rolleyes:

A better solution would be to forget about other people and focus on your own life. If you aren't happy then you need to address that, not sit around hoping the universe will make everyone else as unhappy as you are.

theguy86 wrote:

Im a good looking guy and even have been told i could do modeling..but yet ive no girlfriend!<no idea why> and never had a girlfriend?

Have you asked a lot of girls out and been rejected? Or are you waiting for the girls to come to you? Are you shy or do you think you come across as shy?

theguy86 wrote:

..dO some women date guys that they know wont treat them right?? <really i think alot do what.. why?

Simply answer - Yes.

Complex answer - Yes, but that has nothing to do with your problems.

The old chestnut that you get all the time on Boards.ie "I'm a nice guy, why don't girls like me when they go for people meaner than me" is really just trying to blame others for your issues.

There are reasons you don't have a girlfriend. I don't know what they are, but they are there. And they aren't that you are "too nice". As bluewolf says they might be because you are a pushover, or you are always trying to please others, or always asking how others are.

Girls don't really like that (neither do guys). I lived with a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because he never decided anything, he always, when she said "What you want to do?" replied "Don't mind, anything you want". Seems nice on the surface, but that is just more work for my friend. She didn't want to have to decide everything. He seems to just not want to ever upset her, so he just never told her he wanted to do anything, always let her decide.

Girls don't want a slave, they don't want a "yes man", a door mat who agrees with everything and just follows them around like a lost puppy.

Not saying that is what you are doing, I've no idea what you are doing. For all I know you have never asked a girl out before and thats why you don't have girl friend.

But you need to give up on the "Lifes just not being fair to me" attitude. Its probably part of the problem.

Dave

As bluewolf said you have to look inward as opposed to judging girls or these so called "heartless" people. More than likely they just possess more confidence, which people in general are more attracted to. The quite shy guy who's to afraid to go up talking to anyone won't get too far.

Do a search for similar threads like these. There have been so many alot of the advice will be similar.

Doodee

nice guys seldom need to remind themselves that they are "Nice".
nice guys also dont have an agenda.

Try to not convince yourself that your nice and instead do what you feel like.

Wicknight

Wicknight wrote:

Girls don't really like that (neither do guys). I lived with a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because he never decided anything, he always, when she said "What you want to do?" replied "Don't mind, anything you want". Seems nice on the surface, but that is just more work for my friend. She didn't want to have to decide everything. He seems to just not want to ever upset her, so he just never told her he wanted to do anything, always let her decide.

I can't stand it when people do that - it gives across such a message of "I'm really not bothered because I'm not interested in you/your company/anything."

theguy86

im a chaty friend person,i get on great with everyone but i would speak my mind,well if it hurted someone i wouldnt..maybe i smell , but i do think girls tend to go for guys that arnt that nice..(maybe their afraid of a long term thing? is it the "IN thing" or "the must have" theses days to have a relationshp... example: a boring sunday (ring the girlfriend and do something)or sit in the sitting room..<this applys to guys aswell also been in a relationship or the sake of it)

Beruthiel

theguy86 wrote:

but i do think girls tend to go for guys that arnt that nice..

nope
as with all other things in life, some do, but some don't.
maybe you're trying too hard, girls can spot that from 50 paces.
stop thinking about it so much and just be yourself.

Zulu

I used to be a "nice guy" when I was a young lad.
Somewhere along the way, I found a confidence in myself.

I'm still a gentleman, but I don't finish last unless I want to.